- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I relate to this sooooo much. Based on my conversations with my therapist, I’m deferring to CDC recommendations. BUT the key is to not go above and beyond (i.e. not taking “wash for 20 seconds” to mean “wash four times in a row for a minute each time”). Totally understand that it’s a tough balancing act, but having good (reasonable, medically directed) hand hygiene is a good idea at a time like this. You’re definitely not alone. I feel like I’m living in one, six-week long ERP exercise right now.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes. This. But the guilt is starting to get to me. My ability to self evaluate is totally shot, between the ERP treatment that lessened the contamination OCD down to nearly nothing and the American tendency to be required to work when sick. I don’t trust my brain anymore to tell me anything true regarding illness, and the additional confusion of jobs that would have penalized me for NOT coming into work sick, now expecting me to stay home (but still penalizing next) makes me just want to stay in this bed and not come out until it’s over. And since the CDC recommended that vulnerable populations try to avoid going out, and I live with members of that population, that might not even be unreasonable! What a mess. Also, every time I see that handwashing recommendation I just want to up it to 40 seconds. Let’s kill off norovirus while we’re at it
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Ceej! I can understand how you feel that way. If it were me, I would continue with the treatment. The odds of this virus becoming a major issue in the U.S. seems really low. I’m assuming that your therapist isn’t having you avoid basic hygiene practices like good hand washing? If there starts to be an indication that constant hand sanitizer or masks are needed, then I think that would be appropriate for you to take part in but not at this point
- Date posted
- 5y
The problem is the stuff I was supposed to stop doing (avoiding touching doorknobs, using hand sanitizer, not washing my hands so frequently) are now exactly what I’m supposed to be doing by the CDCs guidelines. So it’s a conflicting situation where I’ve trained my brain to not do these things, now the CDC is saying do them, and I have loads of guilt because I WAS doing these things and STOPPED. Ugh. So frustrating.
- Date posted
- 5y
Oof yeah. It's like having an eating disorder when you're overweight. Everything and everyone encourages you to do behaviours which trigger ED compulsions or which are actually part of it. It makes me seriously angry.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.
- Date posted
- 18w
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
- Date posted
- 18w
sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔
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