- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thanks to both of you guys, it's nice to know I'm not alone
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Also remember that with what you fear the most in OCD, is the exact opposite of what you actually want
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you I to forget things like that when I'm so obsessed
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Hi lovely. My hocd began when I was 14 too. I had experiences very similar to yours. 14 is an age where you’re still asking questions about sexuality as you’re still going through puberty - which is completely normal. What isn’t normal is obsessing over everything you do in an effort to determine if you’re gay or not. This is behaviour that will actually make the thoughts even stronger rather than make them reduce. I’d really recommend visiting your GP and telling them how you feel and requesting to see a psychiatrist and begin ERP and CBT therapy. These work best for OCD currently. I really feel for you - at 14 I had no idea what was happening and I never told anyone for 4 and a half miserable years. Don’t be like me - speak up and get help ❤️ you are amazing and deserve a life full of freedom and joy . It can get much better than this ?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
The EXACT same things happen to me. Like from line to line it feels like I wrote this. I would suggest talking to a therapist about it, it helps a lot. And if you have HOCD sadly OCD probably controls more parts of your life as well. I told my therapist about this gut wrenching worry that I was gay and didn’t know it that made me feel sick to my stomach and cry, and she told me it was classic OCD. And after that, I found out that she had been suspecting that I had OCD for a long time and started working on it. She/he will ask you questions. For instance, she/he may ask ‘how long do you spend worrying about this topic a day?” And “do you do something to try and relieve the thoughts?” For you and I, relieving the thoughts is searching HOCD or denial. I have searched that so many times and still I sometimes give in and do it. It turns out OCD does not only control my sexuality, but my dance, friendships, school (I’m 16 btw), and I even had some other OCD I didn’t even know existed. Just talk to a therapist who specializes in OCD about this, because before I started talking about it I thought I was the only one. Now I know that HOCD is actually one of the most common OCD’s out there. So talking to an OCD specialist really helps with any aspect of OCD. Just know you are not alone and these thoughts are not true.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I was actually was just grounded from instagram ? I'm not sure when I get it back but I'll let you know when I do
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Finally someone I can relate to! I'm so happy that I'm not alone ?I'll take your advice and tell someone, it's going to be hard but I'll do it
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I also started obsessing about tocd along the way but it's definitely not as strong as my hocd/bi ocd
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Don’t avoid the chicks though you’ll just make it worse. My Hocd started because I had a Gay dream and it scared the shit out of me and I started to google stuff of what does it mean to have a Gay dream does this make me gay now I was terrified and I thought it was because I watched Twilight 2 I think on my phone and I deleted it because I thought it made me have the Gay dream even though I was fine watching it and I watched twilight because I thought it was pretty cool and was manly enough that Gay shit never bothered me before until I had a Gay dream smh. I would’ve been fine but because I didn’t know that I had OCD at all I started to intake massive amounts of caffeine because I’m a really fit dude and liked the way pre workouts gave me that extra burst to workout really hard and I got into a habit of having coffee in the morning because I dated a chick who did and I still liked even after we weren’t together so I started to think I needed to get used to some of the stuff she liked because I still wanted to be with her. After that because of the extra caffeine I had gay thoughts for a dude who I gave a tour too and after it was over I was like what the fuck was that why was I feeling that way and my thought was wtf I’m gay now and I remember getting depressed because I felt bad that I let myself become gay smh. When I was younger I used to think people can become gay and didn’t know you have to be born gay smh had I known that from the start I would’ve been fine but I didn’t and ever since that one time I’ve had HOCD ever since and have made it even worse after doing the self help because I was diagnosing myself and didn’t know that I had OCD as well as other types of anxiety that has caused me to have really bad OCD smh that’s my story of it thought I would go on about how it became even more worse but I’ve already wrote to long but that’s the gist of my HOCD starting.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
And I know how scary and distressing these thoughts are. I am part of an Instagram support group chat that has really helped me through my ocd. It mainly focuses around HOCD, this topic. And if you give me your Instagram I would love to get you added. The chat really does help and it’s nice to know other girls your age are struggling with this and getting through it.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
What’s bi ocd?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
The fear of becoming bisexual, which means you attracted to men and women
- Date posted
- 6y ago
This is exactly me, exactly. Another person here said that their HOCD started with a gay dream. Mine too, but it was awful I didn’t enjoy it at all I was mostly disgusted. So I was super into if I was gay or not. But I dropped it the first day. Then whenever i saw a friend it reminded me of it so I was like “what if I like her” “what if I like her and I don’t know” it was awfullll. Then I dropped it again. And around 2 weeks later the thought just came out of nowhere again. I’ve never had crushes in girls before, only guys. I don’t think I have crushes on girls or attracted to them, but this still scares me. And then I was like “ what if you are lying to yourself that you are straight” when I have don’t have anything to base that thought on except for thinking “oh she’s super pretty” and that’s it. I was super insecure, I had a small body dismorphia, so I started comparing myself to other girls and that’s how I’ve started noticing girls that are pretty. It’s all super confusing and though I am glad that if I wasn’t straight a wouldn’t have this it is still all very frustrating
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond