- Username
- zeep
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I would be honest about how your ocd has caused you a lot of problems recently, but still apologise for drifting and express how much you’d like to reconnect because she’s so important to you. Since her birthday is coming up maybe surprise her with a thoughtful gift as well and use it as an opportunity to ask if she wants to make birthday plans. Open communication is key here. I’ve had friends who have had the exact same problem as you. And trust me all I wanted was for them to feel better and I was just happy that they came to me and opened up eventually. I’m sure she loves you very much and wants you to recover.
thank you! i’m going to text her tmrw and i’ll let u know how it goes
I agree that you can tell her you’ve been struggling with mental health issues without specifying that’s it’s ocd or talking about your theme. You can tell her that’s it’s not just her, you’ve pulled away from everyone and you’re sorry. Also: this is actually related to ocd because your avoidance compulsion is what’s keeping you from her. How about some baby steps to get close again? Being in person is probably the most difficult so how about starting with just texting her more? Once you have a rhythm together, start calling. Then maybe get together for short hangouts. Work your way up to long ones. It will get easier as you go.
thank you for the advice :) i’ll try texting her tomorrow, and apologize for not being there for her or hanging out for a while. i’ve told her before that i was struggling w my mental health, and she kinda just brushed it off and said yea ik ur introverted, which i am, but that isn’t the problem. anyway, i’ll tell her again and try to make some sort of plan for her birthday. i’ll let u know how it goes :))
ok u probably don’t care sry for bothering u but i texted her an hour ago. she opened it 5 minutes later, and didn’t respond. i didn’t know she was that mad at me. i sent her this : “hey i’m rly sry for being so distant recently. i feel rly bad abt it and i miss you. i’ve been rly struggling with my mental health and i kinda stopped talking to everyone, so it’s not ur fault or anything. anyway, i get it if ur mad at me bc that’s fair, i just wanted to text u bc i do miss u. sorry for being like this :/“ oh well.
@zeep I think that’s a really thoughtful and hearfelt message. My bet is she really appreciated it and is taking it in. She probably was hurt and wants to absorb your message before responding. If she sends anything back that disregards or invalidates mental health issues, then you know that there’s a genuine conflict here. You mentioned that she sort of shrugged it off before. I hope she really gets it now. And if not, I want you to know that everyone here gets it. And that mental health issues are VERY good excuses for withdrawing for a bit.
@pureolife Also: you are not a bother and you don’t need to apologize for being like you are. OCD makes us feel so guilty for being tortured by it and and that’s totally unfair.
@pureolife thank you so much <3 your response means so much to me
@pureolife ok i am really sorry for bothering you again, you don’t need to reply. i have been texting her, she responded this morning and said that she thought there was a bigger problem if i was anxious around her, and stuff like that, to which i responded “it’s not about you, i can’t just stop being anxious around you, ive been in a really bad place, etc”. then she responded with this: “i know that mental health has been a struggle with you but you can always talk to me about it. the only time that i ever hear about it is when you are using it was a reason that you don’t talk to me. you never tell me what you’re actually going through so i just hear it as an excuse” i don’t know how to respond. i can’t tell her about ocd yet, im not ready. and i don’t know how to make her understand that this is different, like yes, i was an introvert, that doesn’t make me mentally ill. this is different. way different.
@zeep this is what i’m thinking of sending in response: “you keep saying that. i haven’t always struggled with mental health. being an introvert doesn’t equal mentally ill. i have struggled before, but not recently and not like this. this is different. and it’s not an excuse for me to not talk to you, it’s an explanation, but not an excuse. i shouldn’t have done that. and i’m sorry that it’s confusing to you, but i’m not going to tell you any specifics about how i’m feeling. i appreciate that i can talk to you about it, but i’m choosing not to. i don’t owe you that information, and i would rather deal with it on my own. ik you are tired of me being like this, which is understandable, so imagine how tired i am of it. i don’t like it any more than you do. i’m sorry for being so shitty, and i’m sorry that i hurt you. is there anything i can do to make you less angry?”
@zeep I like the core of that message but I think you could make it a little less defensive (if you haven’t already sent it.) “Mental health has become a much bigger problem recently. And I really appreciate that you’re available to talk. I don’t feel ready to open up about what I’m going through. I’m sorry that not having more specific information can feel confusing or seem like an excuse. I am very much struggling and doing my best to work through this. I really appreciate how patient you’ve been with me and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. If there’s something I can do to make this up to you, please let me know. You mean a lot to me.”
@pureolife i already sent it, so maybe i can fill up with a message apologizing for my tone and use what you said.
@zeep follow*
@zeep I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t worry about over apologizing. You’re close friends and she should understand.
@pureolife thanks. she’s not answering me anymore, but that’s ok. she’s allowed to be angry. i’ll stop bothering you now haha,but thank you so much for the advice <3
also i can’t tell her that i have ocd bc i haven’t been diagnosed, and tbh idek if it’s ocd anymore, and i can’t tell her specifics abt it
You can tell her the truth, which is you’ve been struggling with mental health problems that you suspect to be ocd. Not everybody can access a diagnosis, this doesn’t mean your mental illness is any less valid and you wouldn’t be deceiving her if you tell her that.
really hard day for me and could use some advice. i am talking to my ex best friend and i feel like we could slowly start becoming friends again. i am nervous to become friends again but that’s a whole different story. my hocd is telling me that i like her in a relationship way because when we weren’t friends i related our friendship ending to breakup songs, but obviously not the romance part just the other parts. that isn’t weird that they relate in some ways right? i’ll have a lot of the same feelings as someone has had when they had a breakup but it’s so similar but just friends right? also, i’m nervous that it we’re friends again my hocd will tell me i like her and ruin our friendship or make me feel uncomfortable.
As far as ocd , I’ve been feelings okay . But I feel like shit still. I can’t stop thinking about my ex friend who I also like . I am so envious too . It hurts that we’re no longer friends and we haven’t spoken to each other since our fight . It’s been 3 months almost . Bht last we talked , it was more of a confrontation and that’s when things got heated and things really ended officially for both of us. I happen to be obsessive of him not ocd related ik by heart. I am genuinely into him and I can’t seem to stop comparing myself to him as well. Which is why I am jealous of his own lifestyle and overall just him as a person. He’s the beauty faced, free spirited clear minded free guy who goes out does all sorts of things like traveling, clubbing , partying, just an active person off /on social media . He’s free spirited ! I’m surprised we even bonded and stayed close contact with each other . Me on other hand , the mentally ill , insecured , gay kid who suffers from ocd while also balancing social anxiety and everyday struggles of low self esteem . But just overall being mentally or emotionally unstable . I am hoping to reach out someday and reconnect with him and make things better. Meantime , I just have to suffer with the fact that he’s doing all fun and cool things without me . I am also into him too :( but I feel insecure so much because of my self esteem . I want to glow up so bad . I worry how one day he will find someone else 😔despite of not ever being in relationship with him . Nor has he known about my feelings I have for him. This puts me in a worse emotional state . I feel fragile all aside from constant struggle of ocd . This has been issue for me last couple of days is coping wit the loss of a friend . Anyone have advice ??
Recently i’ve been feeling lonely. My bf moved away to finish his last semester of college, and i’ve been struggling to make friends at my college. I can make “in class friends” but it’s hard for me to further those relationships bc idk, i think i overthink asking people to hangout? i’m so afraid of rejection, and in my major everyone knows everyone so it feels like one wrong step and no one will like you. But because of that i don’t think i’m even taking a step. My childhood friends have dwindled down to three lovely people but they all live far away, so i’m desperately wanting to make friends i have common interests with and i can do stuff with, on a whim just bc we’re in the same city. I really don’t know what to do, and i don’t want to spend the other half of my college years cooped up in my apartment by myself. Any advice on how you’ve made friends and how to hangout with them is greatly appreciated 💜
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