- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I relate to this sooooo much. Based on my conversations with my therapist, I’m deferring to CDC recommendations. BUT the key is to not go above and beyond (i.e. not taking “wash for 20 seconds” to mean “wash four times in a row for a minute each time”). Totally understand that it’s a tough balancing act, but having good (reasonable, medically directed) hand hygiene is a good idea at a time like this. You’re definitely not alone. I feel like I’m living in one, six-week long ERP exercise right now.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes. This. But the guilt is starting to get to me. My ability to self evaluate is totally shot, between the ERP treatment that lessened the contamination OCD down to nearly nothing and the American tendency to be required to work when sick. I don’t trust my brain anymore to tell me anything true regarding illness, and the additional confusion of jobs that would have penalized me for NOT coming into work sick, now expecting me to stay home (but still penalizing next) makes me just want to stay in this bed and not come out until it’s over. And since the CDC recommended that vulnerable populations try to avoid going out, and I live with members of that population, that might not even be unreasonable! What a mess. Also, every time I see that handwashing recommendation I just want to up it to 40 seconds. Let’s kill off norovirus while we’re at it
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Ceej! I can understand how you feel that way. If it were me, I would continue with the treatment. The odds of this virus becoming a major issue in the U.S. seems really low. I’m assuming that your therapist isn’t having you avoid basic hygiene practices like good hand washing? If there starts to be an indication that constant hand sanitizer or masks are needed, then I think that would be appropriate for you to take part in but not at this point
- Date posted
- 5y
The problem is the stuff I was supposed to stop doing (avoiding touching doorknobs, using hand sanitizer, not washing my hands so frequently) are now exactly what I’m supposed to be doing by the CDCs guidelines. So it’s a conflicting situation where I’ve trained my brain to not do these things, now the CDC is saying do them, and I have loads of guilt because I WAS doing these things and STOPPED. Ugh. So frustrating.
- Date posted
- 5y
Oof yeah. It's like having an eating disorder when you're overweight. Everything and everyone encourages you to do behaviours which trigger ED compulsions or which are actually part of it. It makes me seriously angry.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
- Date posted
- 24w
sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
My ocd has been at an extreme all time high the past 2 weeks and I am in dire need of some relief. I’m not sleeping right anymore. for context: I live in the south and found a springtail on my sheets about 2 weeks ago. This was like 2 days before our bug guy came and sprayed (it’s a normal maintenance thing here) so it’s a common bug down here and I’ve found them all over different areas of the house before. Finding it in my bed sent me on a bit of a spiral bc I started to doubt if it even was a springtail and that i was wrong and that it was a bed bug, not trusting my brain. It was a bad, sleepless night and carried over continuing feelings. Typical ocd stuff. Well two days later, I’m a nurse and I had a patient that actually had bed bugs. This wasn’t the first day they were here and I did not see any myself but it still freaked me out. There had one 2 founds after visitors came the day before. Of course I wore PPE in the room (coveralls shoe covers and hair net) going in and took everything off before exiting the room. When I came home I stripped in my garage and bagged everything down to my shoes. Threw everything in the wash and did multiple cycles. There were no other steps I could take but I still had a terrible night. Hours of ruminating and going back and forth about tracing my tracks, thinking of new ways I could’ve taken one home with me. Just checking everything. I was already on a spiral from the springtail. Having two such back to back triggering events for me so closely related has made me deteriorate significantly. I was already doing bad with my normal OCD and starting therapy here. I obsess over the thought of having bedbugs constantly and haven’t been able to sleep. I am constantly checking my bed while in it and can’t settle down. My bed is heavy too and I keep hurting myself lifting my mattress to check. But I need to check. I’ve become obsessed. I check everything and go down Reddit rabbit holes looking for new things. And of course, I talk myself into it every time. I can’t take it anymore, it’s bleeding off into other parts of my life like friendship and marriage because I am so high anxiety right now. I need relief so bad. I’ve never felt this unstable to be honest. I feel like even someone without ocd would be really struggling with this topic, nevermind me, with ocd to a point where I just started treatment. These aren’t even my normal intrusive thoughts and compulsive acts. It’s just taken on a life in the last week and I can’t find any sign that it’s going to slow down. when I think rationally I know I did everything right to prevent but I can’t shake it. 💔
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