It feels like I don’t feel excited

Valentine’s Day is coming up and so is my bf and I’s 1 year anniversary which is insane to me. I don’t feel excited about either tho. Could be because I have exams on both days. I’m also just incredibly depressed lately. My dog passed a couple weeks ago. I miss him. I miss my family. Uni sucks. I don’t feel excited about anything. I didn’t even get him a Christmas gift. He doesn’t celebrate (Muslim) but I still wanted to get him smthn but I never did. Idk why. I wanted to. Why didn’t I? I was kinda sick upon getting back to school. And the semester ramped up fast. I feel bad. But no pit in my stomach. I also didn’t feel anything when he kissed me and thought “release meeee” more in a funny tone but idk I still thought that. Why. I didn’t get turned on making out with him. Why. When he said sweet things I didn’t feel anything. Oh god. I feel awkward when we talk about sex. Sometimes if I’m in the mental state, it’s hot. But if I’m not it’s just awkward for me Do I just not love him? I wanna go out and buy him gifts but I’m worried it’s an act and I’m just gonna break up with him anyways. I don’t think I wanna do that. I’m still looking for a therapist rn. Do I even want to be with him? Will I be happy with him. I’m so confused. I feel good when he’s with me but is it just the attention. Am I just scared of hurting him and that’s why I won’t say anything?

OCD Helping ...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

I'm sorry you've had such a tough run lately. For what it's worth, a lot of these thoughts about your BF are probably being heightened from all your stress right now (I'm not a doctor, by the way, that's just my opinion). Often times -- certainly for me -- major stress can trigger our OCD responses and, considering you've dealt with some highly stressful stuff lately, that definitely tracks. Regardless, my best advice right now, especially with so much going on, is to try to be patient with yourself and sit with the discomfort these thoughts provoke until they pass. This will make you anxious, but facing these thoughts head on without engaging them emotionally is the best way to ultimately lessen the charge that comes with OCD. I promise, once you get through the fog of OCD, there's a lot more genuine peace and clarity on the other side... Hang in there and keep at it!

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@OCD Helping Hand I don’t feel physically anxious just numb. I’m worried I’m putting up a front and faking loving him. I have had a lot of stress between school and life. I’m just. Sad. I’m worried it means I don’t love him enough and we should break up or smthn but I don’t think I wanna do that but the numbness feels like I should. I was staring at him and I was wondering “hmm should I break up with him. Idk I don’t feel too great lately and im kinda bored” and idk I didn’t feel anxiety. Im clearly ruminating and obsessing cuz it’s 3:30am and im not asleep. Im worried I don’t feel enough for him. He seems so excited and head over heels in love and I feel. Indifferent almost. And I don’t wanna feel this way. I feel nauseous around him and get anxious when he’s being sweet. This never used to happen. I feel so horrible lately

OCD Helping ...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

@LiaExe28 - Understood. That sounds really overwhelming and difficult. Thoughts and feelings in relationships can be so complicated without OCD, so I know how challenging all of this can feel when OCD is added into the mix. Beyond whatever feelings this might be dredging up though -- numbness included -- something you said that I think is worth focusing in on here is the rumination piece: If you're ruminating, worrying constantly, trying to diagnose/fix a problem nonstop, then regardless of if you do or do not want to be with your boyfriend, your OCD's got you right where it wants you. With that in mind, the best thing to do right now is work through the surface level OCD symptoms -- the compulsive worrying and reassurance, the checking, the seeming want/need to act immediately -- these are all hallmark signs of OCD. Once you have done what you can to address those symptoms, you'll be able to look at your relationship a lot more objectively and with clearer eyes. When OCD gets bad, it can act a lot like collected fog on a windshield that makes the reality on the other side of it hard to make out. Your best bet right now is to focus on wiping the OCD fog away so you can allow yourself a chance to see through that windshield clearly again. For what it's worth, I get how hard this is. I've dealt with similar things in the past and I know everything I'm suggesting is easier said than done. Regardless, though, I'm sorry you've been feeling so horrible lately. I'm sending you nothing but the best, most positive, brightest vibes possible... And remember, it's always darkest just before the dawn.

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

please read please

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i had a panic atack please respond please

I just had a panic attack. It feels too real. It feels like I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Why is this happening? Why don’t I feel anything? Why don’t I love him? Why am I even questioning whether I ever loved him in the first place? I’ve been stuck in this for so long that I’m starting to believe it’s the truth. What if I feel this way because I just don’t want to accept that I don’t like him? What if I led him on this entire time? When I talk to him, I feel nothing. I’m not interested in anything. I can’t have conversations with him, I can’t kiss him, I just feel numb and fake. I feel horrible. What is happening to me? How did I get here? Why don’t I feel okay? I don’t understand what I feel. I feel like I’m lying to myself, like I’m stuck in this terrifying loop. I also feel like I don’t even care that I’m hurting him. I know he’s upset, and I know this is affecting him too, but I feel nothing about it. I don’t know why. It’s like something is blocking me from feeling anything. I know I should care. I know I love him. So why do I feel like I don’t? I feel so lost. I feel like I’ve changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore. What if this is real? I just want to feel normal again. i dont understand what is happening. i fear i didn’t love him ever because these thoughts started in the 4th month of us being together. in two months we make 2 years. am i leading him on? im a horrible person. i dont understand .

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

It feels like I don’t feel excited

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community