So I have Ms(an autoimmune disease) and I’m only 15. I was reading this thing about the corona virus and it said more people are likely to die with a weak immune system or a autoimmune disease. And I bawled. I don’t want to die, I’m so young and this is one of my worst fears. I have a friend who’s 18 with Ms too but she’s not as anxious about it. Despite it being in our state. Today in my health class we were learning about a different type of medical job that I really like, I thought to myself that I want to do that and I just had the thought that said “you won’t be alive to do it.” Or if I tell my mom or grama I love you it’ll be like “these are the last few times you’ll say that to them.” And it’s freaking me out. I have no idea what’s gonna happen to me but I’m so scared I’m going to die. Also I’m moving soon and the thoughts are like “you won’t be in your new house for long.” I just need someone to tell me that this will all be okay. I’m not expecting it to end but I just want someone to cry to rn. My mom is understanding but Ik she’s tired of hearing about me being worried about this. And my friend, I can’t bother her about this bc she has college and work to worry about. And my close friends, they don’t know I have ocd. So it’d be complicated to try to confide in. I tried to call the mental health hotline and of course they’re closed. I tried praying but all it does is make me feel less safe and THERE IS NO WAY OUT OF THIS. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL AND THERE IS NONE. ITS NO WAY OUT and I feel hopeless and scared

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

I'm currently living through a massive health scare with really scary symptoms. I am scared I might have an aneurysm due to my symptoms but despite that the doctor's don't think it's urgent. I have some test scheduled but I will have to wait weeks for some of them. I don't know how to get through this knowing I could die any moment. I live in constant terror ever since those symptoms started. I can't function. Can anyone here please help me with this??? I don't know what to do?

I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.