nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Uncomfortable :(

This isn't forever, and I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm so uncomfortable in my own body. I can't stop hyperfocusing on every little sensation I experience, especially when I have intrusive thoughts. I can't stop holding my my breath or tensing up when I experience them. I know it's a compulsion, but I genuinely feel so unsettled. The physical sensations of anxiety aren't really there. Like, I'm not nauseous, but I just feel... off. I hate my mind, I hate these thoughts. Like, I wish OCD didn't attack every single thing in my life. I'm feeling really gross right now. I haven't been able to cry in so, so long. It's probably due to my meds, but I miss having that emotional release... Just a mini vent. I've been really struggling against the urges to confess/seek reassurance. One more week until my next psychiatrist appointment, but I'm just really frustrated with my brain right now.

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

Hey friend ❤️ I have no advice for this specific situation but I will say I’m always here to listen and every time I see your picture I think it’s a panda 🐼 haha not a dog 🐶

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Thank you 🥲 I really appreciate that. I don't want to go into detail because that'll be a compulsion, but it's just nice to know that you'd be willing to listen. I'm here for you too, if you need me! We're all in this together 🤍 Also, I didn't see it until you pointed it out, but you're right lol. It does look like a panda until you zoom in on it!

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae Yup I’m always here … heck even if you want to talk about something not related to OCD for a bit so you can get your mind off of stuff and step away from erp I’ll listen to that too ❤️ but I am proud of you for realizing that going into detail would be a compulsion in itself .. way too go I’m proud of you … and thankyou I truly appreciate it…. Hehe wether it’s a puppy or a panda I love both just the same

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

@Blueberrycows In that case, why did you choose your username? It's always stood out to me lol. We don't have to talk long, but it would be nice to shift my thoughts onto something else for a bit, if that's okay with you? And, thank you for being proud of me. I appreciate the kind words! :)

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae Yeah sure sure I don’t mind … so I absolutely love love love cows like if I ever worshiped an animal it would be a cow … and I like yogurt so I chose yogurt cow … but I DO NOT. Like blueberries so it’s a mystery to me why I chose blueberries as the fruit … but over all it just sounded cute and unique

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

@Blueberrycows It does! Cows are so cute. Especially the highland ones.

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae I love highland cows 🐮 they’re like furry puppies .. too bad I’ve never actually seen one

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

@Blueberrycows I've only seen them once when I was really young. On a road trip, I think? They're adorable.

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae I’m so jealous 🤭😂 have you seen the dream cow yogurt containers yogurt comes in? If not they’re different color cows in different outfits representing the different flavors .. I’m obsessed with looking at them

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

@Blueberrycows I hadn't, but I looked it up, and they're so, so cute omg!! The maple ginger flavored one with its little hat is actually too cute😭

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae Hehe I wouldn’t eat them like ever but I’d buy them for the cups

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

@Blueberrycows I fell asleep lol, but I just wanted to thank you for spending time talking with me. It really helped calm my anxious thoughts. I really, really appreciate it! 🤍

Blueberrycows

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae No problem friend I fell asleep as well hehe 😜 and you’re more than welcome

misereri

Date posted: 24w

I get you, honestly I aswell can't cry anymore at one point because I basically do everyday and some days I just can't. I'm always worried that if indont cry if I don't pull my hair and have a panic attack then I'm not distressed and I like it.

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Ugh, I know... I'm in the same boat. Like, the anxiety is horrible, but when it's not there, it's almost just as uncomfortable. I keep having to stop myself from ruminating or checking. I'm sorry that you're struggling with this as well :( You're not alone.

misereri

Date posted: 24w

@nae nae Thank you queen 💞

dee012

Date posted: 24w

Hi nae, i feel like this as well. You aren’t alone in this and the feeling off I completely understand. OCD can make u feel like so uncomfortable in ur own skin, and it truly is unsettling, and like you said, things will get better as this isn’t a forever thing. It’s normal to struggle with those confessing compulsions and seeking reassurance. Obviously we want to be reassured and it’s okay, but it’s good to realize that reassurance seeking isn’t good in the long wrong. That’s a step and you actively trying not to is a good thing, proud of you! I also understand the not being able to cry. I think our nervous systems r just wacky rn because of all of this. Medicine can also do that I heard. But yes crying is good, not saying to force yourself to cry but maybe listening to music that can make you feel whether it’s happy or calm can be good(not as a compulsion), or using art as an outlet can be good for release if that’s something you are into. You got this! Sending love and healing🩷

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Thank you! I know I'm not alone in this, but seeing comments from others who relate genuinely helps a ton 🥲🤍 Not being able to cry is weird for me because I'm usually such a sensitive person. Before I started medication, I felt like all I did was cry (due to OCD). I'm glad that I don't feel as depressed, but it's strange not having that ability when crying used to come so easily. Maybe I'm just not used to life without overwhelming anxiety, and that's why I feel off. I can't help but miss it sometimes, and that's strange to say because a few months ago, all I wanted was for it to disappear completely. But now that it's gone, I don't have that odd reassurance I got from the anxiety.

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Afraid I won't recover

I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

nae nae

Date posted: 13w

Tired of feeling like a bad person

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Uncomfortable :(

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community