- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I would be honest about how your ocd has caused you a lot of problems recently, but still apologise for drifting and express how much you’d like to reconnect because she’s so important to you. Since her birthday is coming up maybe surprise her with a thoughtful gift as well and use it as an opportunity to ask if she wants to make birthday plans. Open communication is key here. I’ve had friends who have had the exact same problem as you. And trust me all I wanted was for them to feel better and I was just happy that they came to me and opened up eventually. I’m sure she loves you very much and wants you to recover.
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you! i’m going to text her tmrw and i’ll let u know how it goes
- Date posted
- 4y
I agree that you can tell her you’ve been struggling with mental health issues without specifying that’s it’s ocd or talking about your theme. You can tell her that’s it’s not just her, you’ve pulled away from everyone and you’re sorry. Also: this is actually related to ocd because your avoidance compulsion is what’s keeping you from her. How about some baby steps to get close again? Being in person is probably the most difficult so how about starting with just texting her more? Once you have a rhythm together, start calling. Then maybe get together for short hangouts. Work your way up to long ones. It will get easier as you go.
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you for the advice :) i’ll try texting her tomorrow, and apologize for not being there for her or hanging out for a while. i’ve told her before that i was struggling w my mental health, and she kinda just brushed it off and said yea ik ur introverted, which i am, but that isn’t the problem. anyway, i’ll tell her again and try to make some sort of plan for her birthday. i’ll let u know how it goes :))
- Date posted
- 4y
ok u probably don’t care sry for bothering u but i texted her an hour ago. she opened it 5 minutes later, and didn’t respond. i didn’t know she was that mad at me. i sent her this : “hey i’m rly sry for being so distant recently. i feel rly bad abt it and i miss you. i’ve been rly struggling with my mental health and i kinda stopped talking to everyone, so it’s not ur fault or anything. anyway, i get it if ur mad at me bc that’s fair, i just wanted to text u bc i do miss u. sorry for being like this :/“ oh well.
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep I think that’s a really thoughtful and hearfelt message. My bet is she really appreciated it and is taking it in. She probably was hurt and wants to absorb your message before responding. If she sends anything back that disregards or invalidates mental health issues, then you know that there’s a genuine conflict here. You mentioned that she sort of shrugged it off before. I hope she really gets it now. And if not, I want you to know that everyone here gets it. And that mental health issues are VERY good excuses for withdrawing for a bit.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Also: you are not a bother and you don’t need to apologize for being like you are. OCD makes us feel so guilty for being tortured by it and and that’s totally unfair.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife thank you so much <3 your response means so much to me
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife ok i am really sorry for bothering you again, you don’t need to reply. i have been texting her, she responded this morning and said that she thought there was a bigger problem if i was anxious around her, and stuff like that, to which i responded “it’s not about you, i can’t just stop being anxious around you, ive been in a really bad place, etc”. then she responded with this: “i know that mental health has been a struggle with you but you can always talk to me about it. the only time that i ever hear about it is when you are using it was a reason that you don’t talk to me. you never tell me what you’re actually going through so i just hear it as an excuse” i don’t know how to respond. i can’t tell her about ocd yet, im not ready. and i don’t know how to make her understand that this is different, like yes, i was an introvert, that doesn’t make me mentally ill. this is different. way different.
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep this is what i’m thinking of sending in response: “you keep saying that. i haven’t always struggled with mental health. being an introvert doesn’t equal mentally ill. i have struggled before, but not recently and not like this. this is different. and it’s not an excuse for me to not talk to you, it’s an explanation, but not an excuse. i shouldn’t have done that. and i’m sorry that it’s confusing to you, but i’m not going to tell you any specifics about how i’m feeling. i appreciate that i can talk to you about it, but i’m choosing not to. i don’t owe you that information, and i would rather deal with it on my own. ik you are tired of me being like this, which is understandable, so imagine how tired i am of it. i don’t like it any more than you do. i’m sorry for being so shitty, and i’m sorry that i hurt you. is there anything i can do to make you less angry?”
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep I like the core of that message but I think you could make it a little less defensive (if you haven’t already sent it.) “Mental health has become a much bigger problem recently. And I really appreciate that you’re available to talk. I don’t feel ready to open up about what I’m going through. I’m sorry that not having more specific information can feel confusing or seem like an excuse. I am very much struggling and doing my best to work through this. I really appreciate how patient you’ve been with me and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. If there’s something I can do to make this up to you, please let me know. You mean a lot to me.”
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife i already sent it, so maybe i can fill up with a message apologizing for my tone and use what you said.
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep follow*
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t worry about over apologizing. You’re close friends and she should understand.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife thanks. she’s not answering me anymore, but that’s ok. she’s allowed to be angry. i’ll stop bothering you now haha,but thank you so much for the advice <3
- Date posted
- 4y
also i can’t tell her that i have ocd bc i haven’t been diagnosed, and tbh idek if it’s ocd anymore, and i can’t tell her specifics abt it
- Date posted
- 4y
You can tell her the truth, which is you’ve been struggling with mental health problems that you suspect to be ocd. Not everybody can access a diagnosis, this doesn’t mean your mental illness is any less valid and you wouldn’t be deceiving her if you tell her that.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
kind of a longer post. putting a trigger warning just incase but nothing really insanely triggering is mentioned. currently trying to slowly pull away from a toxic friendship. i’ve been friends with someone for almost 4 years and since i met her i’ve felt like i have been living a lie. to make a long story short, i’ve been feeling sort of like a doormat being walked on in this friendship. it’s hard for me to speak up for myself and with someone like her whose super outspoken about her own opinions and interests etc it’s hard for me to speak up and not just agree and move on. this has boiled into me just not being myself at all. i know to those who don’t experience this it’ll sound ridiculous. like just be honest and be yourself but it’s just sadly way more complicated then that. she’s also caused me to have extreme stress and anxiety and even panic attacks because of her behaviors when there’s conflict. to the point where whenever i explain the full situation i get the same response from everyone which is “why are you still friends with her”. pulling away from this friendship isn’t gonna be easy and i don’t really no how to do it. when asking my mom she’s telling me to flat out block her everywhere and that her actions are inexcusable. my therapist asked me if i’m getting anything from this friendship and when i hesitated to think of anything she said “i think you know your answer”. my entire family and friends and therapist are encouraging me to leave her and never look back. but i am mortified not only because of my OCD but because i know what she does when faced with conflicts. i’m mortified thinking of everything i’ve ever said to her wether it was right or wrong or if i ever confessed to past compulsions, talking about traumas and stuff. thinking about if i’ve ever mentioned anything about anything which i know I haven’t like i would never forget it if i did but now i’m worried since i’m trying to no longer be friends with her. i’m having a lot of false memories pop into my head and it’s been making this process a whole lot harder. stressing about even posting this, plus worried about my thoughts and emotions making my OCD worse and making me fear this whole situation even more. does anyone have any suggestions on how to ease these anxieties??? or advice specifically on ending long term friendships???
- Date posted
- 19w
hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)
- Date posted
- 19w
there’s currently tension between the members of my family and it’s not only making me stressed, but it’s giving me really bad anxiety. the situation that’s happening is the byproduct of feelings being held in for years on end finally coming out. the situation doesn’t really have to do with me directly but more indirectly. it’s more so between my brother and my mom. and i’m really close with both. i also am home when i’m not at college. anyways, the issue is my harm ocd is latching onto it. lately, if i don’t like someone’s personality or they do something wrong, my harm ocd will latch onto that. this situation it happens to be my mom. but it’s also been my mom for a little bit now because she has faults that she refuses to acknowledge. my ocd is making me believe i hate my mom and so on. and i don’t hate my mom, but there are times where i really dislike her and how she handles situations, like this one. but i hate being at college more than i would hate to go home and i always love being home. it’s just this situation is making my harm ocd not great, making me not want to go home. furthermore, my contamination ocd gets triggered because of my harm ocd as i get nauseous so then i spiral. anyways, i apologize for rambling but i just need either some words of advice or support if anyone wouldn’t mind :)
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