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Username: avaviolet

Date posted: 25d ago

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Struggling with ROCD and intrusive thoughts about my love for my boyfriend.

Rocd at 15. Please help

I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(

Relationship OCD

Username: Rookeryend123Rookeryend123

Date posted: 24d ago

Ava, it sounds like you’re going through a lot, I feel for you. However, you’ve got this. I struggle hugely too, some days more than others. The love for him really shines. When you have these thoughts, what’s your initial reaction?

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 24d ago

I just cry. I'm so scared that I don't live him and sometimes I just try to accept the thoughts as thoughts but everyday it feels like I agree w them. Then I remember him and his smile and I get so guilty and sad

Username: Rookeryend123Rookeryend123

Date posted: 24d ago

@avaviolet You clearly love him, and always remember your values - that’s important. Also, love is just a word. He makes you happy, that’s all that matters. OCD will make you want to believe they’re true, otherwise they wouldn’t make you want to cry. Remember how happy you were recently when the thoughts were under control. It’s so hard, and I struggle every day, but remember your values, and don’t let OCD get the better of you. You’ve got this.

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 24d ago

@Rookeryend123 Thank you. I'm just scared because what if I dint want to be in his life anymore?

Username: Rookeryend123Rookeryend123

Date posted: 24d ago

@avaviolet Exactly, what if. OCD will paint that picture in your head for as long as it needs to. Have you got reasoning for not wanting to be with him?

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 24d ago

@Rookeryend123 Not at all but I just know my thoughts are real now and I keep praying that they're not but I don't think God likes me because I dint know if I believe in him or not

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 24d ago

@avaviolet I would love to talk to you more yk I just I feel like you would like that if you wanna drop your @ anything like that feel free may I ask you if you don’t mind are you praying to a pacific god or are you just praying to anyone

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 24d ago

@Notfun I'm not too sure how to drop an @ or anything, but yeah just any god really, I think when I'm actually doing it I have more of a Christian god in mind as I'm more educated in Christianity that any other religion ans I'm terrified if being disrespectful

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 24d ago

@avaviolet No not at all do you have instagram or like anything that I can contact you on if you wanna create a fake account that’s fine too send me you’re instagram and we can talk

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 17d ago

Oh love I almost cried reading this. I'm an adult but I've been with my current boyfriend ever since I turned 15. Like you, I felt from the start that he was for me.. but unfortunately my ROCD hit me pretty much in the beginning of my relationship and made me feel similar. I agree on rather being with him and anxious than being without him. If you have any questions please ask I want to support someone who is so much like me when I was younger :')

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 17d ago

Thank you so so much. I'm so worried that I don't love him and I don't even want to but I don't want to be without him, he's my boy. Will it get better?

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 17d ago

@avaviolet It gets better, but it can come back. That's what I'm dealing with right now hence why I'm here . But it got better for me but we need to work hard on recovery to make sure we can handle the thoughts and be able to deal with them if they ever come back <3 I'm so happy to hear thar your bf is so kind and understanding. That is so amazing what a gentleman

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 17d ago

@Rage against the machine He's really so perfect, I just don't understand why I wouldn't love him

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 16d ago

@avaviolet Do you have an insta? I can talk to you there if you ever need help or support,

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 16d ago

@Rage against the machine Yes, avaaa_violetttt is the @

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 16d ago

@avaviolet I've followed you and I'm here to chat if you ever need someone to talk to just drop me a message !!

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 16d ago

@Rage against the machine Thank you

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 24d ago

I feel you trust me I feel you I was in the same place as you from when I was 14 to almost 16 I had a hard time it was difficult I will tell you the one thing I truly learned was what you stated love a choice it’s not just a feeling you get to choice what you want to do every day you get to choice to fight and for you’re partner every day don’t fall into these thoughts I know it’s hard trust me I hadn’t been in a long term relationship since ocd I’ve been in one for like 2 years and then after that I would get ocd thoughts and run off but I know someday I will have to face it again but I have Jesus with me next time I do face and next time I do face it I know it’s going to be when I’m married which is scary but it’s okay don’t fall for the lies I know it’s hard instead of giving in or freaking out say to you’re self maybe I don’t love him and leave it at that let yourself sit with the uncomfortable thought there might be times where it’s hard and you give in but don’t quite trust me I know it’s easy said then done I’ve been there so many times I was fighting for almost 2 years nostop but I know when I get married I will have to face that challenge but I have god to help me through it all

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 24d ago

@Notfun I hope that helped may gos bless you and protect you trust me I know you’re pain I was once you’re age newly diagnosed with rocd I know you might not believe in god so please don’t take this as me trying to push my religion on you but Jesus will protect and help you through out it all even when you don’t know him I hope you get the peace that I finally got

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 24d ago

@Notfun Thank you so much. At the moment I'm finding comfort in the idea of god, and I'm trying to learn more bur Idk how really

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 23d ago

You going to make a fake instagram and give me the @ so I could talk to you or you don’t feel comfortable

Username: avavioletavaviolet

Date posted: 23d ago

avaaa_violetttt is the @

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 23d ago

@avaviolet Alright I will add you

Username: NotfunNotfun

Date posted: 23d ago

@avaviolet Added

Username: geochristina

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

Please does anyone else have the same thoughts and feelings as I do who suffer with ROCD (bearing in mind I love my boyfriend, he’s the kindest most loving boy and I love him with all my heart) we spend all day laughing with eachother! I’m constantly like: You don’t love him, this isn’t right with him, you’re horrible for stringing him along, break up with him, break up with him, did you ever actually love him, you’re probably a lesbian, you don’t find him attractive, there’s nothing between you two Then in other moments when I’m not feeling this I literally could cry with how amazing he is! 😢🙈

Relationship OCD

Username: Chlo_alexis

Date posted: 2y ago

Question

Hey guys I have rocd and I need advise or some words of encouragement When it comes to the feelings of oh I dont love my boyfriend even when I say I do it feels like im lying to myself and it makes me discouraged but I am too numb to fight it Its like my body doesn't want to accept I do Moments when I think oh I want to do something with my boyfriend my brain and feelings shut it down like oh its just going to turn into a routine or nothing he does will make you into him It just makes me depressed and numb because I love my boyfriend a lot, I could not imagine leaving him when I know all I want is him Sometimes my head tells me oh you are too young to have rocd (im 19) or there's always the grass greener on the other Side why settle But I love long term relationships and I want it with him, I chose to date him because it was something about him that was just different and I instantly connected with him We also been together for almost a year (anniversary on August 25) and sometimes my head tells me oh if you guys were together longer its rocd since a lot of people that are on the app I've seen had their relationship for years With anyone dealing with this and go through these episodes in recovery what is it that you do that helps you go forward with your partner and not feeling like giving up

Username: jijiii

Date posted: 1y ago

Cheating Rocd

I'm writing this with fear and shame, i really love him. I do love him i don't know how to tell you how i really love him i just can't explain how but i really love him. Me and my partner are dating for almost 8th months, our 1st-5th months was very genuine, beautiful it just feels so perfect (not having this unwanted thoughts). Until we reach 6th months we started to have this nonsense arguments, he start to bring up my past, to the point that he will feel upset then i will feel sorry for dating them, this continue to happen for 3 weeks or 4. I give him the reassurance because he deserve that. I give everything so that he wouldn't feel insecure. He always tell me not to leave him. Not to cheat on him. And i undrestand bcs i know that his ex cheated to him, as much as i can i give him the reassurance. Then sunddenly i have this unwanted thoughts, about this 1 ex who is my classmate, who gave me a trauma. -What if i haven't moved on to him? -What if i'm cheating to my partner? - His feelings? my man's feeling he will get hurt - Why am i thingking this? am i really cheating? - This is emotional cheating Searching - How to know if you really love your partner - What is the meaning if you're thingking about your ex -How to know. if your partner is the one -Signs that you're missing your ex etc... This make me feel guilty, and ashame because i started to have unwated images also its like a tv then my ex will pop up then even music, movies, or even a book! i can't even rear or watch or hear a single song because it made me think that i relate to that song, i relate to that movie, i relate to that one line in that movie. Its crazy for example i'm watching tiktok, then boom the first who comes in my mind is that ex, anddd thisssss make meeee goo crazinggg i having this battle with my brain, i keep saying the name of my partner how i love him i just can't control it. Until i got my first key word by searching which is *Unwanted thoughts Then boom, Rocd So i search, youtube,fb,tiktok,google every information that i can have i watched awakening into love every rocd channel that i can find. I analyze every situation just to know where it started, how it started so that i can explain to my partner properly, until one day i finally have this courage to tell him he say sorry, and he feel sorry so we have this rule in rs now "we won't bring up past na" he stopped doing it na, i gave him information abt it then yeah he stop doing it na, but it still hunt me. Im sorry for my grammar, im not really good at english. I really did my best to explain this as much as i can. i just want an advice. :)❤

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Struggling with ROCD and intrusive thoughts about my love for my boyfriend.

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