Question about reassurance: One of my goals is to move back into the master bedroom with my husband. I've had a timeline for this that just continually gets pushed back due to my responsibility and contamination fears and exposures I've had to go through (I go to the hospital a lot due to another health condition I have). And I'm too scared I've picked up covid at the hospital and will give it to him. I know reassurance is bad for ocd, but I think I need encouragement and reassurance here to get into the master bedroom. I really do feel like I need him to say, "Cat, it's okay, we're safe. You're safe, you're not sick, we are going to be okay, move into the bedroom". I feel like I need him to push me or I will never do it. It's been months of me saying I want to move back in by this date. Tomorrow is our 8yr anniversary and I had really really REALLY planned on being back in. But due to an exposure I had yesterday I really cant. The thing is there will always be exposures. Theres always going to he something ocd makes me fear. I really need someone pushing me. I dont have an ocd therapist. Just a regular psychotherapist so shes not super helpful in this area. Can i get your thoughts on encouragement in this scenario?

Oh he has said he wants me back in the room numerous times but he tries not to reassure me. But I think.its the push I need.

I think I need to feel less responsible if I wind up getting sick. I want to be sure he wants this and I'm not forcing it on him. We are actually holding hands on the couch right now which is a great step but I really would love to sleep in the master. I keep thinking about just lying in our bed together and how relaxing and co.fortig it would feel. But I am really struggling with contaminating him if I picked up covid and feeling responsible

@catattak If he reassured you everything will be ok, to you it would feel like he was taking responsibility for whether or not he lets himself be in a position where he might get sick. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems you might be mixing two different things? You wrote basically “his reassurance that everything will be ok” = “him taking responsibility for his health.” I don’t think those are the same, are they? So, I don’t want to suggest a compulsion to you, but I don’t think I am, when I say: maybe it’s ok to ask him, “My sleeping in the same bed with you might increase your chance of catching COVID. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?” I might be missing something, but that doesn’t sound like reassurance seeking UNLESS you’ve already asked him this before and need to hear it again for that quick relief. Man. I hope what I wrote was helpful! If it wasn’t, tell me. Let me know what I’m missing. Thanks! I can see why “not living in the room” to “living in the room” seems like terrifying leap. Could you start small? With a nap? Or just lie in bed together for half an hour before you go to the room you’ve been staying in?

@Alyosha Thank you! I understand what you're saying and do confuse it myself sometimes too. I think as the woman of the house I feel responsible for every single thing. And I need to let go. I need to trust that he can be responsible for his own health and make decisions for it. I suppose my making the decision for both is us that it was most appropriate for me to sleep else where was my way of controlling and getting some certainty. You are right, it's likely not reassurance to have him say "I want this, consent to it and waive you of all liability to me" in fewer words lol. We made some plans and I am loosely moving back in tonight. I can leave at any time whether I am sick or healthy. He said he'll sleep on the couch if I contaminate two rooms, he doesnt care, whatever will help me move in. So I'm thankful for that. The plan is a slow reintroduction or slow move in. I'll sleep there tonight play it by ear each day!

@catattak Oh wow!!! That’s wonderful! It’s a great first step.

@Alyosha Thank you so much for your support!

I dont think I understand because I dont think I have a compulsion here. Showering if hand washing wont help me because I am scared of getting him sick if I picked up covid

Ruminate and make plans for how we will get by if we ith get sick. I worry about us both being hospitalized and we cant feed or take care of our cats and they die. Or I fear being too sick to call the hospital and one of us dies in the house. So I try to plan and I ruminate on it

I keep trying to just tell myself that but I'm too scared I wont be able to think straight and make good decisions if I get sick

@catattak You know what I haven't said? How awesome it is that you were holding hands on the couch tonight :) Your relationship is worth fighting through the OCD fog and fear. I encourage you to find a small, attainable victory for tomorrow night. More holding hands on the couch? Something that requires work on your part, and yet is low on your hierarchy.

@WhatATripp Thank you so much! My hubby and I were talking a lot and I know that maybe planning is my compulsion but we did make some plans for my moving back in. He has assured me he is supportive of my.moving back in and wants us to 'take the risk' of us sleeping in the same room (he doesnt see it as a risk) and will not blame me if I get sick. I needed that i think. We also made a plan for if i do get sick, what will happen if he is healthy and what will happen if we both get sick. We decided that I can leave the master bedroom anytime so I dont get overwhelmed. We are treating this as working towards a full time move in but not making it full time yet as a way to ease into it. I'm not sure if letting me move out if I get too scared is bad for ocd, or a way to slowly expose me to the fear, but it's a plan for now.

@catattak I'm so not a therapist, but I like your plan, and love that you worked on it together. Leaving without trying to sit with the anxiety might reinforce that as a way to appease the OCD fear, maybe? Perhaps agree to sit with it for 'x' amount of time and reassess the felt need to leave?

@WhatATripp That is such a good idea! I will add that!

Thank you so much! You're such a wonderful support!