- Username
- nicky310
- Date posted
- 6y ago
ERP: “I might have a thing for her. Oh, well. I guess we’ll see.”
It would be abnormal if you didn’t have thoughts like that when HOCD is flaring.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I am too, that’s why I’m here. I know you weren’t gay shaming, I have no judgment about you, your relationship, your identity, or anything other than that we both have OCD issues. I’m currently dealing with major guilt issues. So my affecting you made my guilt soar. It just escalated very quickly! Clearing the air, I really didn’t mean to sound any negative or triggering way to you. I’m just very open and when you mentioned you’re in CBT I thought discussing worst/best case scenario examples would be okay. I didn’t realize my comment would make things worse and knowing what I do now, I wouldn’t do it over again.
I’m so sorry you are struggling. I’m sorry I also made you feel guilty. It was actually fine to discuss those :) don’t feel bad! I only spiked I guess cos I thought you had HOCD and from that found out you were gay.. but I didn’t know it was to do with guilt... please don’t feel guilty. You deserve to be happy. This life is short. Chase and cherish whatever makes you happy. Thank you :) and I’m sorry again. I wish I could be of more help xx
Basically I love my boyfriend and I dream of marrying him, and waking up next to him everyday. I was doing okay with OCD like doing my exposures, right now I’m struggling and I don’t want to spiral
The thing is, curiosity doesn’t make you gay at all. It makes you human. Sometimes I get thoughts about men now but I know I’m not interested because it was never right for me and because (similar to you) I’m in a monogamous relationship with someone I see myself with forever and know that I can say no to any temptation - man or woman - for her. The same way you can for your boyfriend that you love.
Sorry your comment was very triggering. I have an OCD. And diagnosed, so please refrain from it. I love my boyfriend that I’m with. And I’m happy being straight. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, I never said that.
@shishi
Sorry to have triggered you. It wasn’t my intention, my intention was to share my past experience with questioning worst case scenario as CBT. I’ll remove it for you.
@shishi HOCD is different to being gay, so please do not post something that might trigger someone
@shishi your OCD wasn’t HOCD then... it was something else. That connection you described, I’m happy for you but I’ve never felt that with a girl. Only boys. And love with only boys. So whilst you thought your message wasn’t bad, it set me back a few steps in my recovery. And now I feel awful.
Maybe it’s best if you stop shaming me. I’ve stated my intention. Ive deleted my well-intentioned post. I’ve apologized for the result. Like come on if you’re sensitive to OCD triggers you shouldn’t go out of your way to make someone feel guilty. Thanks.
I’m sorry I’m not angry at you. I’m sure you didn’t mean to sound the way you did. Im just upset and anxious right now.
And I’m really struggling
Im sorry, to avoid misunderstanding - I know there isn’t anything wrong with being gay. I’m actually a huge advocate for gay rights. I just struggle with HOCD and losing my sexual identity as a straight person. @shishi also was that your intention? Because I wasn’t gay shaming at all!
@shishi I’m really sorry, but I’m kind of struggling badly and I’ve spiked terribly :( not to say this is your fault AT ALL but can you go back to what you said about your HOCD and your CBT? I just want to know if it’s different to what I’m going through :( sorry
@nicole310 I can assure you if you do not feel sexually interested in women as you do with men, you are not gay. I think we live in one of the hardest times for people with HOCD today. The nature of entertainment, ads, celebrities, everything is centered around women’s beauty. Even male models are being praised for having characteristically feminine features. So I truly don’t want to make it worse. But I can try and help carefully
Thanks, it’s hard for me because before HOCD started I used to get random thoughts about curiousity with the same sex but that’s all it was. Thoughts. I never did anything. After HOCD, it’s like whoah why did I think that etc etc. it’s terrible. And now I definitely don’t want to (even though my mind tells me that’s what I want) I was hoping you could share your experiences with HOCD? If it’s too much, that’s okay :( I understand 100% and I don’t want to trigger you at all.
It’s also hard because HOCD diminishes sex drive all together so it’s very confusing. My psychologist said it’s all part of OCD and anxiety.
@shishi some insight please?
Sorry it took so long it was harder to talk about than I imagined it would be - it’s not something that I ever talk about with people anymore really
Thank you so much. I’m really sorry to ask that of you. I really hope you’re happy now and I wish you the best in your OCD recovery
No problem. I removed it in case it was too much for anyone else.
Hi All, I (22F) have been suffering from HOCD for the past three months. I am engaged to the man I want to be with. However, I can't kick OCD. I was recently aroused when looking at a model in lingerie. The lingerie was objectively sexy and I briefly thought about how she was posing for a man with her breasts out. Likewise, I thought about how sexy it would be if I wore that. But, now I'm terrified. If I can get these responses from the female body-not the male body-that must surely mean something. Likewise, I have trouble orgasming during sex and I don't always love making out. But, I really don't think I'm a lesbian? Long story short, I need help getting over this. I'm in college and I can barely study. All I do is worry. I can't even enjoy my engagement at this rate because I'm convinced I'm in denial. This sexual arousal gives me incredible amounts of anxiety, especially considering I have been turned on by stuff like this in the past. If anyone has any helpful words, please let me know. I am not seeking reassurance, but I felt this backstory was necessary to explain why this fear has been so potent. There may be some real attraction here, which terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I want to enjoy life and improve sex with my fiance but I'm feeling hopeless. If anyone has any words of advice, it would be deeply appreciated.
I’m new to this app and just wanted to share my story. As a young girl I definitely had compulsions. My mom always told me she would take me to a psychiatrist (I would cry when people sat on my bed). Anyways, as I got older I definitely grew out of a lot of things. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but I have GAD. I know I definitely have OCD because I have done a lot of research. Recently I have really, really been struggling with HOCD. I’ve never experienced this before, and that’s why it’s making it more scary. I’m a young adult woman and have been in a very serious relationship with a male for many years. I love him so much. I am also very athletic and not very girly. I always loved the fact that I was a guys gal, but lately it has made me super insecure. A lot of people at school assume I’m bisexual because I’m super pro LGBTQ rights and idk? Idk why I give off that “vibe”. It never bothered me, I always thought it was funny, and I have no issue with being gay, but I’m definitely not?! During this quarantine my guy friends have said I have way way more guy friends than girl friends, someone asked my teammate if I was bisexual, and I have never had an orgasm from my boyfriend. It started really getting in my head and I keep being like “am I gay and that’s why I don’t orgasm”. This seems so pathetic and writing this actually helps and makes me realize there is no way I like women. But anyways THE THOUGHTS DO NOT STOP. I keep worrying that I do not know myself, and maybe I don’t love my bf, and maybe other people see something I don’t. Anyways, how can I help myself? I am noticing I’m reassuring and checking and starting compulsions
I’ve struggled with HOCD for 4 years now and it’s awful. It started with a dream, and now it’s all I think about. Whenever my brain tries to tell me I’m in denial, I tell myself that the volume and severity of the thoughts I’m having aren’t normal which makes me feel a little better. I’m a woman who has always liked men, I’ve had INTENSE crushes on guys in the past. Even with HOCD I still have crushes. But lately it feels like I’m not even attracted to guys anymore - any time I see a pretty girl I check and see if there’s any sort of physical sensation accompanying it and sometimes there is. I don’t get turned on during sex anymore and I constantly attribute that to being possibly gay. It’s terrifying and I worry that my fears will come true if I don’t fight the thoughts, but they keep coming. I have no aversion to the LGBTQ+ community at all, I completely support them, but if I was lesbian it would erase all of what I’ve ever known about myself and that is what scares me. I used to hate being so boy crazy but now I want that back just so I don’t have to deal with these thoughts anymore. I go to therapy and take medication but don’t really talk about the thoughts out of the fear that acknowledging them out loud makes them true. I know I’m not alone, so if you’re also struggling with HOCD I hear you. <3
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