I made a bad choice when I was a teenager. It is by my standards one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I hit my sibling when I was upset with her, she was a lot younger than me, and she is non-verbal. I shared a room with her and she kept getting out of bed and crying at the bedroom door because she wasn’t ready for bed. I had spent about 2 hours bringing her back to bed and tucking her in and at a certain point I just lost my cool. I had school in the morning and for whatever reason I felt I couldn’t ask my mom for help. (I can’t remember why) I hit her, yelled at her, called her a bad girl, and pushed her into bed. In hindsight it makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach that I would treat someone like her like that. I realize as an adult so much more I could’ve done and how I could’ve handled the situation better. I could’ve gotten up and got her a snack, maybe she was hungry. I could’ve gone downstairs and woke my mom up and told her I was getting stressed out. I could’ve left my room and had a shower to stop my frustration from bubbling. I just feel so rotten about this, and I need to say this somewhere. It’s been about 8 years since this has happened, I’ve told my mom and my boyfriend about how horrible I feel about this. They don’t really seem to get it. In every moment of her life besides this one incident I have been her best friend and I try to do as much as I possibly can to enrich her life so when I express this regret with my family they tell me “I’m sure she’s forgotten”, “look how much she loves you” etc. My boyfriend compares this instance to times he hit his sister as a kid. I just don’t find it the same and I don’t know how to move on from this, especially since I’ve been obsessing over this during my most recent meltdown.

You were kid, and that's a lot of pressure for a kid. Forgive yourself.

What you did was very shit definetly. But you should try to forgive yourself.

You need to forgive yourself for this. Was it a bad way to handle the situation? Yes. But you need to remember you were still a child at that point, and that losing your temper in one moment doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad sibling. At the end of the day, it sounds like overall you’ve been very caring and good to your younger sibling, and even the fact that you’re thinking about this so much shows that you care and love your sibling deeply.

It’s very good that you understand that what you did was wrong and acknowledge what you could have done better

everyone does shitty things when they’re young! the good thing is you recognize it was bad now and you learn and grow from your mistakes

Why were you responsible for putting your sibling to bed, and not your parents?

Thanks guys, I wasn’t looking for validation because I know it was wrong but I just wanted to share. From what I’ve seen on here, I think a lot of people with OCD can’t let things go, especially regrets. It’s horrible to feel this way because I’d like to believe I’ve redeemed myself as a sister and a friend but in reality I feel like this is something that will forever define me as a bad person. Sigh, I would love to try to work through some of these feelings in therapy but idk when I will be set up with a therapist. Thank you for listening

I have a VERY similar OCD struggle. I’ve been told it fits under moral scrupulosity. I did somethingYEARS ago as a young teenager that I really regret and it randomly popped into my mind. I could/ still cannot stop obsessing over it. My therapist had me write a VERY detailed script of the incident with my worst feared consequences from the event. My hw was to record it and listen to it on repeat. I haven’t been able to get myself to do it yet. Anyways, my point is that I 100% empathize and we should motivate each other to do erp work. :)