- Username
- SmOCDy
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Sounds like you already know that the frequency and intensity of the guilt you're experiencing is inappropriate for the situation. Although our minds don't necessarily acclimatise to guilt the way they do to anxiety, guilt can be made stronger by resisting and arguing with it instead of allowing it to happen. Emotions don't always make sense but they do need to be felt so that they can stop popping up or controlling your life or state of mind. I wonder if you have a day totally free soon where you could focus on letting your guilt happen fully without arguing with it, reassuring yourself or ruminating about the situation or the past or the future or asking yourself or others for reassurance or looking for it. Just feeling the guilt. You can focus on the sensations of it in your body if you need something to focus on to prevent being all up in your brain. A whole day will probably be long enough to feel the guilt through until it's gone without compulsions. If you catch yourself doing a compulsion, try to come back to the body. You can survive the physiological sensations of guilt without doing any thinking about whether it's accurate, inaccurate, right, wrong, or means anything else. This should help your problem. I have had serious issues with doing my own compulsions and avoidance to stave off guilt as it's a very uncomfortable and worrying emotion, as well as getting so drawn into the debate with it that I begin to question myself much more severely. More rumination and analysing and memory checking only equals more opportunities for things to pop up which make you feel even worse or take you into worse self-doubt. In future when you feel inappropriate or overwhelming guilt, your responses should either be feeling it through as described, or doing the "worry later" method if you can't face feeling it, in order to avoid doing compulsions at all costs, including venting/confessing to others with more posts or asking friends to attempt to validate that the meanings attached to your guilt aren't true, as reassurance. Feel the guilt first. We're here to support you in that. Later comes the insight, and the beers and rants with the boys if you like.
I have very similar feelings my ocd is mostly due to guilt about things I did when I was drunk. And I also have feelings of not deserving to be happy which is miserable. I’m trying to accept and embrace uncertainty like I always want concrete answers if I’m a good person or not but it’s not that cut and dry and I have to live with that uncertainty so it will lessen the anxiety
Totally man! Like it’s so frustrating like I know I’m a good person. But it’s like because one person has said something ocd will latch on to it and fuck with you like I guarantee if you were to tell me the silly things you’ve done when you’ve been drunk - I would say oh don’t be silly that doesn’t make you a bad person at all! And vice verca!
What? Man you were drunk! People say dumb things when they’re drunk all the time. If what you said hurt her really bad, why would she stay with you for another year? She’s just trying to find an excuse to justify why she was breaking up with you. You apologized, that’s what is most important. It’s on her for holding onto that memory. She needs to forget and forgive, not you. I hope everything goes fine with the girl you’re interested now:)
Thanks for your reply man! The thing is so much happened too when we were sober about her attitude towards the relationship she was disrespectful undermining and made me feel like shit a lot of the time. It took the break up for me to realise this. But because when I’ve drank a bit too much and said a few things nothing awful though she’s used this against me in the break up which has made me feel like shit and that I don’t deserve anyone else. And now that I’m moving on I feel like my ocd is trying to hold me back.
18+ I was such a horrible boyfriend. I was friendly and flirty with other girls and I would always justify it by saying that I wasn’t cheating (which I never did). I also got super drunk during a family vacation and I don’t remember anything but I fear i may have kissed someone, even though my family has to me that I didn’t because they were with me 99% of the time. I realize however that it doesn’t take a physical act to hurt your partner. Flirting is just as bad. I don’t know why I was that way. I was always an attention seeking idiot. My guilty conscience led me to develop OCD. Now all I do is obsess over every day of my life trying to figure out if I did anything wrong so I can confess it to my partner. I wonder if I’ll ever be enough for her again. I feel so unworthy of her love. She is hurting so much and I can’t believe I caused her that pain. She tells me to let it go but I feel like she deserves to know who I was. She says she forgives me because I am no longer that person but I can fucking forgive myself. I’ve tried meditating and doing affirmations but it’s been months and I feel like I am tainted forever. I led her to believe that I was someone that I wasn’t. I told her I only had eyes for her but I still found other girls attractive and watched porn behind her back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t eat or sleep or do anything but be in my bed crying. I love her so much and I can’t believe I was such a piece of shit. I want to move forward but I don’t know how to. We’ve been together for over 5 years and I can’t believe I am just now realizing all this. I wonder if it’s too late. I’ve been an atheist for years and I’m even praying out of desperation. I hate myself
Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling lately and been reading up on all the different types of OCD and reading others posts have been comforting to me that I’m not the only one. Here’s what’s been going on lately: My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years consistently. Broke up for 2 years but we’re still on and off but remained single. We are now back together and suddenly I have been obsessing over the things I have done in those 2 years that may have been disrespectful to my boyfriend. My boyfriend forgives me for everything but I can’t stop obsessing over every detail. I am trying/forcing myself to remember every bad thing I’ve done in 2019. And once I think of something I obsess over - why would I do that? What was I thinking back then? We’re those my true feelings 2 years ago? Is that how I feel now? And when I think of something I feel the need to confess to my boyfriend. These thoughts and questions make me have tremendous guilt and feel like I don’t deserve the relationship we have currently. I’m new to all this and have an appointment with a psychologist next week. Any advice until then?
Does anybody have any tips on how to manage deserved guilt and OCD at the same time? I actually carried out some awful actions in my relationship 3 1/2-4 years ago and absolutely deserve to feel guilt and shame. But now my gf says it’s time for me to move on, I’ve punished myself enough, that I deserve to be happy, etc. I disagree and feel like I deserve everything I’m feeling, and will forever. Opinions on the internet have solidified this for me (most people’s opinion about my event online seems to be that I deserve to think about what I did for the rest of my life, that I don’t deserve love, that my gf should leave me, etc.). I’m scared to go against those opinions. Sorry for rambling, I’m just so stuck between trying to move on for my girlfriends sake and rehashing the past every day to try and understand/fix my faults. Any advice would be appreciated.
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