aliciabrownx
- Date posted
- 5y
Charly57Charly57
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi everyone, I’m also experiencing this so I know what you feel. And the worse moment is, to me, when you’re not sure that you have ROCD, when you start doubting that maybe you are lying to yourself, trying to convince yourself, and that ROCD was an excuse... Even when I know I love him, and spent very good moments 2 days before... I am so sad I try to work on it and calm down but it’s hard.
failure2failure2
- Date posted
- 5y
you cannot calm down your thoughts, trying to force your feelings will only be damaging for you. for me, i found it useful to 1) ask for time to my gf everytime my thoughts were uncontrollable, were i would sit alone, listen to some relaxing music, and let them flow 2) have a good ass cry 3) accept that i COULD feel bad the entire day and thats not a "sign" (this is difficult, like i have trouble accepting that i could feel bad the entire time i spend with my gf every time i visit her - LDR). best of luck, i'm going to my gf place in two days so i'm kind of anxious right now, i hope that you will feel good at least one portion of the time you'll spend with your bf, but even if you won't its not a sign or anything and you can choose to love him anyway.
Tones100Tones100
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel exactly the same as you. Every time I plan or do anything with my bf like a mini break, holiday, romantic dinner etc. my ROCD always ruins it as it sets up so much expectation!! It drives me insane. Honestly I am my most relaxed and fun and “in love” with him walking round the shops buying dinner when I least expect it. Just remember that if you have these thoughts it’s not you it’s your demon OCD. Accept these thoughts and be aware that they’re there but don’t play with them or toy with them. You got this ????????
babycatbabycat
- Date posted
- 5y
May I ask what your ROCD obsessions focus on? Ever since August my ocd has gotten way worse because I started having obsessions that I don't want to be with my husband anymore or that he's a bad person, even though that's not true at all. It's really messing me up.
aliciabrownxaliciabrownx
- Date posted
- 5y
@babycat yeah I’m the same, I CONSTANTLY think I don’t love my boyfriend but I mean I literally have these thoughts 24 hours a day it’s so draining. I wait to feel ‘in love’ but never do because I just big it up so much in my head, I’m also very irritable and it’s just so annoying!!
babycatbabycat
- Date posted
- 5y
It is incredibly draining, I'm constantly having them too :(
aliciabrownxaliciabrownx
- Date posted
- 5y
@Tones100 it’s so good to know it’s not just me with that feeling, it just triggers me because I think is it actually these OCD demons or is that how I actually feel!! :(
Related posts
clair_m88
- Date posted
- 23w
Valentine’s Day ROCD :(
Really struggling today so far. I have partner-focused ROCD so I’m constantly picking apart my partner and looking for warning signs that he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t want to be with me or care for me. Valentine’s Day is really hard for me because it’s not a huge holiday for the two of us but of course my ROCD takes it and runs with it. It tells me that he doesn’t love me, things won’t get better, he doesn’t care, he’s lazy, he’s the worst boyfriend, etc. This sucks so much because I just want to accept the fact that my brain wants to tell me these things…it is just so hard!!! :(
Catherine Na...
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 23w
ROCD this Valentine's Day
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
Anonymous558
- Date posted
- 15w
Struggling relationship and ROCD (help)
me and my girlfriend since we started dating we be only had one problem, and that is my fear of everything of losing her of her cheating, and it’s all caused by OCD. my texts are massive and i get worried i know i love her and she makes me calm i know i love her. we had a conversation yesterday and basically she said that she feels suffocated with my texts and my fears. she went on trip were she doesn’t have her phone. and yesterday i spent the entire day crying about her. my head is filled with intrusive thoughts. and last night i got so stressed that it seemed like the love went away or i couldn’t remember the love, but it’s impossible because i was crying about her yesterday. this struggle my relationship is having is making me so stressed. pls give me advice
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond