I have Real event ocd about things I did as a kid at 12/13. It’s killing me because it really happened but I feel like a different person now completely. my actions disgust me and it makes me feel like i don’t deserve to be alive. I constantly have flashbacks about the events and it sends me into a state of panic, I feel as if my younger self has traumatized my older self. i’m so scared that things I did make this true, i really am a bad person, even though i’m an adult now and would never never ever do that again. I’m so scared. All I want is to be a good person but I keep remembering gross things I did and now I feel like the biggest fraud to friends and family and everything good in my life.

"Pure" OCD

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I'm curious. If a young person you cared about, like a nephew, did whatever you did, how would you respond? By saying that tey don't deserve to live anymore? By helping them to grow in a healthier direction? My guess is that hat you'd show them more compassion than you are yourself, while still acknowledging that their behavior was unacceptable

chamomilegirl

Date posted: 5y

I would show more compassion, you’re right. I’m just scared that I would judge them or think of them differently like I’m scared of someone doing to me. It’s so hard to tell what’s ocd and what’s not in this situation

garden

Date posted: 5y

Oh same. Same same same. I feel like a fraud, and I feel the need to tell people what I did, to see if they’d still like me. Of course, I never can. I carry a lot of shame for the things I did when I was around ten years old. Things I wish I could go back and undo. But I can’t and nor can you. The present in now. Our values and morals are different, and we aren’t the people we once were. It did happen, but that doesn’t make us any less worthy of a long life full of change and understanding. It’s a part of growth, to identify and learn from our mistakes. We must accept the present moment :)

chamomilegirl

Date posted: 5y

I want to cry reading what you said because it sounds so similar to my everyday thought processes regarding this obsession. ocd black and white thinking makes it so much worse because I think that if i’ve ever done something bad, then my life is ruined. It’s so incredibly difficult and i’m sorry you’ve gone through the same. your words make me feel a little better about moving on despite how guilty i feel.

garden

Date posted: 5y

@chamomilegirl I know. Black and white thinking is so frustrating and terrible at times. It does truly feel like everything’s ruined all because of one thing. But it isn’t. It’s okay to feel guilty, but don’t let that stop you from fulfilling your present life and values. And if it helps, I forgive you for whatever you did, no matter what it was. Now show yourself this unconditional self acceptance too :)

yanni94

Date posted: 5y

Tell to yourself: i'm a good person, i can withstand panic, my family and friends aren't judging me, for a minimim of five times.

Cactus8

Date posted: 5y

Being something I suffered with I understand how horrible it is especially when it is stuff that happened. All I can give advice is trying to meditate, try the headspace app, and you've got to remember what you did before has no effect on who you are as a person now. It takes time but now when I get flashbacks I tell myself theres nothing I can do to change my past but change my actions for the now. Remind yourself of who you are now

UnEnlightened

Date posted: 5y

Whatever you did when you were younger, there are people who have done worse. Everyone has secrets and personal shames. You’re only human and we all do things that we regret. Your goal should be self improvement. You’re just being too hard on yourself. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person.

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