- Username
- bp224
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Literally I don’t know what I did to deserve your torment, but I am in therapy, and you are going to get weaker and weaker, and I know that scares the shit out of you.
Absolutely amazing ❤️ I commend you for going to therapy
fuck you ocd!!!! stop telling me what to do and get out of my head.
Sometimes I hate you ocd but then I remember you are doing this to try to protect me. You love me so I love you. But I cannot allow you to steer the ship anymore. Your vision of truth is skewed so I cannot follow your directions. You are scared and helpless and I want to help you learn to follow my lead. You don’t have to guide me anymore. I know that with time we will gain an understanding of each other and we can achieve peace and harmony.
WOW!! Incredible take on it.
@Tori B :) Thanks :) it’s helped to be more compassionate to my dumb brain and treat like a scared child that I have to help instead of an enemy that I must defeat. For me personally aggressive behaviors towards make me feel less aware of myself and make it easier to get lost in the cycle
@chinarider I’ve never heard of that take before! I’ve always seen it as a tormentor or brokenness that needed to be fixed. Thank you for the new perspective!
@Evelyn4416 Hope it helps :) I find I feel like I have more power if I view it as a something that I have to care for and help instead of a monster in my head
You’ve took so much of me. Mentally, physically and emotionally. I have nothing else to offer, I’ve exhausted every option. I thought I was a solid brick before but you quickly broke me and transitioned me into a soft piece of tissue. You’ve caused me to depend on reassurance to feel better. I would do anything for that reassurance I had to have it. I stepped up, I went to get help to defeat you. You put me at the bottom but I will leave you there. You’ve manipulated me and my mind. But I let you , I let you allow me to live in fear of so many things. You had me convinced I must admit. The what if’s took over. But you’ve humbled me also, you’ve taught me no matter what or who you are we will all face troubles in life, everyone’s trouble is different and you just happen to be mine. But not for long I’ll pray you away and take the steps necessary to get back to my new happiness. ??
You confuse me. I don’t understand how to cope with you. You are enigmatic & scary & disheartening. I want you to leave me alone & go about your business. Actually, I want you to leave all of us alone. You genuinely drown me & I let you, but I am tired of you always talking in my ear & trying to make me feel hopeless. You won’t push me around forever. Signed, Tori.
Beautifully said ?
@ bp224 thank you ?
Please leave me and my family alone, I’m so sick of your threats against them. You waste my time, cause me stress, and drain me of all the energy I used to have. Before you, I was fine, I felt in control, but now that you’re here I feel like I’m being stepped on. I just wish you didn’t have the amount of power over me that you do.
The fact that you’re in contact with the way you feel is amazing ❤️
I know there are days where I say to myself “why is this my life and why did this happen to me when I was fine before”, but just know I will get back to a place where I will not even think of you again. No matter the torment, I will continue to rise above and get the help I need because you WILL lose and I will WIN.
Yes you will win! Absolutely with that positive attitude you can defeat anything ??
I forgive you.
I’ve got ocd (lol obs) and I’ve always had it, and I’ve tried to tell my mom so many times. I’m 17, and for years I’ve had so many horrific (what I call) flare ups. And it sometimes feels like a bingo game w the amount of types I’ve had. Sometimes I really do just wish I could go to my mom and say “mom I’ve got ocd and it’s really bad atm and I just wanna be okay again because I know it’s ocd but I’m sick of it being there can I please please get some help please it’s not okay please get me some help.” The ironic part is she’s a frigging nurse. And she must just be in some kinda denial. I’m just kinda waiting for this part to pass, I’ve made it 17 years w nobody to help me. I’ve only just told my friends what it’s like but I said things that weren’t currently in my flare up. I swear I’m on the verge of being sectioned for psychosis at this point. But I have made it this far- it will go away at some point on its own. But why won’t my mom help me. Why’s she so defensive- (I know why just like “why oh why won’t she. Yk?) but she’s so blinded by no no it’s all okay everything is okay. I’m sat in my room thinking the only way I could make her see- mom I rly am not okay is if I k*//ed myself. Like, then she’ll be like “…ohhh so she wasn’t okaaay” 💀🥹 if any one person could read this, and just type that it’s okay or something not as obs and generic as “it’s okay” but like just something to show someone’s listened. Thanks. I’ll ignore my trust issues, it’s an ocd app we’re all out here struggling but thanks x🤍🤌
TW. Also long post ahead . I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past 10 years. I’m 32 years old . I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until this year. I was always diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, and depression. I don’t have your typical compulsions. Mine are mostly all mental. Reassurance seeking, avoidance , repeating a prayer , etc . I have three main themes . Schizophrenia OCD, sexual orientation OCD, and HIV. Sometimes i deal with harm OCD and POCD but my main big three are the ones I listed first . I feel like the schizophrenic OCD is the most debilitating for me. For the last ten years I’ve been thinking I’m losing my mind . I thought once I got to a certain age the fear would go away but it hasn’t and is in full force . I’m constantly checking my surroundings, what I’m hearing, how I’m acting , questioning if things are real and so on . Now I do have times where this theme doesn’t bother me . It’s put on the back burner . I go through cycles . But when I’m focusing on this theme I feel like I’m hearing stuff . Most of the time I can’t make it out but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a whisper saying “hey” . It mainly happens at night . It sends me into a complete panic and I feel like “this is it “ I’m seeing an OCD therapist and she recommended me to go to this psychiatric place in town to get meds to help my anxiety from the OCD. My last psychiatrist always pushed the newest medicine and was constantly changing up my regimen. I thought I would give it a try. WORST IDEA EVER . Keep in mind my therapist gave me a letter to give to her explaining I have been diagnosed with OCD and explaining it . She doesn't think I have OCD at all. She wanted to put me on an antipsychotic so me with my OCD brain . I asked her if she thought I was psychotic . She said I was nearing psychosis . She called me interesting . She feels like I have major depressive disorder . I'm just at a loss for words. It was honestly the strangest meeting I have had with a psychiatrist. It was very unprofessional. She has no idea the damage she has done nor do I think she cares. I just don't know what to Believe in anymore ... We met for approximately 45 minutes . First time ever meeting. I just want to cry and I’m freaking out 😢
I have a lot of thoughts about the universe, and they’re overwhelming—like being caught in a rip current, except it’s all inside my head. Most of the time, they’re about how small we are, how there really isn’t a “we” because our bodies aren’t truly ours—we’re just bacteria, cells, and microbes. The thoughts spiral, deeper and deeper, smaller and smaller, coiling until suddenly, I’m pulled under, drowning in a whirlpool. I’ve never felt like this before, and I’m convinced I’ve been faking it somehow. For the past few weeks, my OCD has been worse than it’s ever been in my 20 years of life. Or maybe I’m just more aware of it now. Has anyone else had their OCD suddenly get really bad? Does it ever end—if it even can? I’ve convinced myself that my intrusive thoughts aren’t actually intrusive, that my OCD is a choice, and that everything I do is intentional. As for compulsions, I don’t have the typical “If I don’t do ____ then ____ will happen” kind of thoughts. Instead, my brain simply commands, “Do ____,” and I always give in. It’s so loud in my head, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m an imposter. Like I don’t belong here—like my presence on this app is an intrusion, invalidating everyone else’s struggles just by downloading it and daring to post. If anyone feels that way, if you think I’m intruding, I’m sorry. I only came here because I have no one to share my diagnosis with. Pouring my thoughts out, hoping someone might understand, feels less suffocating than journaling. Journaling is like letting a wound fester—each word burying the thoughts deeper, leaving them to decay in silence, for nobody to ever read but myself.
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