Honestly the fact that I’m probably actually gay makes TOCD worse. Like, I know in theory that sexuality and gender identity necessarily aren’t connected. But being attracted girls seems mor nmasculine I guess? Plus I keep reading stories of people who first identified as lesbian and then came out as trans men. And my best friend came out as lesbian and then later as nonbinary. I know that doesn’t mean that applies to me but it makes the doubt so much worse and makes it feel more likely I’m trans because I’m (probably) gay or bi. I don’t know if my TOCD would feel as strong if I was straight. Idk it’s just really hard.

Do you mean do I fear I might be gay? No. I don’t fear that. I actually kinda like that, if fact I might be a bit disappointed if I came to the conclusion that I was straight. What sexuality obsessions I do have are actually part of my TOCD. Because according to my OCD, lesbian/bi = more likely to be trans.

Also being trans = not being a girl (which alone would devastate me) and also = not being gay

I had no idea TOCD was a thing and i just want you to know that my heart goes out to you @ghostly :(( I identify as a lesbian and that identity means so much to me and it sucks whenever my HOCD tries to undermine that. I feel that same pride and importance about identifying as a girl - that piece of my identity is so important to me, and i can’t imagine that being subject to OCD as well. That just SUCKS so here’s some empathy for you hahaha but i know you’ll get through this! There are so many of us out here struggling to reclaim our identities from OCD so youve come to the right place and know that i’m rooting for you. This hits really close to home for me but i know we’ll both be okay

@kinzeymsrin Yeah it’s not as common as a theme as some of the others. It’s starting to get more and more common, though. Probably because trans issues are becoming more and more visible. Which is a good thing! OCD just tends to reflect the culture as a whole. Like religious OCD is more common in more religious countries, and contamination OCD is more common in first-world countries. And thanks for your kind message! It means a lot. TOCD is really awful. It used to feel like I was slowly losing myself. Now it just feels like I already lost. It really sucks. I used to really like and be proud of being a girl. Now I just feel anxiety and doubt. It feels like OCD just ripped my identity away from me. But you’re right, we can get through this! I’m sorry about your HOCD, I’ve never really had that but it seems terrible! Hang in there sister!

*aren’t necessarily

Are you dealing with HOCD as well ?

Ohhh I was confused because you said probably

Understandable :) I’m honestly not sure, but it’s not HOCD.

Not sure that if I’m gay or bi or straight or what I mean. I am sure that it’s not HOCD.

@ghostly that’s super interesting about the changing with cultures thing! I’ve never really thought about that. But yeah i totallllly get what you mean about how pride becomes anxiety and doubt. It’s so upsetting and makes me question literally everything about myself/lose myself just like you said. Just hold on to how you felt before, though, because thats the truth!! I think it also helps to like cling to things about yourself that you ARE certain about, because that makes it seem less like youre losing who you are as a person - you’re a lot more than the gender you identify as, even though it feels like that’s all that matters rn. Rooting for us both!!