I made a bad choice when I was a teenager. It is by my standards one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I hit my sibling when I was upset with her, she was a lot younger than me, and she is non-verbal. I shared a room with her and she kept getting out of bed and crying at the bedroom door because she wasn’t ready for bed. I had spent about 2 hours bringing her back to bed and tucking her in and at a certain point I just lost my cool. I had school in the morning and for whatever reason I felt I couldn’t ask my mom for help. (I can’t remember why) I hit her, yelled at her, called her a bad girl, and pushed her into bed. In hindsight it makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach that I would treat someone like her like that. I realize as an adult so much more I could’ve done and how I could’ve handled the situation better. I could’ve gotten up and got her a snack, maybe she was hungry. I could’ve gone downstairs and woke my mom up and told her I was getting stressed out. I could’ve left my room and had a shower to stop my frustration from bubbling. I just feel so rotten about this, and I need to say this somewhere. It’s been about 8 years since this has happened, I’ve told my mom and my boyfriend about how horrible I feel about this. They don’t really seem to get it. In every moment of her life besides this one incident I have been her best friend and I try to do as much as I possibly can to enrich her life so when I express this regret with my family they tell me “I’m sure she’s forgotten”, “look how much she loves you” etc. My boyfriend compares this instance to times he hit his sister as a kid. I just don’t find it the same and I don’t know how to move on from this, especially since I’ve been obsessing over this during my most recent meltdown.

seekingvee

Date posted: 6y

You were kid, and that's a lot of pressure for a kid. Forgive yourself.

Dulce

Date posted: 6y

What you did was very shit definetly. But you should try to forgive yourself.

Delaney

Date posted: 6y

You need to forgive yourself for this. Was it a bad way to handle the situation? Yes. But you need to remember you were still a child at that point, and that losing your temper in one moment doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad sibling. At the end of the day, it sounds like overall you’ve been very caring and good to your younger sibling, and even the fact that you’re thinking about this so much shows that you care and love your sibling deeply.

Anonymous

Date posted: 6y

It’s very good that you understand that what you did was wrong and acknowledge what you could have done better

rlr

Date posted: 6y

everyone does shitty things when they’re young! the good thing is you recognize it was bad now and you learn and grow from your mistakes

AnonymousV

Date posted: 6y

Why were you responsible for putting your sibling to bed, and not your parents?

Anonymous

Date posted: 6y

It is a long story, basically over the years my sister got used to sleeping in my bed because we shared a room and she’d always crawl in with me, so she would no longer go to bed on her own. Because it would sometimes take a few hours for her to fall asleep someone had to be laying with her or else she would scream, because I also had school in the morning and because we shared a room it just made more sense that I would be the person to lay with her until she fell asleep instead of my mom who could be up cleaning or spending time with my step dad.

AnonymousV

Date posted: 6y

@treehouse It was not your responsibility at all to take care of your sister, whether it was convenient or not. You were not equipped emotionally and otherwise to take care of a child. It's not on you. Forgive yourself. Completely and totally.

Anonymous

Date posted: 6y

Thanks guys, I wasn’t looking for validation because I know it was wrong but I just wanted to share. From what I’ve seen on here, I think a lot of people with OCD can’t let things go, especially regrets. It’s horrible to feel this way because I’d like to believe I’ve redeemed myself as a sister and a friend but in reality I feel like this is something that will forever define me as a bad person. Sigh, I would love to try to work through some of these feelings in therapy but idk when I will be set up with a therapist. Thank you for listening

Mila19

Date posted: 6y

I have a VERY similar OCD struggle. I’ve been told it fits under moral scrupulosity. I did somethingYEARS ago as a young teenager that I really regret and it randomly popped into my mind. I could/ still cannot stop obsessing over it. My therapist had me write a VERY detailed script of the incident with my worst feared consequences from the event. My hw was to record it and listen to it on repeat. I haven’t been able to get myself to do it yet. Anyways, my point is that I 100% empathize and we should motivate each other to do erp work. :)

J🧸

Date posted: 23w

Please help.

I’ve posted something vulnerable here before and I’m trying to ride out the wave of reassurance where it’s getting at me and I’m scared of sitting still with nobody to talk to about this at the moment I genuinely think it would be easier if I wasn’t around. I view my friends as pure compared to me and I’m the most impurest. I feel like this would do a favour to stop being here I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know. I’m literally alone in this and I’m getting tired. How do you deal with stupid choices that you made as a child? I’m trying to be understanding of past mistakes but it’s gut wrenching to try and accept to say and admit you did it knowing you’ll spend the rest of your life with that guilt..is there another perspective to this..???

Sunshinemomma17

Date posted: 21w

I acted on my intrusive thought in a half-asleep state and I don’t know how to live with the guilt

Hi everyone, This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I’ve struggled with POCD for a while — intrusive thoughts that go against everything I believe in. I’ve never acted on them before. I’ve always been terrified of them and done everything to avoid them. But something happened the other night that I can’t stop replaying, and it’s tearing me apart. I was in that in-between state — not fully asleep, not fully awake. I was dreaming that something was “okay,” and in that moment, I moved my child’s hand toward me in a way I now feel completely ashamed of. I wasn’t aware of fully choosing it, but I remember it. I remember that it felt like I was following the dream, like my brain said it was okay. And the part I can’t stop obsessing over — that’s destroying me — is that in the dream, my child said, “no.” That moment makes me feel like the worst human being on the planet. I don’t know if he said it out loud or if it was part of the dream. But it felt real, and now I feel broken. I love my child more than anything. The fact that this happened — even in a foggy, dreamlike state — makes me feel like I crossed an unforgivable line. I’m not here to excuse it. I’m not here to get reassurance that it didn’t happen. I’m just trying to find someone — anyone — who has experienced something like this. Acting or moving in a way during sleep or semi-consciousness that your waking self would never do. I don’t know how to live with this guilt. I feel sick, ashamed, and like I’ve ruined everything. Please be kind. I’ve never felt more alone in my life, and I don’t know how to move forward from this.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 19w

I cant move on

TW: Trauma , ab*se( I dont want to trigger anyone,I hope I won't) I just cant move on from a horrible mistake.When I was 16 a kid told me another kid hurt them.It was very bad.It was an abuse..and I didnt do anything.And honestly I am scared, Idk what to do right now.I want to apologise because I didnt help them..to apologise to their parents, tell them, but I am scared they will blame me( ik,I am a foul) .I am ashamed because I am scared.I could have helped the kid and I didnt.And the fact that the kid trusted me and I didnt help them is killing me.I am so sorry.I want to apologise , do something now,but it might be too late and I dont want to trigger or scare the kid.And since then I got the same ,horrible , repetitive thoughts when I see the kid: what happened, how I didn't help, how terrible it must been, especially because they trusted me.I cant stop these thoughts.Is a cycle.I am thinking that I am complice because I didn't help and that I am a criminal and should be punished.I will go to a therapist soon and Idk how to start telling them about these thoughts.I wish I can go back in time...

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