LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

Couple of rough days - soocd

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

I’m going through the exact same thing right now. I don’t feel sexual attraction to any man on TV anymore and only girls and it confuses me. I’ve always been straight, and only have had emotional feelings towards men. Now im questioning everything because of my sexual feelings to women only on TV or porn or something. I have been diagnosed with SO OCD, and keep reminding myself to go back to my values. I value my relationship with my boyfriend so I lean into that even with the fear in the background. It’s extremely hard because I feel like im faking it and don’t know if im truly happy, but I guess that’s the uncertainty you have to deal with when it comes to OCD.

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 Real. Idk if I’ve felt much arousal to men on tv, maybe crushes but arousal takes me a while cuz idk this person at all😭 with my bf I imagined romance first then once we started dating- sexual things. I think that means I fall under demisexual? Which tracks for me. I’ve never thought about looking at a stranger and then imagining smthn like sex with them 😭sorry tmi but yeah. I did lose sexual attraction to my bf for a while. Any sex was interrupted by an intrusive thought or a horrible spike in anxiety. This happened when I initially got my birth control put in. Fucked me up good

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@LiaExe28 Do you feel arrousal towards women? This is so confusing!

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 Only in porn/sex scenes/lingerie i think if I’m honest. But now it’s all my brain wants to think about and I just UGH

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@LiaExe28 Same that’s the only time I ever have liked it… and I’ve never wanted to act on it in person or even had the thought to until recently. Now I freak out around my boyfriend and any girl that I come into contact with. I need to just remind myself it’s the OCD. But also my dreams are insane and they confuse the hell out of me because they always have me getting arroused by girls but never guys. I hate it it’s so confusing and I just don’t want to feel like this anymore

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 I remember when my ocd first started I had a dream(tbh a nightmare) where there was a goth girl laying on my bed in my dorm and touching my face and when I woke up I was paralyzed. I was so anxious I was about to throw up when I went to see the on campus therapists. I could barely breathe. I was crying and my stomach hurt. Even now as I’m describing this my brain is like “you liked it, you found the goth girl pretty and wanted to touch her” and I just feel tension rising in my body

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@LiaExe28 Me too!! I don’t remember how I felt the first time it happened honestly (which scares me because im like did I like it) but I had a dream last night and I woke up in sweats and terrified. Because in the dream I liked it! So does that mean I do like it???? I don’t know. Obviously it’s intrusive since I panic so much, but I liked it and I woke up arroused and almost in an orgasm (tmi sorry) but like COME ON. WHATS HAPPENING!!

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

I also talk to ChatGPT way too much. As I stopped doing that, I started getting less anxious and my days have gotten better but I often find myself going back into the spiral of using it as new questions and thoughts come up

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

Sorry I keep responding but I relate to this so heavily. I am so terrified that im making the wrong decision by staying with him because I am suppressing other feelings for women, even though I’ve never actually had emotional feelings for them. I keep telling myself something is off in our relationship and that im faking everything. It’s exhausting

Rodia

Date posted: 14w

You can talk with me If you want I suffered the same 2 years ago.

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@Rodia Any advice? How are you doing now?

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

@Rodia Im gonna ask the same as kitchensink, advice? Did you ever feel like- numb? Towards your partner. Idk it kinda just sucks. Idk what healthy love looks like so I’m figuring that out but it caused my ocd to panic

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@LiaExe28 We are really on the same page here 🤣 I didn’t feel numb until recently around him. And I feel numb around everyone. Absolutely emotionless, and im typically a very emotional person.

LiaExe28

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 Real😭I can laugh and stuff but even with friends it feels weird. And when I don’t feel enough around my bf I’m worried I don’t love him or smthn😭 idk how to live in a long term relationship cuz this is my first one

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@LiaExe28 ME TOO!! I am so isolated with my life right now just my current situation and me and my boyfriend are long distance. So that sucks but I usually want to talk 24/7 to everyone but I have no energy to talk to anyone and it all feels fake. I visited my boyfriend this weekend and I controlled the gay thoughts pretty well but then I was sleeping next to him and couldn’t sleep at all because I was questioning if I even love him and if I wanted him to be cuddling me all night. It was awful. But also how I know it’s OCD, once I was able to control one thing it latched onto another. We can get through this shit!!!!!!!

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 19w

Soocd while in a relationship

Is anyone here going throughbSOOCD while being in a relationship? If yes, do you feel like “something is missing” even tho everything is great? My OCD keeps on telling me “you’re settling” or “yeah you’re happy with what you have but its nothing compared to what you would be feeling if you were with a girl, but you’re with your bf for society!” Im soo tired!! When I look at him I find him so attractive and handsome but i dont know if im attracted to him or if he’s just attractive!! And while growing up I was never “pulled by guys” but I thought that everyone was this way! I also used to look at girls because I found them Beautiful but I thought that everyone used to look at them this way! I think what truly bothering me is “comphet” and the “lesbian masterdoc”. Like I feel like I can relate to some points! Yes I used to choosw my crushes growing up but it felt like everyone used to do the same thing! As for my current bf, we started out as friend and then it turned into something else but now im scared I just agreed to being his gf because “that’s what I had to do” and im scared that he’s my “beard”. I particularly got triggered yesterday because my friends were talking about their celebrities crush and I couldnt think about anyone without forcing it! Instead I could easily think about kristen stewart or someone with the same vibe. All of this + my feelings must mean something no??? I just want to feel “in love” my bf is perfect!

Sexual Orientation OCD

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 15w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9w

Hard day

Having a little bit of a rough morning. My boyfriend and I are finally ending long distance next month and moving in together! I’m so excited, but the big change means some ROCD and SOOCD flaring up. I also got triggered by a tik tok of a bisexual woman this morning. I’ve been ruminating about: - ending long distance and being in a more consistent routine will make me realize I don’t actually love him and that we’re not compatible - I will not like spending so much time with a man but I enjoyed a long vacation with a girl friend one time (my best friend and I took a 7 week trip to Europe after we graduated college early and I had so much fun and we hardly fought / disagreed) - if i have been suppressing my attraction to women, even though I really don’t think I have feelings for women. I admire their beauty and always have, but I truly think that’s as far as it goes - substance use ocd also came up this morning? Worrying that I will become an alcoholic / that I secretly want to drugs and drink all the time I’m also getting my period in a few days and have flair ups around this time and my ovulation time. Just looking for support 🫶🏼

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Couple of rough days - soocd

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