Intrusive Thoughts About Death of Mother

That’s good to know. And from what I’m learning we sometimes have to confront those fears head on with the understanding of why we have that fear. For me, and it sounds like for you, it is because we love our mothers deeply. And fear losing them. So we have to lean into the fear and say “yes, one day that will happen. And you will get through that too.” Which is awful to have to do. It’s almost scarier. But from what I’ve read and what my therapist has told me we have to lean into our fears in order to conquer them. I know a specialist who once told me that OCD is trying to keep us safe. And that helped a little.

I am sorry you're dealing with this. But it is nice to hear I'm not alone. And yes, I think some of what I am dealing with is the passage of time and have I really made the most of it or held onto it at all? Someone told me today it was 5 years ago today that we locked down for covid and I thought "what even happened in the last 5 years?" Specifically about my relationship with my mother. Even though I see her a few times a month. And we have gone on two vacations together, somehow it all still feels so fleeting. And no, we don't control it at all. the best way to control time is to surrender to it and enjoy every second. But with an affliction like this, that makes it almost impossible. Know you aren't alone. I will say medication has helped for sure. This is just a sudden resurgence. I hope it is a flare up and goes away. I watched a great video on ACT today that helped me look at my thoughts differently a little if you'd like the link.