- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m sorry you’re going through this! I have some of the same obsessions it sucks :(. But all of the searching and checking social media will never satisfy your ocd, it’s just a compulsion. I used to search this same way and it just led to big fights with my boyfriend and took me further away from my value of being a strong , self-loving woman! I think it is important to share what you want in the relationship but it seems like you’ve told him a lot and he keeps reassuring you - this ‘fix’ won’t last long as I’m sure you’ve realized. Write out and do an ERP that maybe he is seeing someone else and what you’re afraid that means about you. If he’s seeing someone else after telling you he wasn’t, that’s on him. I know this is painful but If you do the exposure work as well as practice self kindness, it will get better. Thinking of you, you are strong and not alone ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
Good luck and I hope you the best
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes it is!! Sometimes I say it’s like having a full-time job just inside my mind. But ERP is one of the most helpful things I’ve done & still do. And you’re definitely not alone in having these thoughts :)
- Date posted
- 6y
I know how it feels to have trust issues but I think an important part of a relationship is honesty. Talk to him and be open about how you feel. If he truely likes you I’m sure he’ll understand. I’m sure you guys can get through this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks for your reply! I have talked to him about it many times and he has told me numerous times he isn’t seeing anyone else. My issue is that even though we have these conversations I have these obsessive thoughts that he’s lying to me and check all his social media looking for something.
- Date posted
- 6y
I get that this can be something very hard to go through and I completely understand that. Maybe try going to see a therapist or just a close friend you trust. I’m not an expert and completely understand how it feels to have trust issues. I’m sure you like this guy and want to be with him but you’re minds telling you that somethings up. Every time one of these thoughts pop up try doing some calming activities like meditating. This can often help suppress the thoughts. Hope this helped xx
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you I’ll try it!
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you! I appreciate the response, and it is reassuring to know I’m not the only one who has these thoughts. It’s mentally exhausting. I will definitely try the ERP
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I know he’s not cheating on me. He’d never do that and, as hard as I try to tell myself “he’s proven already that he’s not” and show myself all the signs of commitment and dedication, I still have that fear. It’s eating at me and ruining my relationship. How do you guys get over this? If my brain were true he’d have been cheating on me for months in ways that aren’t even possible. It doesn’t make sense if I think about it logically but it seems like when I do, I create in my head more ways for it to be logically true. What is your advice? How can I stop self sabotaging?
- Date posted
- 24w
Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings that I might be sabotaging myself in my relationship. By sabotage, I mean that I find it hard to stop engaging in compulsions, like seeking reassurance or overanalyzing my thoughts. I also sometimes behave badly with my boyfriend, and the intrusive thoughts I have can completely change my mood. I love my boyfriend—he’s such a good, beautiful, and wonderful person—but I’m afraid these thoughts are going to ruin things. I truly want to love him, but I’m scared. I know the thoughts are anxiety-driven, but they still make me question if I’m forcing myself to stay with him. Today, for example, I felt okay earlier, but when he called me on video, I suddenly felt like I didn’t feel anything, and I started thinking I don’t like how he looks. These thoughts hit me like a wave, and I panicked. Usually, I find him very attractive, but when these thoughts come, I feel sad and disconnected. What’s confusing is that I also have many moments—like today and in the past few days—where I’ve felt really good and I’ve felt love for him. I feel awful writing this because my boyfriend doesn’t deserve this, and I feel like I’m posting out of habit. It makes me scared that I don’t want to accept the truth, even though I know I care about him. I hate feeling this way because it feels like I’m betraying him by having these thoughts and posting them. Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of sabotaging their relationship or feeling like they’re forcing themselves to stay? How do you cope when the thoughts feel like they’re true, and how do you work through the fear of letting go of anxiety
- Date posted
- 21w
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
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