Trigger

yeah, it's really difficult because i don't want minors to feel ostracized or feel in any way that it's their responsibility because it absolutely 100% isn't. they deserve to get the help they need as well. but the constant intrusive thoughts and urges feels like the worst mental health episode i have ever had. i feel like my mind is completely broken. idk every time i overcome one fear, another pops up. I'm so done with it tbh. Idk what to do. the idea of the possibility of even commenting something heinous or terrible is making my heart race so accepting uncertainty just feels so wrong. but i know it's what i have to do. why is this shit so hard 😭

@moon027097 I know exactly what you're talking about with all of what you said. I hate that it seems like once you overcome one thing, another intrusion shows up. It's very mentally exhausting and it makes me feel hopeless about it too

@BigGyro09 it's like you can't catch a freaking break with it. and i try to disengage and try to just let the thoughts be, but it's terrifying. i don't want to cause harm in any shape or form. sorry that you're going through it too. thank you for replying, it makes me feel a little less alone.

@moon027097 Yeah, letting the thoughts be on your own can be really difficult and awful to do. It's honestly impossible right now because they just continue to bother me time and time again. Everytime it gets way too overwhelming I just mentally escape into the past where life was easier and things were just better. No problem, you've been helping me with replies as well

@BigGyro09 and that's the thing, i would really love to reach out to a specialist and get treatment or something 😭 but it's not accessible for me rn. so it just feels like im waiting this out. so i relate to what you say about the past. i wish things were easier. but then my brain goes "but if you've done it, then you're a bad person which means you deserve to feel like this" which just leaves me feeling even more lost because then it's like?? What do I do then? Get help or not get help??

@moon027097 I really hope you're able to get help soon. Do you have insurance for a therapist? If so, do they accept it here? Yeah, the real event intrusive thoughts are the absolute worst for me because they are based on things that really did happen and not just my imagination being intruded upon. That's the stuff that makes it hard to get through the day at all. It's like you told me though, we should get the help we need even though we don't think we deserve it

@BigGyro09 thanks. unfortunately, i don't have insurance. i pay out of pocket for my current therapist, but she's affordable as she isn't a psychiatrist or psychologist. im really you're struggling like this :( i hope each day it gets better, even if just by a little so it makes it a bit more bearable. i hope we can get help soon.

@moon027097 I really do hope you can get insurance soon. That would be a good first step to take for getting the help you need. I'm seriously just hoping that we can get back to where we were before OCD started in the first place. Life wasn't full of anxiety, worrying, and tearing myself down because of the past or things I didn't do right. I just want to be able to believe in myself again, pick myself up, root for myself again, and not be so negative. I just hope we can get to a much better place no matter how difficult things seem right now.

@BigGyro09 i hope for the same things 🙏🏽 being on this app makes it just a little easier to bear. im glad there's a community here

@moon027097 You can say that again. I remember my earliest days of OCD where I did not understand why I kept thinking the same thought over and over again. I went to look up my fears to see how other people viewed it and eventually I found out about NOCD along with other OCD related web searches.

@BigGyro09 yeah i found the app through reddit and thought well im really desperate so let's give it a try, and it's played a big part in keeping me going the last 2 months

I have an entire real event OCD scenario about exactly that. It still bothers me a lot today even though I know my intentions were not to harm that person in any way at all. Only to help them, even when I told them I didn't want to talk to them because of the age difference.

i also experience this as well!

@BigGyro09 Man... I'm really sorry. That sounds so frustrating :(

@moon027097 I hope one day, maybe not soon, but one day, we'll heal from this! Until then, hang in there 🤍

@nae nae i shall🤞🏽you take care 🫂