- Username
- a01
- Date posted
- 4y ago
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- Username
- pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y ago
OCD is often triggered by stress. But your exact theme has more to do with your values, not your circumstances. Plenty of people with OCD can go through breakups and not get that theme. But whatever themes and triggers they do struggle with will likely feel more intense due to general stresses of going through a breakup. You aren’t going to figure out exactly why you have this theme and even if you could it would do absolutely nothing to help you recover. What you need is ERP with an ocd specialist, CBT, and mindfulness training. STOP trying to figure this out. That’s a compulsion. Lean into uncertainty: “maybe this is caused by my breakup. Or maybe it’s caused by something else. I don’t know and I don’t need to know.” STOP comparing your attraction to you ex and all other men. That’s a compulsion. When you feel the urge to do this, remind yourself: “checking this is a compulsion, and compulsive checking when you have ocd only leads to more uncertainty, not less.” STOP reading stories online. This is also a compulsion. Internet research is super common and it’s about seeking reassurance. These stories will not help you. Do people break up and then come out as gay? YUP! Does that mean that’s what’s happening or will happen to you? Of course not. And reading these stories over and over again to “make sure” isn’t going to make you any more sure at all. You can tell this is OCD and not an actual case of coming to understand more about your sexuality because of everything I listed above: obsession, compulsion, repeat. Textbook OCD cycle.
- Username
- a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you, this helps a lot. But of course my mind just thinks "yeah, but" or "what if" and it's a never ending cycle. Also, I read coming out stories because I thought that was a form of erp but all it does is trigger me. For example, if I can relate to their experiences or "signs" then I start freaking out. And no matter what I try to do whether it's read a book, watch a movie, exercise, work, my mind just keeps telling me "your gay" "come out" "your in denial" "your forcing yourself to like men" it's so exhausting and gives me anxiety. I just want to be normal
- Username
- pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@a01 It sounds like you’re confused about how to do ERP. ERP is supposed to trigger you! That’s the whole idea. And then you’re supposed to resist compulsions during and after being triggered (ie to not engage in any of the things I already pointed out and instead lean into uncertainty.) You mind will always find a “yeah, but” or “what if.” That’s OCD in action. It’s up to you how you respond. You can: perform compulsions to try to answer those questions or reason with each point endlessly OR lean into uncertainty, accept all possibilities, and move on. Let the anxiety and fear just be and leave on its own when it’s ready.
- Username
- pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@pureolife PS you are 100% normal.. for someone with OCD. And luckily we’ve developed a lot of great treatments that do work with ocd and we can improve over time with proper treatment. Are you able to see an ocd specialist?
- Username
- ChichiChichi
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You will never be able to convince yourself that it's ocd .......... Trust your behaviours - if you're doing compulsions or if you're ruminating then most likely it's ocd
- Username
- Carl CornettCarl Cornett
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You’re ruminating and engaging in a reassurance and checking compulsion to try and answer it.
- Username
- a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y ago
So what is the difference between someone who is questioning or in denial of their orientation and someone who is experiencing ocd?
- Username
- Carl CornettCarl Cornett
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@a01 That’s not a question anyone can really answer with the kind of clarity OCD would demand. The issue isn’t that you’re having the types of thoughts you’re having, it’s the obsessing and ritualizing you’re doing around the thought. Like checking for reassurance or trying to answer if you do or don’t have OCD.
- Username
- a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I don't know what to do anymore my mind is making me so depressed
- Username
- Carl CornettCarl Cornett
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@a01 There’s treatment that is very effective and works. That usually involves some sort of medication and ERP.
- Username
- a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The thing is idk if it's really ocd because I've never been diagnosed. And I've been to 3 different therapists who specialize in ocd and whenever I tell them my thoughts and what I'm experiencing they make the indication to explore my past and my sexuality or my relationships etc. Which is not what I need to do. I'm also so scared that it gets to a point where I become crazy or suicidal or not able to live a normal life. My bf of 8 years just broke up with me because I was "too much" and now nobody is going to want to be with me I'm just so depressed
- Username
- pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It sounds like you’ve gone to therapists who actually have no understanding of pure O themes. They probably work with contamination clients or other people with overt compulsions but not mental compulsions. That’s a common hurdle to run up against in getting treatment (happened to me!) and I’m so sorry. Their advice would be fine for someone without ocd but for someone with pure o themes it’s actually harmful. I’m also sorry to hear about your bf. OCD can take so much from us when it’s not managed properly and we’re not given the correct resources and education. Are you able to work with the therapists available on this app? They are well versed in mental compulsions and pure O. I’ve been exactly where you are and I’m sorry you’re suffering right now. I promise that with proper treatment OcD is actually very manageable for most people and you can/will feel happier and more in control of your life. If you can’t work with therapists in this app, just be sure you’re seeking out someone who’s worked with pure O clients — even better with people with HOCD themes. Ask those questions up front and don’t waste your time with anyone who hasn’t heard of this. Also know that that’s unfortunately very common in modern mental health care. That’s why I had to seek out an OCD specialist at an OCD center who diagnosed me right away as a pretty classic case after others failing to do so. I worked with her for about 7 months and regained so much of my life back. Recovery is very realistic, you just need the right help!
- Username
- pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@a01 Maybe start with an ocd workbook or other readings while you seek out a qualified therapist. And just let yourself grieve for awhile. You lost someone important and that feeling of loss will take time to heal.
Related posts
- Username
- gisellem
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Is it hocd or have I actually all of a sudden stopped wanting to be with a guy. I have always known I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy but ever since I got these instrusive thoughts about 3 months ago it’s only getting worse and now i dont even know who I am and if I want to date a guy or a girl. I know I don’t want to date a girl but every time I tell myself I want to date a guy I feel like somethings telling me “no you want to be with girls and you don’t have hocd you’re just in denial” Another thing that scares me is that I have never really been boy crazy and I have had small crushes on guys never on girls but every time I have thought a girl was pretty I’m like what if I thought she was attractive and I would have these crushes (they weren’t that crazy)
- Username
- Idk
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?
- Username
- trinitii
- Date posted
- 5y ago
[NSFW] hocd or denial? I'm lost and confused... I (m18) have been straight my whole life. I fantasized about girls, only got hard to them, masturbated to them... I've had a girlfriend for almost 2 years now and she is the most wonderful person ever, and I am attracted to her both romantically and sexually. So, all of it started three years ago. I saw a movie with a gay sex scene and I thought that it must feel pretty good to be at the bottom. Since then, I sometimes (but not often) thought about being on the bottom when masturbating. Although I felt kind of aroused by the thought, I thought it was a simple fantasy or fetish that I have. I tried some stuff to myself down there but I never liked it. I never had a crush on any man, nor have I ever had romantic interest in a man. About 3 weeks ago I really thought about it and I started thinking I was gay. I thought I was gay because I got kind of aroused by thinking about gay sex like this. I thought I wasn't gay because I was never interested in a man and I always had crushes on women but then I thought I was gay because I was aroused by the thought of gay sex. I started to check myself in my head by thinking of gay sex and straight sex to see if I would be aroused, and I looked at some straight porn - and once even gay porn - to see if I would be aroused. I got a bit hard from the gay porn which made me panic. I feel less aroused in general and it feels like my libido has crashed. Now, when I try to masturbate, I sometimes only think about gay sex, which makes me panic more. It feels like I'm losing my love for my girlfriend, and it feels like I'm less attracted to her, both romantically and sexually. It feels like I don't love her, but I do, and then I question everything. I feel like it's harder for me to get aroused by women. I used to imagine snuggling with my gf and falling asleep with her, which usually made me aroused, but now I don't get aroused by that. Worse, if I try to imagine doing the same with a male, I don't get aroused either. I sometimes feel like this isn't hocd (I don't know if I even have ocd, I don't have a therapist) and that I'm just in denial. I feel like I'm only not leaving my girlfriend because I don't want to harm her, and I don't love her, but I do, I love her very much and I always imagined spending my future with her. It feels like I love her and I don't at the same time. I don't know what is going on. Am I gay? Bi? I don't want to leave my girlfriend, she is amazing and wonderful and I want to stay with her and I love her, but I constantly doubt that as well. Am I gay or bi if I fantasize about gay sex and get kind of aroused? Again, I never thought about having a romantic relationship with a male, and I only ever wanted to be with women. The thought used to disgust me but thinking about it now doesn't make me feel anything, but then again, neither does thinking about the same with a woman now, which is making me afraid as well. What should I do?? I'm lost and confused and I don't want to be gay or bi, but I constantly doubt myself. I don't want to leave her, but I question even that thought - do I not want to leave her because I love her or because I don't want to hurt her - which makes me even more lost.
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