ROCD thought - can anyone offer advice?

If anyone can maybe relate or offer advice if this is a normal thought process…trigger warning, I discuss breakups in this post. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3+ years. Over a month ago, we got into the worst fight possible where we actually broke up for a week. During the week I felt we were broken up but had the hope we were going to work things out - and then I come to find out he didn’t think we were broken up but just taking time apart. Anyways, I went to a party with my friend and my boyfriend and I’s mutual friends. Keep in mind, during this entire time I didn’t know if we were getting back together and for the first time in our relationship I had true doubts. Anyways, one of their friends I hadn’t met before walked in and I met him and thought he was cute. No big deal right? But then I remember having a thought of “maybe this was supposed to happen, you meet someone else and this is the universe telling you that”. I kind of remember brushing the thought off and I barely spoke to that guy the entire night/didn’t even have interest in chatting with him. Honestly didn’t even bother me. Now over a month later, I’m worried about this thought and feel GUILTY over it. Like, is that a normal thought to have while going through a potential breakup? Does that make me a bad partner? (Because now things are back to being great with my boyfriend). Dare I say it makes me feel like I cheated somehow, when literally it was just a thought. If anyone maybe can offer insight I’d so appreciate it. I feel like that was a normal thought to have given the circumstances but idk.

Firefly girl

Date posted: 4w

I think when we go through periods of growth, our ocd can lead us to view things from a distorted lens. Maybe the universe was showing you someone new, maybe not. But you chose the path of staying and working through things with your boyfriend. That’s your present reality. Don’t feel guilty for thoughts you can’t control!! Ive experienced something similar. I realized a lot of my rocd stems from issues I’ve had with my family because my mom is a narcissist and it rubs off on my siblings. During this time, I was convinced I was having this huge spiritual awakening and this guy I talked to for 2 minutes was my soulmate and I had to leave my boyfriend and everything I love behind. But there is room for a gray area and there is room for mutual growth in a relationship. It’s just a matter of what path is more valuable to you in the long term. I reminded myself that if I REALLY didn’t care about my boyfriend the thought about this other guy being my soulmate wouldn’t be so distressing. I ended up confessing it to my boyfriend but DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AS ME. WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS. The grass is always going to be greener where you water it💓

Anonymous39826

Date posted: 4w

@Firefly girl Thank you so much- I need to remember this! That we are not our thoughts. Just because we had a thought doesn’t mean it’s true, it’s our actions that matter 🩷 ugh I just hate when the guilt is so strong. Truly makes me feel terrible

Firefly girl

Date posted: 4w

@Anonymous39826 The guilt is a terrible feeling and it really takes over you I so get that. But you never cheated, you weren’t together, and in the PRESENT things are great between you two. So come back to that. Everything ebbs and flows💓

Anonymous39826

Date posted: 4w

@Firefly girl Thank you so much! 🩷 do you think given that specific circumstance that’s a pretty normal thought to have?

Firefly girl

Date posted: 4w

@Anonymous39826 I would say so…I think when we’re in an emotional headspace we can definitely be more prone to intrusive thoughts. But I’m also not an “expert” per se and don’t want to give you reassurance…maybe it’s a normal thought to have, maybe not;) The anxiety and guilt is going to come and go but you have control over your own life and who you choose to be with💓

FenWilder1

Date posted: 4w

Not gonna lie I feel for the bait. I did the thing where I left because of my intrusive thoughts. Still don’t know if it’s the right decision or not which is really messing me up. I think I just gotta accept it idk

Firefly girl

Date posted: 4w

@FenWilder1 If you think it’s bait and you left because of your intrusive thoughts then reassess if that decision was aligned with your values. If the relationship wasn’t supporting your growth in any way and you are happier focusing on yourself then maybe you are on the right path. Maybe you made the “right” decision, maybe not. Remember everything is neutral. Accept reality for what it is now and focus on what is in your control. This community is here for you💓

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Rocd -feeling like relief would be to breakup

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months but seriously talking for around 8. I have never met anyone so perfect and amazing. I love him so much. Into our talking stage i kissed my ex situation-ship and ever since have been dealing with the consequences. He forgave me and gave me another chance and i have shown him how much i care every day since. He is over it now since it was only in our talking stage. I have had thoughts with my ex name, thoughts i hate my boyfriend, always constantly thinking if im bored, if i love him. It switches day by day and impacts my life constantly. I don’t feel like myself at all. Some days i can’t do it. I just want to be happy and secure with him. my thought from the past few days is that i want to be single and hook up with other people. I don’t actually want to hook up with others but i feel so terrible and guilty. Does anyone else deal with this? Sometimes i can’t tell the difference between my real thoughts and the fake ones. I have been debating breaking up with my boyfriend because i feel like it’s best but i would be so sad. He is perfect and i see myself marrying him.

nessy

Date posted: 24w

Flirted by a stranger, causing ROCD flare up.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

feeling like the relationship is tainted

i’m anxious because after my boyfriend and i got in a argument i was “daydreaming” or thinking about what it would be like dating someone else who was more “right for me” and what if i was excited about that possibility like i had already moved on from my boyfriend. but when i really think about it i don’t want to be without him and don’t want to picture us breaking up. i know i love him but those other thoughts scared me and im now questioning if they mean im falling out of love with him. and if that’s the case i feel like i need to confess that. but at the same time these thoughts could be ocd because the “daydreaming” started after we had been getting in arguments a lot and then i kept seeing other couples interact online and i compare my relationship to that. but then when i think about my own relationship i have everything i want and am being treated how i want to be treated. i’m just scared that because i have had those thoughts about being with someone else that i need to break up him because our relationship is tainted now and i need to start over and do everything perfectly. i think these thoughts are triggered my us fighting and him not fully understanding my rocd and me looking at relationships where the boyfriend understands the girlfriends ocd and supports her and wanting my relationship to me more like that. which logically i know doesn’t mean we have to break up and i need to start over. i can just bring up this issue and communicate what i want and how i want to be supported. i just feel like i need to confess all these thoughts and that i “daydreamed” about being with someone else (no one in particular) and how im now focused on his flaws in comparison to couples online.

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ROCD thought - can anyone offer advice?

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