Worried I've seen something bad

I know this is OCD but I don't know how I can live with myself if these things are true, they're one of the worst things you can do and I wouldn't want to go on if it's true especially because I'm an adult who should be and know better (I'm not a danger to myself right now just struggling)

Sorry to reply again but I was just wondering if you have any advice for resisting compulsions (also admittedly I'm worried my reply changed something and you're secretely judging me)

@NotGoodWithUserNames No, I’ve been through similar things where I felt so loaded with guilt that I spiraled into a depressive episode for about a week feeling like I didn’t deserve to live. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t move. Couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t even breathe without feeling a pit in my stomach. I’ve gone through spirals where I felt like I would never get over them where I did something I thought was atrocious or saw something online or purposely looked something up without really knowing why or whether I did it for bad reasons or if I messed up in any way. You have to understand that everyone makes mistakes. Whether it actually happened or not how you feel about it right now matters more than anything else. Any inkling of regret is enough. My advice for avoiding compulsions is this. If you catch yourself ruminating stop it immediately. Don’t beat yourself up just hold the urge. Even thinking about doing a compulsion like checking is itself a compulsion. That one got me really bad during terrible episodes of guilt related to POCD and ZOCD. The best thing you can do is try to ride out the compulsion. If you need to sleep or rest take a break. Watch something even if you feel like you don’t deserve it because I know I’ve always felt that way but do it anyway. Treat yourself with as much compassion as you can manage even if it’s barely anything. You’ll get through it. It might feel scary at first but with time it gets easier. Stopping compulsions as best you can is key. Eventually the guilt will calm down. You’ll understand that even if you did do something wrong we all make mistakes and that doesn’t mean we deserve the worst. Any kind of remorse is enough. Right now you’re just punishing yourself. Your OCD is punishing you for something that might not even be real. You’re okay. Give yourself time.