Zu
- Date posted
- 16w
Urge to reassure seek
What did I do if I really want reassurance
dslitedslite
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
Sit with the discomfort instead
JediMJJediMJ
- Date posted
- 16w
If you ask for reassurance, will you believe the answer? Will that settle the matter?
Zu Zu
- Date posted
- 16w
@JediMJ Yes
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
@JediMJ You can’t ask that question lol everyone with ocd will answer yes lol because we believe that…. It’s only after the fact do we realize “ mmmm nope, not good enough, i need more reassurance “
JediMJJediMJ
- Date posted
- 16w
@TexasOCD41 I was going somewhere with my question. My follow-up post explains more of where I’m coming from.
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
@JediMJ - i know i read it lol i was just saying that first question was loaded haha.
JediMJJediMJ
- Date posted
- 16w
You won’t ask the same question in an hour/day/week? You can truly let it go? Then have the conversation. I had a situation where I thought my partner was attracted to someone she was spending time with and I was not seeking reassurance but I was driving myself crazy with thoughts about it. So I finally told her my fear, calmly, not accusing, and asked if there was anything going on. She reassured me and I believed her and that was that. If I had an intrusive thought about it, I referred myself back to that conversation. I didn’t ask her again because I didn’t need to. That conversation really did settle it. I did approach the conversation calmly and with the willingness to accept the answer, whatever it was. My real fear was that she was going to leave me. So, I believe that in certain circumstances, asking for reassurance could be helpful. Not helpful was me asking, “Are you mad at me?” 50x a day. I don’t do that any more. It was an endless loop. So, if you can break a loop by asking, go for it. If asking just feeds the OCD cycle, don’t do it.
Zu Zu
- Date posted
- 16w
@JediMJ I ask for reassurance before and I felt normal for like 2 weeks and I’m panicking again
JediMJJediMJ
- Date posted
- 16w
@Zubaida Then I wouldn’t ask again. I’d refer myself back to what they said last time. If that didn’t help, I’d accept that life is uncertain and I can’t know. I might do some breathing exercises. And then find a way to move on with my day. Sigh. It’s hard. I know. But you can’t continue feeding the cycle.
Zu Zu
- Date posted
- 16w
@JediMJ Thank u that helps a lot even though I feel i need to know
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
Find something else in the present to redirect focus on and say “ I’ll delay this for 3 hours, if I still need reassurance in 3 hours I’ll reevaluate “
Zu Zu
- Date posted
- 16w
@TexasOCD41 And if I carnt stop thinking about it?
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
@Zubaida - thats ok. OCD is not a thinking problem, its a feeling problem. By not responding to the thought, you slowly will train your brain that you can disregard thoughts, that they are not important unless YOU WANT them to be. The goal of treating OCD is not to get rid of the thoughts, its stop performing compulsions. I employed ERP on my OCD. i was asking for reassurance 500 times a day. I knew i needed to stop because it never satisfied my anxiety. it was HARD at first, i would literally stand in front of my husband and he would be like " whats up?" and i would say " hang on, I'm thinking of how to talk to you without asking you for reassurance" lol i had to reprogram my brain. NOW? i still think the EXACT same thoughts that used to SIGNIFICANTLY distress me. but now they mean nothing, they have zero meaning, they are just random useless thoughts and I'm able to just sweep them into the trash and focus on what is important to me.
Zu Zu
- Date posted
- 16w
@TexasOCD41 I really want to get to that point but I know it will be hard
TexasOCD41TexasOCD41
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w
@Zubaida - Its hard for a little while then its freedom. Vs continuous torment. the decision is ultimately yours.
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