Advice on improvement/compulsion?

I’ve been struggling with breaking the cycle of hyper-awareness around my actions. I’m afraid that if I let go and stop overthinking, I’ll somehow slip and do something really bad, and that fear is hard to shake. For example, I’ve been trying to engage in behaviors that felt natural before this flare-up like playing with my dog. But I’m really focused on not touching her inappropriately while still trying not to avoid the areas near her tail. While part of me feels a bit more comfortable now, I’m not sure if I’m truly moving forward or if I’m just giving into another compulsion. I feel like I’m constantly second-guessing whether I’m being cautious and mindful or if I’m stuck in hyper-focus and questioning every move. Has anyone else dealt with similar experiences? How do you tell when you’re making progress versus just feeding into the OCD cycle? And how on earth do you handle the guilt and shame that linger?

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w

First, kudos for the effort you've put into this so far. The fact that you're able to not entirely avoid playing with your dog, despite the fear of doing something inappropriate, means that you're probably making good progress in general. As far as trying to figure out if you're "just being cautious" or if you're stuck in "hyper-focus," I personally think that either case is a compulsion. Any amount of extra caution or "checking" to ensure that you aren't doing anything inappropriate is basically a compulsive behavior, as innocent as it may feel. At the end of the day, you're attempting to gain control of the situation. You're feeding the intrusive thought that if you "let your guard down" you're going to "do something inappropriate." Instead of exercising any sort of caution when you're playing with your dog, what you can do is notice all of the uncomfortable feelings that arise while you're doing it. The goal is to get out of your head, and to bring your attention to the present moment and what your body feels like. No matter what thoughts arise, and no matter how anxious you might feel. Just take notice of what it all feels like, and acknowledge it. You don't have to try to figure out if you're doing a compulsion or not. You don't have to "be careful" about what you're doing. If you are able to set with the uncomfortable feelings while doing something that is triggering to you, for any amount of time, you're making progress.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 41w

@djflorio It’s very recent that I’ve learned this is OCD. I feel like I don’t know a world without it because I’ve always over-analyzed my actions. I have no idea what it means/looks like to be fully present. I appreciate your detailed reply. Thank you so much I’ll keep trying to acknowledge the thoughts/feelings without giving them too much power. It’s just so much harder to do than to say. Thank you again

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w

@isshpra - Yeah I totally understand, and can heavily relate. The trickiest thing about all of this is that the way to get better doesn't really involve any logical thinking or problem-solving, it's totally reliant on actual first-hand experience. The reason this is the case, is because the part of the brain that dictates when we feel really anxious (the amygdala), was one of the earliest parts of the brain to evolve within the span of human history. Long before spoken language was ever a thing, we as a species relied on our instinctive ability to sense danger with our feelings and gut reactions. And this "fear center" of our brain is one of the first parts of the brain to develop in childhood, well before we are able to speak or think logically. Because of this, when we try to talk or think ourselves out of a primal fear, we are quite literally speaking the wrong language. Those parts of the brain don't understand language at all, they understand feelings, sensations, and emotions. This is why the cliche advice of "take a moment and breathe" actually makes a lot of sense. When you take control of your breathing, and fully become aware of your sensations, you're actually communicating to that "fear center" in the brain that everything in this moment is okay. You are quite literally demonstrating to yourself that there is nothing to be afraid of right now. This idea of demonstrating to yourself that you can handle the anxiety is the basis of ERP, which is the gold-standard treatment for OCD. Check it out if you haven't learned about it already!

Flower1004

Date posted: 24w

It’s been getting worse..

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

Hi_1

Date posted: 16w

Advice?

I’ve been stuck in this cycle for the last month or two and am not sure how to get out of it. Basically, I will work on ignoring the thoughts and not responding or engaging plus limiting/completely eliminating compulsions. After a week or two of constant work, the amount of intrusive thoughts in a day goes down. The anxiety each thought causes also goes down with some, but not all, thoughts passing without notice like they would for a normal person. The thoughts that do stick cause anxiety and make me want to ruminate or do other compulsions but I make sure to limit them. After a bit, I’m in a pretty good head space. This is usually when it goes down hill. I’ll start to question if I even have ocd because some of the thoughts (once again not all) pass without notice. The difficulty resisting compulsions goes down and so does the anxiety, only increasing the questioning. I spend a while questioning if I’ve ever had ocd in the first place and then something sets me off or the questioning itself becomes a trigger and I get stuck back into the same ocd cycle with constant rumination, anxiety, and other compulsions. This lasts for a week or two before I know I need to stop and try and work hard to get back to ignoring the thoughts. And the cycle just restarts over and over again. Does anyone have any tips to stop this from happening? It’s really harming my recovery as every few weeks I dive back into the same negative place I was.

Jabre7

Date posted: 13w

Anyone else have a problem with this?

I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.

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