Hi everyone! I’m not sure who saw my post a couple days ago about rocd attacking my boyfriends friends lol.. they’re not unattractive and I had some horrible thoughts (I call them horrible even though they’re “normal”).. I’ve had the fear or cheating, flirting, etc even though I know I would never. Sometimes I worry myself because I like impressing them but I only do that because they’re his friends so I want them to like me lol! Anyways, ever since then they’ve been still hanging out with my friends and I’ve been tagging along because I feel like hanging out with them is a good exposure but then my mind also picks at the idea that me hanging out with them is wrong since my boyfriend isn’t there with us.. he’s in the army and he’s helping at the elderly homes but he knows when we hangout and he seems fine with it.. anyways I just need someone’s opinion on this, thanks!

Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.

I adore my partner. There’s this other guy my ocd has been triggered by from the start. He hangs out with my friends, we used to hangout before my partner. I feel like I’m so wrong for still hanging around him in social settings. Its just fun sometimes. I have fleeting feelings and there’s kind of a flirtatious vibe? I’m scared I’ve flirted. I’m scared of the “feelings” I get even though I know feelings can have zero significance when I love my partner so much. I overanalyze everything. The guilt is overwhelming. I want to be with my partner not this other guy. I feel like a terrible partner. I know this could all be OCD why does it feel so hard. I think my brain has so much worked up over this other person no wonder I feel so much guilt. My OCD makes everything into a big deal.

So like I continue to have the thought of.. is it messed up that I allow myself to be around/friends with this guy (for various reasons). Should I tell myself maybe maybe not? Or do I need to get my partner involved? The issue is this other guy is a huge ocd trigger for me and I don’t want to bring any confessing into this