Those who recovered?

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

is there anyone that is not on meds for ocd and is recovering? im really trying to stay away from meds

I’m wondering if this has happened to anyone else… I’m 28 years old. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was very young and it took a while, but I overcame it. I haven’t had any compulsions in 20 years. I’ve had some horrible things happen in the past, but nothing brought back my OCD. The only thing I struggle with is overthinking and making decisions. Im about to take a sabbatical from my work for a year to travel because the last year of my life has been by far the happiest and most confident iv ever been. I went to see a therapist a couple weeks ago who was an OCD specialist, I just wanted some tips and tricks for decision-making while I’m on my trip. She warned me that my OCD might get worse before it gets better, but I thought that she just meant with decision-making and overthinking. They have this program set out that I didn’t really wanna do but she told me it works really well so I decided to try it. It’s two sessions a week and the first two sessions were sort of just talking about my old OCD and doing questionnaires. I really related to some of the questionnaire questions, and the therapist was actively telling me that I definitely had OCD the whole time which made me feel bad. After our second session, my OCD came back full swing like when I was a child. I cant stop thinking about doing compulsions every waking second. It’s been two weeks. I’ve been to her several times and nothing is helping, I’m resisting the urge to do compulsions as much as I can and I feel like I’m fighting for my life. Nothing is helping and I’m burning out. I wake up and cry everyday because of how uncomfortable and out of control I feel. I never thought this would happen and im so mad at myself for ruining my trip. I feel like I’ve ruined my life tbh and even if I do get better, I’m always gonna be bothered by the constant fear that even at the highest and most happy points in my life it could just come back at any second with no warning signs.. I thought I knew how to deal with it and had the tools, but nothing is working this time and its ruining my life. Today I asked about cancelling my trip altogether, and I might be going on medical leave. Has this happened to anybody and do you have any tips for me?