opinion needed

Hi everyone :) I'm fighting with false memory/real event ocd right now and I just need somebody to be completely honest with me. Last year i met a new colleague and she's gorgeous. I was feeling a little self conscious about my looks but it wasn't like I couldn't stand her or anything. I tend to always compare my bf to other boyfriends and when she showed me her bf I THINK (i'm not sure) my head went "oh oh what if he's better looking. What if you'd rather have a bf like him than yours? " but also statements and not only "What ifs". I remember liking talking to her because she's a very good listener but she told me that she knew her now boyfriend while she was with her ex still and they met each other again through friends and she broke up with her ex back then because he was kind of toxic. This was a huge trigger for me too. And she's like 4 years younger than me, you could tell by the way she was acting and no offense but i was just not fully vibing with her. Now my head keeps telling me that I didn't want to stay in contact with her because I thought that her bf is better looking than my bf I have to hide my bf WHICH DOESNT MAKE SENSE I LITERALLY SHOWED HER PICTURES OF MY BF. I love my boyfriend so much it make me sick to my stomach to even think about this being true. Am I an as*hole?

anonymous0184

Date posted: 42w

Take a breath! You’re not a terrible person, I experience things like this too, went through the same thing when I was in a relationship. You just have to remind yourself it’s not you who’s thinking these things it’s the OCD. OCD makes you think the worst possible scenario and makes you believe it’s true, just keep reminding yourself that that’s not the case.

Oezzi

Date posted: 42w

@anonymous0184 Thank You so much for your reply :) It just makes me feel so guilty and horrible. Sometimes I don't know how to cope with it. I'll try reminding myself that even if it was true, it was my OCD trying to scare me and avoid everything.

anonymous0184

Date posted: 42w

@Oezzi I like to remind myself that if I was such a horrible person, I wouldn’t be feeling guilty about it. But since you feel the guilt, you are able to recognize what’s wrong and right, and that makes you a good person in my opinion. Hang in there :)

Oezzi

Date posted: 42w

@anonymous0184 You're definitely right. Thank You sm 💓

Jax.Saw.The ...

Date posted: 42w

Awwww I feel your struggle. You are so not an a hole… “can we say ass in here? Haha) Also it’s not a crime to think someone is more physically attractive than your boyfriend. It’s actually a normal thing that has nothing to do with how you feel about him. I also had a what if moment with an ex a long time ago and I didn’t even realize it was ocd at the time. In just one instant a thought popped in my head “do I love my boyfriend” I knew I did love him but for months I felt so guilty because that question stuck and I had that dread feeling all day. I even felt nervous being around him at one point. Eventually it subsided and I’m sure yours won’t last as long because you know the truth. This is totally OCD trying to get ya.

Oezzi

Date posted: 42w

@Jax.Saw.The light ROCD is a pain in the bum 😭 I'm so sorry you had to go through that too. It confuses the hell out of me cause my boyfriend is so attractive to me but back then I had a little flare up and started questioning everything again. I also have a long history of getting bullied which is probably a huge indicator to why I sometimes tend to care A LOT what others think of me and the people I love the most. Thank You for your kind words 💓

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