I had a dream about a past “relationship” (we didn’t even date and knew him for a week, he’s from another country and he left after telling me he loved me when he really had a gf back home! What a dick head!!!) and for a while I was upset about it. Cuz it was like “exciting” I guess. But in the end it wasn’t really much. But he randomly pops into my head out of nowhere and I hate it. I don’t have feelings for him and he used me. I love my boyfriend so much but now my intense ROCD is back. I keep thinking “what if I don’t really love him and I love this other guy” which is just NOT TRUE. the way my boyfriend makes me feel is just...amazing. Never met anyone like him. But now everything is hard again and s*x has been SO HARD for the past 6 mo since I’ve been off my meds. This is so long and so fucking much but I’m beginning to worry my relationship is getting ruined.

When my soocd and rocd first hit hard, it really shattered my world and the kind of stability I had in life before the constant fear of losing the one I love. When I got my first job, I buried myself in the idea that I was too busy to deal with it anymore, it helped that I started school and got a pet hedgehog as well. But some nights it hits me that this hasn’t gone away at all, I don’t spend night after night or day after day stuck in the same thoughts anymore but I feel so cold inside like I’m not worth anything and like I don’t deserve the love and attraction I think I once felt for my sweet boyfriend. I feel like the fact that I can’t “feel” those feelings for him anymore that I’ve spent so long chasing means I don’t deserve him, I feel like even though the great anxiety has stopped I’m still trying to chase down that love feeling and how it “should” feel instead of just feeling it for what it is. I’m still terrified that if I let go of my walls that I’ll realize I don’t love him and lose him. It’s hurting me bad and making me resort to bad coping mechanisms. I’m starting to seek out validation again and craving that rush of infatuation when in reality the only one I want is my boyfriend. For almost a year and a half I obsessed about sexual attraction, it’s really affected my intimate life. I have self-esteem issues about my body, my “skills”, fear of not liking it enough and false expectations just all cause me to not feel much in my body and it makes me horribly sad. My boyfriend says I need to accept the possibility that the things I fear could be true and that I could be with someone else but it’s so hard because I really don’t want that but the longer I fight it the further away I feel from him. I didn’t think ocd could be this complex and cause such havoc on my life. I kind of miss when I felt extreme anxiety every day and had the same thoughts over and over because at least then it was easier to know it was my mind games at work. Now it just feels like I’m sabotaging myself daily by chasing the feelings of love I want. I don’t want to ruin this otherwise healthy relationship, my boyfriend is my best friend and I still want that. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like a lot of people just have the obsessiveness and I’m here trying to deal with the side effects of the after math and it makes me feel so alone

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

So I've been struggling with this for more than 1,5 years... My ocd about my relationship began so suddenly. At first it was just anxiety,but later it was about an old friend of mine. I had a huge crush on him before my bf and since I met my bf I didn't feel anything anymore and we just grew apart. Until my ocd thoughts started about the old friend. I keep comparing everything with him until I feel satisfied with the fact it's feels better with my bf than it would with the old friend. I don't want him!!! He wast the person I needed and me and my bf have such a beautiful relationship and I love him so much..the ocd goes and comes but it's always about the old griend and sometimes I begin to doubt the fact it's ocd or it's just meant to be with the old friend?? But I don't want that!!! I am so happy with my bf and I don't want the old friend!!!! I keep revising the same sentences to comfort myself and I can get trapped in the thoughts for minutes! How can I stop this...what if it goes on for more years ugggg....hoping the ocd goes away soon again. Because sometimes the thoughts do go away but now it's back...