hey guys, not really ocd related but i need some advice :/ so since my ocd started this summer i kinda stopped talking to ppl and making plans. and during the summer it was ok because i was away so it made sense. but since i jane back in september, i still haven’t really talked to people and made plans. especially with my best friend. i’m not mad at her or anything, but it’s a mix of being introverted, anxious, and she recently came out as bi, so being around her triggers me when she talks about it. about a month ago she confronted me abt it and said she was upset that i wasn’t making an effort to be her friend anymore, and so then i hung out w her that day. but i haven’t rly talked to her since. it’s been a month since i saw her last, and more since i last texted her. i feel so bad about it. i want to talk to her again. and her birthday is at the end of the month so i want to be able to talk to her then. ig i’m not sure how to go about reconnecting since it’s been so long. if y’all have any tips that would be greatly appreciated.

thank you! i’m going to text her tmrw and i’ll let u know how it goes

thank you for the advice :) i’ll try texting her tomorrow, and apologize for not being there for her or hanging out for a while. i’ve told her before that i was struggling w my mental health, and she kinda just brushed it off and said yea ik ur introverted, which i am, but that isn’t the problem. anyway, i’ll tell her again and try to make some sort of plan for her birthday. i’ll let u know how it goes :))

ok u probably don’t care sry for bothering u but i texted her an hour ago. she opened it 5 minutes later, and didn’t respond. i didn’t know she was that mad at me. i sent her this : “hey i’m rly sry for being so distant recently. i feel rly bad abt it and i miss you. i’ve been rly struggling with my mental health and i kinda stopped talking to everyone, so it’s not ur fault or anything. anyway, i get it if ur mad at me bc that’s fair, i just wanted to text u bc i do miss u. sorry for being like this :/“ oh well.

@zeep I think that’s a really thoughtful and hearfelt message. My bet is she really appreciated it and is taking it in. She probably was hurt and wants to absorb your message before responding. If she sends anything back that disregards or invalidates mental health issues, then you know that there’s a genuine conflict here. You mentioned that she sort of shrugged it off before. I hope she really gets it now. And if not, I want you to know that everyone here gets it. And that mental health issues are VERY good excuses for withdrawing for a bit.

@pureolife Also: you are not a bother and you don’t need to apologize for being like you are. OCD makes us feel so guilty for being tortured by it and and that’s totally unfair.

@pureolife thank you so much <3 your response means so much to me

@pureolife ok i am really sorry for bothering you again, you don’t need to reply. i have been texting her, she responded this morning and said that she thought there was a bigger problem if i was anxious around her, and stuff like that, to which i responded “it’s not about you, i can’t just stop being anxious around you, ive been in a really bad place, etc”. then she responded with this: “i know that mental health has been a struggle with you but you can always talk to me about it. the only time that i ever hear about it is when you are using it was a reason that you don’t talk to me. you never tell me what you’re actually going through so i just hear it as an excuse” i don’t know how to respond. i can’t tell her about ocd yet, im not ready. and i don’t know how to make her understand that this is different, like yes, i was an introvert, that doesn’t make me mentally ill. this is different. way different.

@zeep this is what i’m thinking of sending in response: “you keep saying that. i haven’t always struggled with mental health. being an introvert doesn’t equal mentally ill. i have struggled before, but not recently and not like this. this is different. and it’s not an excuse for me to not talk to you, it’s an explanation, but not an excuse. i shouldn’t have done that. and i’m sorry that it’s confusing to you, but i’m not going to tell you any specifics about how i’m feeling. i appreciate that i can talk to you about it, but i’m choosing not to. i don’t owe you that information, and i would rather deal with it on my own. ik you are tired of me being like this, which is understandable, so imagine how tired i am of it. i don’t like it any more than you do. i’m sorry for being so shitty, and i’m sorry that i hurt you. is there anything i can do to make you less angry?”

@zeep I like the core of that message but I think you could make it a little less defensive (if you haven’t already sent it.) “Mental health has become a much bigger problem recently. And I really appreciate that you’re available to talk. I don’t feel ready to open up about what I’m going through. I’m sorry that not having more specific information can feel confusing or seem like an excuse. I am very much struggling and doing my best to work through this. I really appreciate how patient you’ve been with me and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. If there’s something I can do to make this up to you, please let me know. You mean a lot to me.”

@pureolife i already sent it, so maybe i can fill up with a message apologizing for my tone and use what you said.

@zeep follow*

@zeep I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t worry about over apologizing. You’re close friends and she should understand.

@pureolife thanks. she’s not answering me anymore, but that’s ok. she’s allowed to be angry. i’ll stop bothering you now haha,but thank you so much for the advice <3

You can tell her the truth, which is you’ve been struggling with mental health problems that you suspect to be ocd. Not everybody can access a diagnosis, this doesn’t mean your mental illness is any less valid and you wouldn’t be deceiving her if you tell her that.