- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I grew up in a church and I currently identify as agnostic. I 100% believe that even the most devout religious people have doubts and fears. I also stand strong in my convictions that it does not make you a bad person for questioning the existence of God. I question a lot of things about life (because it's so wonderful and there are so many things to learn! ?). Know that you are not alone and you are not your thoughts.
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- 5y
Thank you ❤️
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- 5y
@faith I have been dealing with the same doubts for almost my whole adult life, and I agree with hedgehogger that every else does too, we just don’t talk about it. A few years ago my ocd got ahold of the existence ofGod thing and whether God exists and whether I believe in God and what if I’m losing my faith. It’s been really shitty. I identify as a Christian, but the things I believe in have changed a lot. No one really knows whether God exists—if faith was that easy no one would have trouble believing. Mostly I now just think that God is so much bigger than I thought God could be. I can’t tell you or me definitively that God exists, but I am choosing to shape my life around the premise that he does, because doing so makes sense to me and brings me structure and foundation that I want and need. And I try to model the grace and love that Jesus showed to those around him. And that’s all I can do. I can’t force myself to believe anymore than I do, and faith will probably always be like sand in my gears. All I can do is hope. If you are a reader, I have found people like Nadia bolz-Weber, Richard rohr, Pete enns, and Frederick bruechner to be so helpful to me through this deconstruction. I see death and resurrection all around me, and the deepest hope of my being is that that is true in ways that I don’t even realize.
- Date posted
- 5y
That’s a really great and helpful answer, thank you ?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
Im going through the same thing. These past couple days ive been experiencing intrusive thoughts about leaving my faith because then I will be ''free". Ive also struggled with a variety of other doubts including the existence of God, and im a very active believer, trying to live out my Christianity so this is all very hard. I have a journal where ive written down evidences for my faith, including blessings or things that have happened in ny life that I attribute to God, but I know that can easily lead to reassurance.
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- 5y
That’s a good idea! I’m just scared to get into thinking about it too much and documenting it, etc because then I feel like I’m being compulsive
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
@faith_v_e Yeah, its hard to navigate. I started doing that before I realized it was OCD so I would recommend seeking professional help.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
The worst thing is that you start to doubt yourself and lose touch with what you yourself actually believe, feeding the anxiety and feeling of being stuck. I experience relationship ocd as well so I try to remember that when I doubt that it is OCD.
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- 5y
God wants you to question. If you do not question, you would only be a follower, not a believer. Religion is the search for truth, so do not be afraid. God has always been inside you and will always be there to guide you through. Even when u can't feel him there.
- Date posted
- 5y
❤️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Sorry, I know I keep posting on here but it’s like a diary for me. The people on here seem to be the only people that understand what I’m going through. With my obsession about death, the afterlife, and whether or not there is a God, I’ve been going crazy with the compulsions lately. My brain keeps saying things like “If [insert random insignificant event, ex: a red car drives by] within the next 30 seconds, it‘s a sign from God that he is real.” Or there’s the ruminating, where I try to comfort myself by saying that there has to be a God, and that we have to have a greater purpose, and I’ll think about it for hours. I know it’s illogical and ridiculous but regardless it’s absolutely dreadful to feel this way. I have hope after seeing some people say they’ve learned to cope with and have recovered from that feeling of existential dread and the compulsions that can come with it and still be able to find joy in their lives. I hope that soon I can find that joy again. The past three days I’ve lived in a constant state of anxiety and misery. I’ve completely lost my appetite and I physically have to force myself to eat (and I’m a big binge eater that only recently went into recovery for BED so that’s saying a LOT.) The only time I feel at peace is literally when I’m sleeping, or those rare fleeting moments where I somehow am not thinking about it. I haven’t really felt any emotions in depth except for this feeling of utter hopelessness. I hope I can move past this, find comfort in restoring my relationship with religion again without using it as a compulsion, and just live my life accepting that there are some things we’ll simply never know without letting it ruin my life.
- Date posted
- 20w
Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi friends. I recently had a relapse with OCD and I haven’t felt that real intense pain/fear/panic since I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. It was awful. I’ve been on medication and going to therapy for some time, and I am happy to report I have grown a lot. Long story short, it’s just become a burden for me recently trying to understand why this had to happen to me (and all of you). When I first started following Jesus, it was such a spiritual high. I had so much peace and joy, and I think within that first year with Him I became obsessed with the Bible and learning as much as I could. I think it was a sweet time, but suddenly a switch flipped. I became concerned that all my head knowledge, though I took to heart, became all I cared about. Then all the intrusive thoughts started, and you know the rest. I was relieved when I got my diagnosis, to know that scrupulosity is even a thing. But today, I sit and realize my OCD has taken on other forms (existential/fear of going insane) and then of course I started asking God “why me?”. And then… of course.. I feel bad for asking that. And then it triggered that same old feeling that I’m not in right standing with God. It’s so meta I can’t take it. Does anyone wonder why this had to be? I know the typical answers “we live in a broken world” and “God will use this for His glory” but is anyone just able to sit in that frustration, and work it out? I want to keep fighting, try understanding, like there’s this itch in me that I need to “figure out” something. But I know God isn’t the voice that’s speaking that to me. But gosh, it’s so brutal and hard. I believe God is carrying me through this. 2 Corinthians 12 has been a blessing for this. I just feel so weak. I get upset this is happening, start doubting God, and then feel guilty. It’s a stupid cycle and I see it. I have a very intellectual mind, and I find that most people with this kind of OCD share this trait. But it’s like, the logic doesn’t help. I just want God to sit in my bedroom and tell me it’s real, my faith is intact, and to keep trusting. I don’t know why He won’t do that for me, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. Anyways, I don’t know what I’m seeking here, but for anyone feeling this way, know you’re not alone. I deeply love you all, even though we are all strangers. 1 Peter 5:9… right?
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