Comparisons

I’m worried that because of all my comparisons between me liking my bf and fearing only being a lesbian instead of bi I actually want to date a woman and not a man. Like it feels convincing. I’m scared I’m gonna be unfulfilled in the future and have to live with my decision when I know I’d be happy with him. He is my best friend and a wonderful partner and I love him so why am I so scared. Maybe it’s cuz of my mom’s divorce. I’m worried we’re gonna build years of a life togteher just for me to regret my decision and leave him for a woman. I don’t wanna do that Help

ArdenLives

Date posted: 27w

I’ve wondered sometimes if I just went out with guys because it was culturally accepted, but when it comes right down to it, I have also been attracted to men my whole life. And I’m sorry about your mom getting cheated on. That would make it so hard to trust! As for me and mine, after 9 years, we’ve had times when sex wasn’t the best and the friendship held us together. But the depth of our connection seems to be making sex better than I ever thought it could be. We have both had bad experiences with sex and they are part of the problems we’ve had that were pushing us apart. But we talked about and made a conscious choice to “keep choosing each other” if that makes sense. What brought us together isn’t what keeps us together. We had to grow together and even change sometimes, but always (and only) for the betterment of both of us, not just one. We tried a couples therapist, but she recommended we go separately so we could figure ourselves out first. We’re both creative types, so we’ve decided to make being together like creating art with our lives together. It’s cheesy but it sounds better than just saying “marriage takes work.” It does, but so does making art or anything else worthwhile. I’d like to think I could have had this kind of relationship with a woman. I kind of do - I call her the girl I should have married (we met in college but I couldn’t process the idea that I loved a woman at the time). We’ve agreed that we would have been amazing together, but she has a husband and kids now. She always jokes that men always die first so we’ll end up in a nursing home together someday. Sex is amazing, but on its own, not fulfilling to me. Investing in love and relationship is what has, so far, given me the best orgasm of my life! (So far)

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@ArdenLives Gotcha thank you! Idk I feel somewhat indifferent about planning a future rn and it could be the fact I’m mentally exhausted and that’s why I’m feeling like this? Did you ever feel indifferent or lost? I’m worried it means I have to leave him or smthn

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@ArdenLives I also sorta feel the same about sex, it’s not fulfilling on its own but having him around in other aspects is fulfilling but I’m worried it’s not fulfilling enough if that makes sense. Idk. There’s nobody else I’d wanna be with other than him but I feel so numb

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

It no longer feels like an ocd compulsion. It feels like denial. I’m confused

ArdenLives

Date posted: 27w

Wow… I really relate. I got married 9 years ago, and it’s thanks to my husband that I’ve started to embrace my attraction to women (I was brought up super religious). He basically helped me come out. I do think about it more often than I’d probably admit to. I never got to know what it’s like to be with a woman. He’s said it would be ok to experiment if I want to, but that just seems weird. I don’t want a person to be “my experiment.” And the women I’ve been in love with were always deep emotional connections that I abruptly cut off for no reason. (I know the reason now.) If I was younger, I might have made a different choice, but I’m choosing to embrace the deep friendship and sexual attraction I have for my husband. There are lots of people I could be with of either sex, but it’s kind of amazing that we found each other. Maybe someday I’ll take him up on the experiment thing, but I’m not ready yet. I’m just glad he understands.

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@ArdenLives That’s super sweet, honestly I’ve had my crushes and like 2 situationships with women that didn’t work out. And I love my bf. I don’t want to experiment cuz I think what I had in high school was enough, even if it wasn’t sexual. It was just nice to know that I liked women as well as men. I’m just worried I no longer like men lol. And by deep friendship do you mean you don’t like your husband romantically? Which I realize is a really silly question but I’ve read that lesbians felt a “deep friendship” to their male exes and that was it. I know my bf is my best friend, and k love him deeply but I’m worried it’s just as a friend. But I don’t willingly kiss my friends. Or plan a future with them that involves them waking up next to me everyday(which rn is really iffy cuz I’ve been so in my head). Idk how marriage really works tbh cuz my mom got cheated on so- if you have advice I would greatly appreciate it. I wanna stay with him but I’m so scared of making the wrong choice

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Companionship vs love

Does anyone else worry and obsess over whether they desire companionship w their partner or if they actually love them? This is a fairly new obsession for me and before this I was so sure and willing to move toward, but now with this I’m feeling like this is my truth.. that I just want companionship with him and I’m not actually in love with him :( and this hurts man I don’t want just companionship I want him for him and I want to grow with him and have a deep meaningful relationship but the feelings ocd gives me feels like that’s a lie and I don’t actually love him deeply, but it’s so weird because I don’t experience that feeling of knowing deep down that it’s true the way I do with soocd. With soocd now I know deep down being with a woman isn’t what I want, and I don’t feel that certainty now with feeling like I don’t love my bf, but it feels like there’s no other option and all this trouble I’m going through to be happy with him is proof I don’t love him

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 19w

Soocd while in a relationship

Is anyone here going throughbSOOCD while being in a relationship? If yes, do you feel like “something is missing” even tho everything is great? My OCD keeps on telling me “you’re settling” or “yeah you’re happy with what you have but its nothing compared to what you would be feeling if you were with a girl, but you’re with your bf for society!” Im soo tired!! When I look at him I find him so attractive and handsome but i dont know if im attracted to him or if he’s just attractive!! And while growing up I was never “pulled by guys” but I thought that everyone was this way! I also used to look at girls because I found them Beautiful but I thought that everyone used to look at them this way! I think what truly bothering me is “comphet” and the “lesbian masterdoc”. Like I feel like I can relate to some points! Yes I used to choosw my crushes growing up but it felt like everyone used to do the same thing! As for my current bf, we started out as friend and then it turned into something else but now im scared I just agreed to being his gf because “that’s what I had to do” and im scared that he’s my “beard”. I particularly got triggered yesterday because my friends were talking about their celebrities crush and I couldnt think about anyone without forcing it! Instead I could easily think about kristen stewart or someone with the same vibe. All of this + my feelings must mean something no??? I just want to feel “in love” my bf is perfect!

Sexual Orientation OCD

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

Couple of rough days - soocd

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Comparisons

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community