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worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

I hate my hypochondria. I really fucking do. How am I supposed to tell the difference between my brain saying I’m going to die vs actually dying. It’s terrible. I feel so ashamed of myself because everyone thinks I’m an idiot for overreacting over such small things but I can’t help it. And now I’m obsessed with this lump on my vulva and I want to tell my mom about it so I can see an obgyn or something but it’s so hard because I feel embarrassed and I want to cry. I want to sob. This is all so humiliating, having my fucking brain focus on such things and it’s ironic how I always want to ask for reassurance about these things and show people but since it’s someone private I can’t do that!! Nope!! This is terrible! In my mind I have vulvar cancer and have up to 5 years, maybe more, to live— depending on how fast I get it checked out and what stage it’s at (according to google). I keep replaying my death over and over in my mind and it won’t stop I just need it to stop and the only way to do that is to tell my mom and get it checked out but that’s so awkward and embarrassing I feel so stuck even though I’m 18 I feel like an absolute child.

Fathomable

Date posted: 4y

At 18 you can make your own doctor's appt, you know. Best to quit googling and ruminating, though. Being that you feel weird about asking family for reassurance about this one, maybe you could use it as a good opportunity for response prevention? Discovering that even if you don't panic and see a Dr, you don't actually drop dead, and the cyst/ingrown hair goes away, can be a powerful experience.

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

I’ve always relied on my mother as moral support for when I’m too scared to make appointments or go in myself. I get too nervous by myself. I’ll try and do response prevention, and it seems to be working a bit but I’m still convinced I’m going to die.

catattak

Date posted: 4y

Ugh I'm so sorry. For me, everything is covid 19 so I understand your fear and brain constantly jumping to worst case scenarios. My husband likes to tell me to focus on what's probable and sometimes that helps calm me down. For you, I would say ingrown hairs are much much more probable. I think you should wait this one out. Give it a week or two. I remember having what I thought was a cyst down there was just a really deep ingrown hair that came to the surface after a couple of weeks. Sorry for the tmi but I've just been in this scenario and am trying to explain that it wasn't a day or so to resolve. These things take time. I remember also being a teen finding a lump in my breast. I freaked out, told my mom and she said wait a cycle because your memory gland tissue can change in a cycle. Sure enough it did. Our bodies process lots of things and do weird stuff. Give your body a chance to process.

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

It’s been almost two weeks already, so I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t think it’s an ingrown hair though since it’s so under the surface— could be a cyst but it’s the size of about a penny, maybe a bit smaller. My mind has already jumped to cancer though as usual. I’ll try to wait it out maybe a month, I suppose?

catattak

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Wait longer. Seriously I've had bad deep ones before. Sorry again for tmi but yes these things take time. I really thought the suggestion if making a plan for yourself was great. I have great fears of covid and I have plans for myself around getting tested. My brain really makes me truly think I'm sick all the time even though me and my partner work from home and dont go anywhere. I tell myself to give myself x amount of time and monitor symptoms. If they get worse I got for a test. More often than not they get better. That it I go for a test. It's good to start building trust with your body. Knowing yourself and learning what's a real emergency and what's not

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

@catattak Idk it just seems in a weird place and idk if that’s what it really is or not which makes me nervous. I’ve been there with COVID, too, and still am a bit, but I got tested negative. We can both make it through this, I believe. I just hope there’s nothing seriously wrong with me and I react too late 🙁 should I bring up where it is specifically, or would that be too tmi for a therapist?

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

I also say wait it out as well. I have the same problem right now and convinced I have some serious thing with my ovaries. You can create a plan, like say - okay I’ll wait X days or X weeks before I call a doctor. And you can even run the plan by your parent or someone you trust to double check that it sounds reasonable and also so you don’t give in to constantly calling the doctor for appointments/reassurance (you’ll find that giving in to making constant appointments etc provides relief in the short term but not the long term. Soon, an appointment won’t be enough because you’ll just keep thinking oh the doctor missed this, or maybe I should get an ultrasound or a second opinion. Basically, it jus breeds more compulsions or calling the doctor, if not for your vulva, for other minor health sensations/issues). It also helps to let your doctor know about your hypochondria if she doesn’t already. While you wait, it’ll be a good exposure practice to say to yourself “I accept the uncertainty of this situation” when the anxiety arises. Maybe the anxiety will go up for a little or a lot but with repetition it should eventually go down. Then you’ll grow stronger over time with these fears, and overall hopefully be able to more reasonably assess your health/when to seek medical attention. I say all this because I’m going through this same exact process rn and forcing myself pushing through to follow these protocols even if it’s painful at first. I know the long term result will be worth it. My therapist said something recently to me like you’re having these OCD worries probably because you’re afraid of not living, which means you REALLY want to LIVE. But then ironically, what’s the point of living if you’re constantly suffering and not able to enjoy it bc of hypochondria/other anxieties? Hope this is helpful but we got this❤️ I believe in us

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

I talked with my therapist about it and she told me the same thing— that it’ll lead to one thing after the other and that I need to sit with the uncertainty right now. I didn’t tell her where the lump was out of embarrassment and am not sure if I should mention it to her... but I’m glad you can understand what I’m going through. It’s so difficult to deal with and I hate it. Thank you for the help ❤️

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Of course! And great! I’m glad you brought it up with your therapist. And better believe I’m experiencing the same worry with my own symptoms but diff areas/disease concerns lol but we are doing great so far starting to change our patterns and getting help :)❤️

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

@CocoCurl Yes, it’s nice to get help. I’m just nervous cause it seems like my therapist doesn’t take it as a real health concern when it could be.

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Yea I understand that, I feel that way about literally anyone who I tell about my health issues often - from my sister to my mom to my therapist . Even the doctor at points. But our therapists/loved ones care about our health. But they want us to monitor it in a healthy way, not an obsessive way. And so it may seem like they aren’t taking it seriously bc the way we are currently monitoring our health is v diff (obsessive) from how a typical person would. So to us it may feel crazy or like they’re ignoring serious symptoms. But really we’re kinda drawing premature conclusions about our symptoms and we’re constantly looking for 100% certainty at all times about what our symptoms are, which isn’t possible. And so I’ve been learning that at the heart of it is having to learn how to tolerate some reasonable degree of uncertainty. And that’s what the therapy helps us with! also you can always create a plan with your therapist about when/if you should seek medical attention (like maybe after however many days, weeks, OR if symptoms get worse etc)

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

@CocoCurl Thank you, that make sense. I alwyays just assume they don’t care about me, which doesn’t help much. My brain says it’s urgent and I need to get checked out right away, and I guess when others don’t have the same response it make it seem like they’re the ones being unreasonable. But I see what you mean, and it makes a lot of sense. I think I’ll discuss a health plan with my therapist and see what she says. Thank you so much ❤️ I hope I can overcome this and stay healthy in the process!

CocoCurl

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen Yes yes I so understand, we have really similar journeys based on what you’ve told me! But that’s a great plan and we got this :)❤️

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savannahframe19

Date posted: 25w

my OCD was doing better bro :(

tell me why… idk if this is just me but i’m so scared i have ovarian cancer, kidney stone, kidney failure, UTI, hernia, or something wrong that’s making my lower stomach to my inner thigh and pelvic area. i have an uncomfortable feeling. it was hurting more last night then it is today… everytime i pee it doesn’t hurt but i somewhat still get the uncomfortable feeling down there and feeling in stomach. i’ve been googling and idk what to do because i’m scared of the doctors and i haven’t had a physical like in 2 years and i’m like scared if i go to a physicial i will have something wrong with me like i have cancer or something that i don’t know about. something tells me the pain tho in general is something gastrointestinal related but idk if could mean i have pain down “there”…. i took a tylenol last night it helped a little but then it still kinda occurred and i took a tum and it’s still the same i think it’s still occurring since i’m so hyper focused about it. idk i’m just like ugh my OCD was doing so well i just can’t tell what it is or if something is wrong i’m just scared :( i hate when having certain pains i freak out.

karli.2204

Date posted: 24w

Things i struggle with as a hypochondriac with OCD

- can’t go to sleep without lipgloss on (my body will not let me physically gts until my lips are moisturized ) - can’t drink coke or eat too much junk food without my head telling me im going to get liver failure or stomach cancer from the unhealthy food - feeling like i’m going to have a heart attack (this one i developed from a physical form because they asked me if i had heart problems and i remembered my grandma died from a heart attack) - my head will eat with alive if i don’t scrub my skin hard enough when u shower because i cannot have dead skin - feeling forced to drink water (i quite literally feel like i’m dying off the slightest feeling of thirst) - diagnosing every single body sensation ( im convinced i have over 30+ diagnoses) - having a bad grade ( it hurts my chest literally) - being mean (i swear the energy comes back to me and haunts me for life) - finding a solution to literally everything (it hurts not to know the real) - fear of smoking (this is probably the stupidest thing ever but i’m afraid of catching an obsession from smoking then dying from it..) - having kids (just what if my body isn’t good enough and i end up risking me n the child’s life ? yk ?) - caramel frappes (i feel like the shittest person ever after drinking one and i feel like IM no longer healthy) - GREASE ( i cannot feel grease in any way while im eating because i will no longer eat the food) - any discomfort in my shoe (i will take it off from the tightness and walk barefoot if i have to) - bra (so since im convinced that there’s something wrong with me , wearing a bra that feels just a tiny bit tight, makes me forget how to breath and suddenly im dying) - my bed/room (my bed must be made and my room must be clean otherwise i cannot focus) - praying (although i don’t pray every night i feel like god thinks i’m a bad person or not worshiping him enough whenever i don’t pray or remember i didn’t) - the bible (i got trauma from it and i feel bad that i got trauma for it so im scared to read it but im scared more of the trauma it caused me) - the doctors (i don’t want any test done to me cus im afraid of something bad but i need reassurance for the sake of my sanity) - the united states of fcking america (i seriously hate living in this country because everything is a lie so i don’t feel safe here) - the food in the united states of fcking america (well mostly everything is processed and even healthy food are being pre waxed so they look “good” and it scares me so i think everything is not healthy) - tik tok (bro i cant with the diagnosis videos anymore) - what ever i do to one thing that has another thing must be done to the other thing or i cant live with myself - my nails ( im not mentally okay if my toe nails are long ..) - everyone except my bf/not bf yet (as a pre psychology student, i study and analyze everyone so i can see everyone’s red flag) - the kids at my school (the drama that has no end but no reason is my 13th reason…) - smells ( you don’t know how fast i can light a candle until you know me) - medication (it gives me more anxiety than my actual anxiety)

tomhyland

Date posted: 23w

disease obsessions

hello. i have been going through health scare obsessions for at least 5 years now and it terrifies me. i mainly fear of cancer. i have no reason to fear of cancer because it is not a predominant condition in my family. i have been to check ups for skin cancer and been told it was nothing which relieves me for a short period of time but then i start thinking of other cancer possibilities :( it doesn’t help that im a smoker to deal with the stress of adhd and ocd which just fuels the obsession of lung cancer. i know it would help my fear to stop smoking but thats easier said than done. i have only been a smoker for 3 years and its the only thing that helps right now. on top of this, my brain makes me believe that every intrusive thought i have WILL MANIFEST into existence just from thinking about it! this has scared me so much in the last 5 years and once i told my mum about it and she said "if you ever got cancer we would deal with it, its okay" but that didnt help it just made it worse and the possibility become more scarier! please help me.

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