- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Do you think this incident caused your OCD to come out?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey so I just wanna let you know you’re not alone. My life just fell apart roughly about 4 months ago and it gets better. Long story short: my kind of ex (guy best friend and we liked eachother on and off for 2 years, were a thing for six months then ya) and my best friend got close and I hated it and was really hurt by him (he was awful to me when I was the kindest friend to him, until the end when I responded 10x worse) and we got into a huge fight. Tons of my “friends” from our church turned on me and stopped talking to me and talked bad about me but my school friends remained by my side and I also got my license taken away (another story). Not trying to sound bad but I had gone from this popular girl who went out everyday and never had free time to someone who rarely ever went out. I had lost my guy best friend / boyfriend whom I loved and he promised he wouldn’t leave, my friends, and my license and source of freedom. As well as my health. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago things finally started looking up. I’ve made tons of new friends at the church we go to and school; they’ve all tried to come back and I’ve outgrown them. I got my license back the other day. It was insanely hard though. It was some of the hardest months of my life. My ocd was horrendous, I cried at least once everyday. It’s still hard. Some days harder than others, I’ve cried a lot and apologized and tried to get my life back, but I’m alright with not having the life I had. Cause I’m happy. Just maybe think of it like this, sometimes we must go through the shittiest things to realize how great OURSELVES truly are and how awful some people we thought the world of are. We must learn lessons, sometimes the hard way. But you are incredibly strong and can get through this. I know what it like, you’re not alone.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m sorry to hear this. Would you like to talk about it?
- Date posted
- 5y
And here is a fucked up nightmare , My class is in a bus then it comes close to me im running for the bus and then it leaves just as im a close ;(
- Date posted
- 5y
The thing is im so sick right now im pretty much house bound so ,And the really sick thing is that i dont wanna really even get better so i deliberetly make myself more sick so i dont have to face up to life because i just got so much hate that im scared what i would do if i was healthy.I would probaply carry out some kind of revenge on someone that has treated me bad my mind is getting really sick lately.
- Date posted
- 5y
Do you have harm OCD?
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah ,Pretty much
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand and applaud your desire to not harm anyone but please try to get better.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 21w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 19w
17f Just like the title says. I came to realization that I lost a whole year of life. I remembered my real event in the end of january of 2024. Since then my life has been a living hell. Also kinda made a couple new smaller events through this year. And I know I deserve it cause my event was actually bad. Even people without ocd on reddit agree it was bad. It's still ocd, but I deserve it probably. For this whole year I haven't had a day when I wouldn't think of it. It became my default state to constantly have it on my mind. I walked around, pretended to have fun, talked to people. Most of the time I wasn't really there, I was thinking about my event. My event haunts me when I'm awake, when I'm asleep. I spend this whole year either freaking out, being depressed, thinking on methods to off myself, ruminating, seeking reassurance or trying to distract myself with books, TV shows, social media or daydreaming. Literally barely engaged with reality. So it's so hard to believe a whole year passed... I can barely remember anything that happened during this year. I can't believe this is my life. Probably doesn't really matter cause I don't plan on staying there that long. There is no way I'm going to experience piece with myself. So I will be out in a year or so, since my plan requires some time. Finally will end it all. It just feels very weird. A whole year passed. I was so deep down in my head I didn't even notice. It's scary.
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