- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm curious. If a young person you cared about, like a nephew, did whatever you did, how would you respond? By saying that tey don't deserve to live anymore? By helping them to grow in a healthier direction? My guess is that hat you'd show them more compassion than you are yourself, while still acknowledging that their behavior was unacceptable
- Date posted
- 5y
I would show more compassion, you’re right. I’m just scared that I would judge them or think of them differently like I’m scared of someone doing to me. It’s so hard to tell what’s ocd and what’s not in this situation
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh same. Same same same. I feel like a fraud, and I feel the need to tell people what I did, to see if they’d still like me. Of course, I never can. I carry a lot of shame for the things I did when I was around ten years old. Things I wish I could go back and undo. But I can’t and nor can you. The present in now. Our values and morals are different, and we aren’t the people we once were. It did happen, but that doesn’t make us any less worthy of a long life full of change and understanding. It’s a part of growth, to identify and learn from our mistakes. We must accept the present moment :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I want to cry reading what you said because it sounds so similar to my everyday thought processes regarding this obsession. ocd black and white thinking makes it so much worse because I think that if i’ve ever done something bad, then my life is ruined. It’s so incredibly difficult and i’m sorry you’ve gone through the same. your words make me feel a little better about moving on despite how guilty i feel.
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomilegirl I know. Black and white thinking is so frustrating and terrible at times. It does truly feel like everything’s ruined all because of one thing. But it isn’t. It’s okay to feel guilty, but don’t let that stop you from fulfilling your present life and values. And if it helps, I forgive you for whatever you did, no matter what it was. Now show yourself this unconditional self acceptance too :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Tell to yourself: i'm a good person, i can withstand panic, my family and friends aren't judging me, for a minimim of five times.
- Date posted
- 5y
Being something I suffered with I understand how horrible it is especially when it is stuff that happened. All I can give advice is trying to meditate, try the headspace app, and you've got to remember what you did before has no effect on who you are as a person now. It takes time but now when I get flashbacks I tell myself theres nothing I can do to change my past but change my actions for the now. Remind yourself of who you are now
- Date posted
- 5y
Whatever you did when you were younger, there are people who have done worse. Everyone has secrets and personal shames. You’re only human and we all do things that we regret. Your goal should be self improvement. You’re just being too hard on yourself. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 13w
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
- Date posted
- 9w
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
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