I had a dream about a past “relationship” (we didn’t even date and knew him for a week, he’s from another country and he left after telling me he loved me when he really had a gf back home! What a dick head!!!) and for a while I was upset about it. Cuz it was like “exciting” I guess. But in the end it wasn’t really much. But he randomly pops into my head out of nowhere and I hate it. I don’t have feelings for him and he used me. I love my boyfriend so much but now my intense ROCD is back. I keep thinking “what if I don’t really love him and I love this other guy” which is just NOT TRUE. the way my boyfriend makes me feel is just...amazing. Never met anyone like him. But now everything is hard again and s*x has been SO HARD for the past 6 mo since I’ve been off my meds. This is so long and so fucking much but I’m beginning to worry my relationship is getting ruined.

I keep overthinking s*x and it gives me so much anxiety like so much anxiety like “will I even like this? Do I even like this? Do I even like him? Do I find him attractive?” And he never pressures me to do anything. But I get so into my head that even when I do like it, I get so anxious that all I can hear is the noise in my head and I can’t be in the moment. AND I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND AND IDK WHAT TO DO SOMEONE HELP

I'm in a vaguely situation, so I understand. (First of all, if you were feeling genuinely better while you were on the meds, then perhaps you should start taking them again. Then again I'm guessing you stopped because of side effects?) Anyway, the fact that this other person pops into your head is normal, everybody gets totally random thoughts about people that used to know. The fact that the thought stays there and you cannot get rid of it, point to the fact that it is indeed an obsession and not a real thought. I also ask myself, why would you be obsessed about it if it wasn't true? But that's not the way it goes. Thinking back to times when I genuinely liked someone, I would always CHOOSE to think about them, or rather daydream about them. The thoughts were never unwanted. Yes, they might have popped up randomly, but I always WANTED to keep thinking about them. If not, I could choose to think about anything else.

I’m almost beginning to feel like I should give up so he can be with someone better.

May i ask, why did you give up your meds?