- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
i feel like this spiraled into something big overtime because i don’t want to take advantage of someone and i necee have before and i just really don’t want to be a bad person, i really don’t, but i feel like this ain’t normal and that no one else but someone who takes advantage of people thinks this way. This is making me scared of myself, even though i haven’t done anything, i’m scared that i will.
- Date posted
- 5y
and fucking groinal responses make things 10x fucking worse. like why can’t my body react to things fucking normal. why does everything in life have to be so complicated for me. i can’t even do anything or be with the guy i like because now i’m afraid of who i am, i also would feel terrible to have someone be involved with me and not know who i actually am as a person which is fucking terrible. at this point someone literally just kill me cause we really don’t need another disgusting person out in the world.
- Date posted
- 5y
i miss the day’s when everything was normal
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel you...
- Date posted
- 5y
Completely understand
- Date posted
- 5y
My boyfriend and I have both had intercourse while either or is inebriated and afterwards never thought anything of it. Idk, I don't really care. I've never been drunk to the point where I didn't remember anything and as a sober person I can look back and say that I enjoyed being drunk or tipsy during sex and he says the same. If I were single and there was an opportunity to hook up with someone inebriated I would not, because I don't know them and I could potentially be taking advantage of them.
- Date posted
- 5y
yeah but now i feel stuck on the thought that i want to like give him head when he’s drunk cause i feel like he’d enjoy it more but even just saying that sounds wrong and weird you know. and i feel like i’m trying to justify it in my mind but the more i do the worse it’s making me seem. Like when i think that i don’t mean it in a way that’s doing something to him that he doesn’t want, and i don’t even know if that’s actually something i want to do but my mind has fixated on it to the point where i think it is. And i just feel wrong because why is it a thought of mine of wanting to do something to someone while they’re drunk, and why am i trying to figure out ways in my mind to make it seem okay. Like even though especially now that i’m aware of it being wrong i wouldn’t do it, it doesn’t sit right with me that it’s something that i may want to do or think is okay, and i’ll feel wrong ever doing anything with him because he wouldn’t know that i wanted to do something or i imagined doing something with him that would be considered taking advantage. I’m trying to move past this and not think about it but it just doesn’t sit right with me that i view this as okay.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
- Date posted
- 16w
I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Relationship OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- POCD
- Date posted
- 15w
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond