Is hocd more likely to happen after a breakup? I keep thinking that maybe the breakup happened to make me realize I should be with a girl instead of a guy. I also can't seem to find any guy attractive or desirable other than my ex. I also read stories about people breaking up/divorcing and realizing they were gay. How do I differentiate hocd with something real???

Thank you, this helps a lot. But of course my mind just thinks "yeah, but" or "what if" and it's a never ending cycle. Also, I read coming out stories because I thought that was a form of erp but all it does is trigger me. For example, if I can relate to their experiences or "signs" then I start freaking out. And no matter what I try to do whether it's read a book, watch a movie, exercise, work, my mind just keeps telling me "your gay" "come out" "your in denial" "your forcing yourself to like men" it's so exhausting and gives me anxiety. I just want to be normal

@a01 It sounds like you’re confused about how to do ERP. ERP is supposed to trigger you! That’s the whole idea. And then you’re supposed to resist compulsions during and after being triggered (ie to not engage in any of the things I already pointed out and instead lean into uncertainty.) You mind will always find a “yeah, but” or “what if.” That’s OCD in action. It’s up to you how you respond. You can: perform compulsions to try to answer those questions or reason with each point endlessly OR lean into uncertainty, accept all possibilities, and move on. Let the anxiety and fear just be and leave on its own when it’s ready.

@pureolife PS you are 100% normal.. for someone with OCD. And luckily we’ve developed a lot of great treatments that do work with ocd and we can improve over time with proper treatment. Are you able to see an ocd specialist?

So what is the difference between someone who is questioning or in denial of their orientation and someone who is experiencing ocd?

@a01 That’s not a question anyone can really answer with the kind of clarity OCD would demand. The issue isn’t that you’re having the types of thoughts you’re having, it’s the obsessing and ritualizing you’re doing around the thought. Like checking for reassurance or trying to answer if you do or don’t have OCD.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I don't know what to do anymore my mind is making me so depressed

@a01 There’s treatment that is very effective and works. That usually involves some sort of medication and ERP.

It sounds like you’ve gone to therapists who actually have no understanding of pure O themes. They probably work with contamination clients or other people with overt compulsions but not mental compulsions. That’s a common hurdle to run up against in getting treatment (happened to me!) and I’m so sorry. Their advice would be fine for someone without ocd but for someone with pure o themes it’s actually harmful. I’m also sorry to hear about your bf. OCD can take so much from us when it’s not managed properly and we’re not given the correct resources and education. Are you able to work with the therapists available on this app? They are well versed in mental compulsions and pure O. I’ve been exactly where you are and I’m sorry you’re suffering right now. I promise that with proper treatment OcD is actually very manageable for most people and you can/will feel happier and more in control of your life. If you can’t work with therapists in this app, just be sure you’re seeking out someone who’s worked with pure O clients — even better with people with HOCD themes. Ask those questions up front and don’t waste your time with anyone who hasn’t heard of this. Also know that that’s unfortunately very common in modern mental health care. That’s why I had to seek out an OCD specialist at an OCD center who diagnosed me right away as a pretty classic case after others failing to do so. I worked with her for about 7 months and regained so much of my life back. Recovery is very realistic, you just need the right help!

@a01 Maybe start with an ocd workbook or other readings while you seek out a qualified therapist. And just let yourself grieve for awhile. You lost someone important and that feeling of loss will take time to heal.