- Username
- MJocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I get thee type of scares so often. Anything that seems off with my body sends me into panic and I think I’m gonna die. What I usually do is calm myself down, whichever way that might be for you. Think rationally if you can. Would you really internally bleed to death from some blood in your mouth? I know it’s so so hard, the what if’s are so powerful. I understand your fear, I really do. Maybe you can talk to a parent or friend about it? Not to seek reassurance.. but to explain that you’re feeling nervous and would like to get some relief? At the same time, I think if something is strange about your health, so bleeding from the mouth, it is okay to ask for support without it being considered reassurance
I really agree, my approach with reassurance is that worrying and hearing a reassuring response once is fine- anybody without OCD can get a concern and want an answer, especially about your body. I'd even say that seeing a doctor to be sure can be fine so long as it's only in circumstances with genuine ambiguity. It's when it turns into an obsession with what ifs instead of accepting that the fear is highly improbable (after seeing a doctor or reading logic like yours that a little taste of blood is not a good indicator of massive bleeding) that reassurance needs to be avoided.
@Scoggy I agree! When it regards to a health concern, there’s never too much reassurance
Alright thanks guys. So it's like 2:30am here now, I took my mind off it By cleaning. I never saw blood, it was just a metalic taste. I went back to an eating disorder forum and they also reassured me that unless it was brown /dark clots Or just a lot of blood, I shouldn't worry. And it wasnt. I didnt see blood, I just tasted a metalic bloody taste. I'm okay now. I had a bit of pain in my stomach but I think that's just trapped air and a few burps helped it move along lol :/. Thanks guys :( xxxxxx
I’m glad you’re feeling better. If you need any more advice or relief let me know! I also suffer from an eating disorder so I totally understand what you’re going through. I believe in you!
@emmaann Thankyou ❤ I'm not diagnosed but if I could guess, it's probably EDNOS because I have periods of just uncontrollable binge eating (like literally everday) and then I have restriction phases to undo the damage, and sometimes they both interwine and then when I just cant take it/or take life for that matter, I have purging phases. :( idk. Purging I hate the most because it always makes me feel disgusting. As much as I hate my body, I dont want to die from an eating disorder that's for sure.
@MJocd I’m not diagnosed either... my doctor just said I could be developing one. It’s gotten really bad this last month, and I do similar things as you. I mainly think that the food I eat is way to much (even tho it’s really not enough food) and I’ll restrict or purge. It’s so relieving knowing I’m not alone. But I hope you get better!
@emmaann You're not alone ❤ hope it gets better soon for you aswell x
@MJocd I'm EDNOS in basically the same way, I've gone through periods of everything. Lots of stuff in common between you and I, it's really weird. I actually see a lot of similarities now between OCD and EDs than I saw when I first developed my ED. I thought that because I wanted to lose weight and be thin, it meant I was doing it all on purpose for attention or for my goal, like I wouldn't even count as having a "real" one. I couldn't recognise that constant thoughts about your weight and food are intrusive even if you engage with them, that refusing food when you're upset to punish people and other things that harm yourself are a sign of pathology, or that planning out weight loss over and over again and checking other people's bodies and looking up stuff about weight and EDs constantly were compulsions and signs of a real disorder, etc. I got to a point where I was clearly underweight once at a Halloween party (age 14 and tall wearing a shirt aged 10-11) and still envious of everyone I thought was thinner, paranoid that people thought I was fat, I was in the bathroom there, weighed myself, felt spacey, and finally had the thought that if I keep going, I'm going to die. Like an actual concern that regardless of part of me wanting the attention and control and people to notice that the rest of my life wasn't good, I didn't want to do permanent damage in the meantime. I'm actually really glad that it hasn't taken you getting to that point to acknowledge that you don't actually want to die, and that eating disorders can be dangerous. I knew a girl who had to have emergency surgery because she swallowed a toothbrush ???♀️ try to pull back on all of it. I know it feels like something to cling onto to keep something on track which nobody can take away from you. And you should enjoy having that ownership of your own body and choices. But you don't need to use it to punish yourself compulsively. I know some people who want to stay healthy go for orthorexia, some people become vegan etc or have elaborate rules about what they will and won't eat, it's all shades of the same thing. Binge eating can definitely be approached as a compulsion, so is purging, it's like magical thinking OCD of doing thoughts to try to cancel out the fear.
@Scoggy There are a lot of things in common with us aren't they?! How strange. Omg I read about the girl who swallowed her toothbrush on an ED website, that was a crazy story. I've deffo punished Myself through my ED, which probably is linked to OCD. I appreciate the words of advice, sorry you've dealt with all this too. I'm kind of freaked out at all the similarities cant lie lol! But I feel better knowing I'm not alone and not completely crazy haha !
@MJocd Haha was it on whyeat? I met that girl in person in London, she was Dutch I think, shy but absolute nutter (in a sweet way). Yeah it's actually super interesting to find someone out there with such a similar background, it makes me think that if you put any child in a certain environment, you can screw them up in the same ways. I think I'm gonna do more research into OCD type models of EDs, it could potentially help a few of us. Although it's a weird one because as much as an ED sucks, it generally has to get pretty awful and damage your life a lot before you actually want to get rid of it, whereas OCD can just be a living nightmare you'd do anything to get rid of.
Have you peed yet?
Yes I have, I dont know why you ask though x
@MJocd If you gonna panic don’t read the rest.. Well if there was blood in your pee then that means you may be bleeding internally. Idk about the vomit part. It was most likely pizza sauce but just in case wait for a day or two and if you start to feel dizzy or numb book a doctor appointment.
It's very normal to get little cuts in your esophagus or gums from any amount of puking. The only time you need to have any concern about blood coming out of either end is when it's black or v dark red and tarry or thick and grainy. Blood in your pee would indicate kidney or bladder issues, not internal bleeding.
And I mean quite heavy bleeding too, not a few streaks. Even if you got a cut in your esophagus which was as bad as cutting your finger with a knife, which would cause a LOT of bright red fresh blood, people don't bleed to death from either of those things.
So I was eating dinner and drinking soda. After I was done drinking it I pulled the soda cap off (the thing on the soda cans you pull up to open the can) and I realized there was a tiny piece of metal that fell into the can. I went to go a drink another sip but then realized that the tiny piece of tin was still in their. I immediately spit out the drink. But now I’m so scared I accidentally swallowed that tiny piece. I keep replaying what happened in my head to see what happened but I can’t remember and now I’m scared it’s gonna poison me and I’m gonna not wake up tomorrow 😭 I’m just having time dealing with the uncertainty rn
I can’t figure out if I’m really suicidal or just obsessing over the thought of it. Im to scared to even do it. I don't know if this is my OCD or what but for the past week or so it's been really bothering me these thoughts that I am on edge, scared. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I have imagined every single way of doing it, and everything and it makes me SICK. It feels like an urge at this point. I start to feel like maybe I could actually do it, then I feel myself about to go into a panic attack. I already feel derealization where this world doesn't feel real and nobody seems real to me, and my family feels like strangers and I'm just really scared. I feel very scared. I don't physically feel like I'm "here." I feel like my mind is lost. I feel like I just want to be at peace and then I think I’m seriously suicidal and the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Im sick to my stomach and terrified.
I think I have somatic ocd I'm not sure but it's 1:27 and I can't go to a doctor or make an appointment. I'm getting scared of choking. I forgot a week ago how to swallow and lost the instinct. I barely eat in the day, but I try to eat normal food as an exposure. I know I won't choke but my body doesn't. I had a panick attack after eating like 7 spoons of rice and meat. It was all good until I started feeling again my throat very thick and like if there's a grain of rice. It really annoys me and my breathing is accelerated, I started feeling derealization. I need someone to calm me down. I won't go to work tomorrow, I'm so sleepy but feel like I won't breathe because of my panick attack. I'm alone right now
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