← Explore more posts

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

I hate my hypochondria. I really fucking do. How am I supposed to tell the difference between my brain saying I’m going to die vs actually dying. It’s terrible. I feel so ashamed of myself because everyone thinks I’m an idiot for overreacting over such small things but I can’t help it. And now I’m obsessed with this lump on my vulva and I want to tell my mom about it so I can see an obgyn or something but it’s so hard because I feel embarrassed and I want to cry. I want to sob. This is all so humiliating, having my fucking brain focus on such things and it’s ironic how I always want to ask for reassurance about these things and show people but since it’s someone private I can’t do that!! Nope!! This is terrible! In my mind I have vulvar cancer and have up to 5 years, maybe more, to live— depending on how fast I get it checked out and what stage it’s at (according to google). I keep replaying my death over and over in my mind and it won’t stop I just need it to stop and the only way to do that is to tell my mom and get it checked out but that’s so awkward and embarrassing I feel so stuck even though I’m 18 I feel like an absolute child.

Fathomable

Date posted: 4y

At 18 you can make your own doctor's appt, you know. Best to quit googling and ruminating, though. Being that you feel weird about asking family for reassurance about this one, maybe you could use it as a good opportunity for response prevention? Discovering that even if you don't panic and see a Dr, you don't actually drop dead, and the cyst/ingrown hair goes away, can be a powerful experience.

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

I’ve always relied on my mother as moral support for when I’m too scared to make appointments or go in myself. I get too nervous by myself. I’ll try and do response prevention, and it seems to be working a bit but I’m still convinced I’m going to die.

catattak

Date posted: 4y

Ugh I'm so sorry. For me, everything is covid 19 so I understand your fear and brain constantly jumping to worst case scenarios. My husband likes to tell me to focus on what's probable and sometimes that helps calm me down. For you, I would say ingrown hairs are much much more probable. I think you should wait this one out. Give it a week or two. I remember having what I thought was a cyst down there was just a really deep ingrown hair that came to the surface after a couple of weeks. Sorry for the tmi but I've just been in this scenario and am trying to explain that it wasn't a day or so to resolve. These things take time. I remember also being a teen finding a lump in my breast. I freaked out, told my mom and she said wait a cycle because your memory gland tissue can change in a cycle. Sure enough it did. Our bodies process lots of things and do weird stuff. Give your body a chance to process.

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

It’s been almost two weeks already, so I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t think it’s an ingrown hair though since it’s so under the surface— could be a cyst but it’s the size of about a penny, maybe a bit smaller. My mind has already jumped to cancer though as usual. I’ll try to wait it out maybe a month, I suppose?

catattak

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Wait longer. Seriously I've had bad deep ones before. Sorry again for tmi but yes these things take time. I really thought the suggestion if making a plan for yourself was great. I have great fears of covid and I have plans for myself around getting tested. My brain really makes me truly think I'm sick all the time even though me and my partner work from home and dont go anywhere. I tell myself to give myself x amount of time and monitor symptoms. If they get worse I got for a test. More often than not they get better. That it I go for a test. It's good to start building trust with your body. Knowing yourself and learning what's a real emergency and what's not

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

@catattak Idk it just seems in a weird place and idk if that’s what it really is or not which makes me nervous. I’ve been there with COVID, too, and still am a bit, but I got tested negative. We can both make it through this, I believe. I just hope there’s nothing seriously wrong with me and I react too late 🙁 should I bring up where it is specifically, or would that be too tmi for a therapist?

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

I also say wait it out as well. I have the same problem right now and convinced I have some serious thing with my ovaries. You can create a plan, like say - okay I’ll wait X days or X weeks before I call a doctor. And you can even run the plan by your parent or someone you trust to double check that it sounds reasonable and also so you don’t give in to constantly calling the doctor for appointments/reassurance (you’ll find that giving in to making constant appointments etc provides relief in the short term but not the long term. Soon, an appointment won’t be enough because you’ll just keep thinking oh the doctor missed this, or maybe I should get an ultrasound or a second opinion. Basically, it jus breeds more compulsions or calling the doctor, if not for your vulva, for other minor health sensations/issues). It also helps to let your doctor know about your hypochondria if she doesn’t already. While you wait, it’ll be a good exposure practice to say to yourself “I accept the uncertainty of this situation” when the anxiety arises. Maybe the anxiety will go up for a little or a lot but with repetition it should eventually go down. Then you’ll grow stronger over time with these fears, and overall hopefully be able to more reasonably assess your health/when to seek medical attention. I say all this because I’m going through this same exact process rn and forcing myself pushing through to follow these protocols even if it’s painful at first. I know the long term result will be worth it. My therapist said something recently to me like you’re having these OCD worries probably because you’re afraid of not living, which means you REALLY want to LIVE. But then ironically, what’s the point of living if you’re constantly suffering and not able to enjoy it bc of hypochondria/other anxieties? Hope this is helpful but we got this❤️ I believe in us

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

I talked with my therapist about it and she told me the same thing— that it’ll lead to one thing after the other and that I need to sit with the uncertainty right now. I didn’t tell her where the lump was out of embarrassment and am not sure if I should mention it to her... but I’m glad you can understand what I’m going through. It’s so difficult to deal with and I hate it. Thank you for the help ❤️

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Of course! And great! I’m glad you brought it up with your therapist. And better believe I’m experiencing the same worry with my own symptoms but diff areas/disease concerns lol but we are doing great so far starting to change our patterns and getting help :)❤️

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

@CocoCurl Yes, it’s nice to get help. I’m just nervous cause it seems like my therapist doesn’t take it as a real health concern when it could be.

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Yea I understand that, I feel that way about literally anyone who I tell about my health issues often - from my sister to my mom to my therapist . Even the doctor at points. But our therapists/loved ones care about our health. But they want us to monitor it in a healthy way, not an obsessive way. And so it may seem like they aren’t taking it seriously bc the way we are currently monitoring our health is v diff (obsessive) from how a typical person would. So to us it may feel crazy or like they’re ignoring serious symptoms. But really we’re kinda drawing premature conclusions about our symptoms and we’re constantly looking for 100% certainty at all times about what our symptoms are, which isn’t possible. And so I’ve been learning that at the heart of it is having to learn how to tolerate some reasonable degree of uncertainty. And that’s what the therapy helps us with! also you can always create a plan with your therapist about when/if you should seek medical attention (like maybe after however many days, weeks, OR if symptoms get worse etc)

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

@CocoCurl Thank you, that make sense. I alwyays just assume they don’t care about me, which doesn’t help much. My brain says it’s urgent and I need to get checked out right away, and I guess when others don’t have the same response it make it seem like they’re the ones being unreasonable. But I see what you mean, and it makes a lot of sense. I think I’ll discuss a health plan with my therapist and see what she says. Thank you so much ❤️ I hope I can overcome this and stay healthy in the process!

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Yes yes I so understand, we have really similar journeys based on what you’ve told me! But that’s a great plan and we got this :)❤️

Related posts

Ellie.

Date posted: 23w

I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Relationship OCD

carol.xxx

Date posted: 16w

Suffering Health andiety

I am really suffering with health anxiety at the minute I am absolutely PETRIFIED of cancer and Im only 17 its draining the life out of me Ive had a cough / cold for two weeks now and ive felt itchy - Has anyone else ever just felt really itchy Im terrified in case I have cancer Im really really petrified I get so scared of death im really frightened SO frightened Im so so scared of the C. Uts scary

flowerpetals

Date posted: 14w

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

Harm OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond