- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
(i’m not a liscened expert) ERP: Let the intrusive thought of arousal come through and go - that intrusive thought of being uncertain whether you were aroused is just that - an unimportant thought. it’s important to let it just be in your head without doing the thing it wants you to do to make sure, not engaging whatsoever. allowing the uncertainty to remain and not making sure of whatever it is, is what strips the thought of its significance and power over you, this is all linked to ERP. This link helped me in my research to understand the concept of ERP : https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-exactly-is-exposure-and-response-prevention-erp/
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for sharing this
- Date posted
- 4y
I was buttoning my daughters onesie in the crotch and I had that same weird, intrusive thought urge. I breathed through it and finished. I have been reading more about ERP and how you’re supposed to do the things you would normally do regardless of your thoughts. So, after that, I was laying her down for bed and she was hyperactive and standing up in her crib and wouldn’t take her bottle. I kept laying her down and giving her a bottle but by the time I would lay her down and grab her bottle she would already be back up. I needed to have her lay down and immediately give her a bottle. So with my left arm and hand, I cradled her and kind of scooped her up with my hand between her legs so I could immediately hand her the bottle with my right hand. I remember having a thought like “you should do that, because it will get the urge out of your system” I didn’t wanna argue with myself or my ocd thoughts. And I didn’t want to avoid handling her in that way because of my ocd. That would be an avoidance compulsion. So to avoid arguing or analyzing or overthinking it too much I just did it. I maneuvered her with my hand between her legs. She was fully clothed and diapered. I paused right before and asked my self are you doing this in a malicious way and I argued back, “this isn’t even a sexual maneuver”, And again to avoid overthinking it or arguing in my mind or over analyzing it, I just did it in full confidence. But now I am obsessing over the moment. I keep ruminating over and over again. Did I have bad intent?its driving me absolutely CRAZY. I feel like I acted out on some heinous sexual desire. I see people handle their babies like that all of the time and I’ve always avoided it because of my ocd. And now I tried to do erp and stand up to my ocd and it completely backfired. I’m constantly in my head like what was the driving motive behind that maneuver? Was it bad? I have been obsessing over this for a month now. My daughter is my life I would never hurt her. She is my reason for living. And I love her more than anything, I would never intentionally harm her. Thank you for sharing your story, I feel a little less alone...
- Date posted
- 4y
I have this all time as well. When I’m picking up my daughter and realize my hands are like near her upper body area and than I get anxiety because I don’t move it even though it wasn’t like intentional or I would ever. I find my self staring like my mind just move too in quick moments and than I’m like what the heck was that. But I try to keep moving. And recently I was going to like stand next to my wife as a baby was being changed and I was like I’m going to go over there( one point because erp and two because my wife and I are in the rough). And instantly I got anxiety, the baby was changed (like who cares) and I instantly felt like I was going over there just to see the baby get changed in a weird way. Just keep moving towards your values!
- Date posted
- 4y
Weren’t we speaking on another thread last week? I can’t seem to find it. But we’re you saying there was a time where you were worried you may have hurt your son?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Freemeofocd Yeah, good times lol. It honestly was like a feeling like I did something and than my brain was saying I hurt my son. But I didn’t know how. So I literally made lists of what I did two days before, retraced my steps. Everything. That’s when I was like, something isn’t right.
- Date posted
- 4y
@JohnS Do you ever purposely touch somewhere to tell prove your thoughts wrong Like I know I've been down this road befor but I felt like the fact I done it 3 times to check has made me feel terrible and like my mind is replaying the memory worse than it was
- Date posted
- 4y
@b2192 I don’t think you want to hurt your son. I think you should just sit with the discomfort or agree with it. OCD loves when you agree with it.
- Date posted
- 4y
@JohnS We never got to discuss in detail and now I lost the thread. Same thing happens to me. I co sleep with my daughter so if I have a dream about an obsession, or a sexual dream at all I worry that I hurt her somehow in my sleep without even knowing it. It’s so horrible.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Freemeofocd I had the same with my daughter. I was so scared of it happening again and this was before I got diagnosed. But she was with me on the couch and sick like puking and when I can’t sleep plus the fact I was scared I hurt my son my anxiety at nights were high. I had thought that I did something to her and the next day I couldn’t tell if I did it or it was just a thought. It can be very scary but anxiety definitely drives this beast. I’m glad I’m not alone either. I lost about 8 years of my life because of all of this. It started in 2013 before I got married. I literally thought I lost it.
- Date posted
- 4y
@JohnS Yeah I really dont, like I know this is my ocd playing up but the doubt is so strong sometimes and it makes the memory of what happened worse that what it actually was Like I know I was just checking but now mind is saying you actually did it because you wanted to and you enjoyed it, its horrible
- Date posted
- 4y
@b2192 Dude. I’ve had thoughts like what if this was okay or would my wife be okay with this? I have been down the rabbit hole. It can be scary. I literally spent 5 mins with my son and changed him into a bathing suit and that turned into how I molested him aggressively. I’ve been there and we are still here! Go love your daughter to piss off OCD
- Date posted
- 4y
@JohnS Or children in general. Sorry got lost in the comments lol
- Date posted
- 4y
@JohnS What your mind made you believe you molested him? Yeah the thoughts are crazy, it's so good to know others understand. That's the awfull thing about this illness it makes talking about it so difficult
- Date posted
- 4y
@b2192 Yup. And I still get a little anxious saying that and there are seeds of doubt. But you have to just let it sit. I have literally lost so much of my life to this I feel. Feeling like I was carrying around a secret but now I got a name to put on it.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m not sure if it’s bad to do this but anytime something like this happens that tend to go with this theme. I just tell myself to sit with it and push through. Not trying to reassure but the fact each one of us cares so much, means something.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah my therapis told me checking is very common but each time it happens I go into panic mode I often dont give into it and just ignore it but sometimes I think just this once I'll test it, but it's like once isnt enough and I have to keep reassuring my self. I just hate thinking iv harmed my child by checking
- Date posted
- 4y
I find myself over analyzing what makes certain things “bad” or not. You can hold someone by the waist or hold their hand, and it can be completely innocent....unless you have weird alterior motives. What creates those motives? It’s certainly the thought behind the action right?? That’s what scares me. Because a bad thought was behind that action....
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah that wa my problem I moved my hand on his bum to check the bad thought so I instantly thought that must have meant I wanted to do that etc I should know by now to just sit with the thought and not give it attention
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah it's awful, see with me I checked for longer than a second, i check until I'm sure I'm not aroused, then I stop then my mind will question where my hands were so then I have to check again and it just continues a horrible cycle
- Date posted
- 4y
DUDE
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m struggling with the exact same situation
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel so guilty like I had sinister intentions, but i know that I didn’t
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm sorry people are going though a similar thing. I just feel like I purposely did it to check if I was aroused and I know deep down I dont enjoy it or want to do anything to my son he is my world But the fact I'm checking and actually touching his bum like that makes me feel like I've molested him because I acted on a thought.
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same way. I feel like I acted on a thought as well. I feel like the driving factor behind the maneuver was wanting to act out on my intrusive urge and I’m using ERP as an excuse. It’s driving me mad.
- Date posted
- 4y
I can relate to you so hard. I’m like over analyzing the motive behind each action. And I keep replaying it and I feel like my mind is making it worse than it really is. It’s telling me I did it to get sexual gratification. But I really did it to try ERP. Not to reassure but what I try to tell myself is, I didn’t actually hurt her, nor would I ever, regardless of what was in my mind. I didn’t touch her sexually, it was a less than a second maneuver and no one was hurt and no one received sexual gratification from it. That’s all that matters right? I’m like digging into the deep dark corners of my mind and I’m feeling emotions that weren’t there when the event occurred so it’s freaking me out even more. I know those emotions were not present at the time. But my brain is telling me they were. Or would if they were? It’s so horrible.
- Date posted
- 4y
I resonate with this I felt instant anxiety around what my motive was. Like instant. It can feel scary that was lurks a bit still. I’ve been all about the loop tape apps lately. I’ll do it 30-60 mins a day.
- Date posted
- 4y
@JohnS What are those?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Freemeofocd I play the thought, obsession, etc on a loop tape and I make it as anxiety driven as I can and listen to it on loop and try. It to respond.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w
How is this OCD? Who with Pocd thinks about a naked child ???? I was over here thinking if I’m actually attracted to kids because I find some of them good looking you know and my little cousin I have thoughts about her too and I was thinking about her naked but I wasn’t aroused or nothing so that’s where I’m confused It was intentional so does that make me a p*do?
- Date posted
- 14w
I’m scared I might become a r*pist I’m over here thinking at a time I saw a kid and I looked down at his pants like I keep thinking about what I did and it’s like I feel attracted and to me it felt like I gave him this predator look and he probably thinks I’m a P I just wonder how is this Pocd Because it feels like I want to do stuff like I don’t know I keep thinking about that situation
- Date posted
- 13w
Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?
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