- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you mean do I fear I might be gay? No. I don’t fear that. I actually kinda like that, if fact I might be a bit disappointed if I came to the conclusion that I was straight. What sexuality obsessions I do have are actually part of my TOCD. Because according to my OCD, lesbian/bi = more likely to be trans.
- Date posted
- 6y
Also being trans = not being a girl (which alone would devastate me) and also = not being gay
- Date posted
- 6y
I had no idea TOCD was a thing and i just want you to know that my heart goes out to you @ghostly :(( I identify as a lesbian and that identity means so much to me and it sucks whenever my HOCD tries to undermine that. I feel that same pride and importance about identifying as a girl - that piece of my identity is so important to me, and i can’t imagine that being subject to OCD as well. That just SUCKS so here’s some empathy for you hahaha but i know you’ll get through this! There are so many of us out here struggling to reclaim our identities from OCD so youve come to the right place and know that i’m rooting for you. This hits really close to home for me but i know we’ll both be okay
- Date posted
- 6y
@kinzeymsrin Yeah it’s not as common as a theme as some of the others. It’s starting to get more and more common, though. Probably because trans issues are becoming more and more visible. Which is a good thing! OCD just tends to reflect the culture as a whole. Like religious OCD is more common in more religious countries, and contamination OCD is more common in first-world countries. And thanks for your kind message! It means a lot. TOCD is really awful. It used to feel like I was slowly losing myself. Now it just feels like I already lost. It really sucks. I used to really like and be proud of being a girl. Now I just feel anxiety and doubt. It feels like OCD just ripped my identity away from me. But you’re right, we can get through this! I’m sorry about your HOCD, I’ve never really had that but it seems terrible! Hang in there sister!
- Date posted
- 6y
*aren’t necessarily
- Date posted
- 6y
Are you dealing with HOCD as well ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Ohhh I was confused because you said probably
- Date posted
- 6y
Understandable :) I’m honestly not sure, but it’s not HOCD.
- Date posted
- 6y
Not sure that if I’m gay or bi or straight or what I mean. I am sure that it’s not HOCD.
- Date posted
- 6y
@ghostly that’s super interesting about the changing with cultures thing! I’ve never really thought about that. But yeah i totallllly get what you mean about how pride becomes anxiety and doubt. It’s so upsetting and makes me question literally everything about myself/lose myself just like you said. Just hold on to how you felt before, though, because thats the truth!! I think it also helps to like cling to things about yourself that you ARE certain about, because that makes it seem less like youre losing who you are as a person - you’re a lot more than the gender you identify as, even though it feels like that’s all that matters rn. Rooting for us both!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 14w
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
- Date posted
- 14w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond