- Username
- zeep
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I would be honest about how your ocd has caused you a lot of problems recently, but still apologise for drifting and express how much you’d like to reconnect because she’s so important to you. Since her birthday is coming up maybe surprise her with a thoughtful gift as well and use it as an opportunity to ask if she wants to make birthday plans. Open communication is key here. I’ve had friends who have had the exact same problem as you. And trust me all I wanted was for them to feel better and I was just happy that they came to me and opened up eventually. I’m sure she loves you very much and wants you to recover.
thank you! i’m going to text her tmrw and i’ll let u know how it goes
I agree that you can tell her you’ve been struggling with mental health issues without specifying that’s it’s ocd or talking about your theme. You can tell her that’s it’s not just her, you’ve pulled away from everyone and you’re sorry. Also: this is actually related to ocd because your avoidance compulsion is what’s keeping you from her. How about some baby steps to get close again? Being in person is probably the most difficult so how about starting with just texting her more? Once you have a rhythm together, start calling. Then maybe get together for short hangouts. Work your way up to long ones. It will get easier as you go.
thank you for the advice :) i’ll try texting her tomorrow, and apologize for not being there for her or hanging out for a while. i’ve told her before that i was struggling w my mental health, and she kinda just brushed it off and said yea ik ur introverted, which i am, but that isn’t the problem. anyway, i’ll tell her again and try to make some sort of plan for her birthday. i’ll let u know how it goes :))
ok u probably don’t care sry for bothering u but i texted her an hour ago. she opened it 5 minutes later, and didn’t respond. i didn’t know she was that mad at me. i sent her this : “hey i’m rly sry for being so distant recently. i feel rly bad abt it and i miss you. i’ve been rly struggling with my mental health and i kinda stopped talking to everyone, so it’s not ur fault or anything. anyway, i get it if ur mad at me bc that’s fair, i just wanted to text u bc i do miss u. sorry for being like this :/“ oh well.
@zeep I think that’s a really thoughtful and hearfelt message. My bet is she really appreciated it and is taking it in. She probably was hurt and wants to absorb your message before responding. If she sends anything back that disregards or invalidates mental health issues, then you know that there’s a genuine conflict here. You mentioned that she sort of shrugged it off before. I hope she really gets it now. And if not, I want you to know that everyone here gets it. And that mental health issues are VERY good excuses for withdrawing for a bit.
@pureolife Also: you are not a bother and you don’t need to apologize for being like you are. OCD makes us feel so guilty for being tortured by it and and that’s totally unfair.
@pureolife thank you so much <3 your response means so much to me
@pureolife ok i am really sorry for bothering you again, you don’t need to reply. i have been texting her, she responded this morning and said that she thought there was a bigger problem if i was anxious around her, and stuff like that, to which i responded “it’s not about you, i can’t just stop being anxious around you, ive been in a really bad place, etc”. then she responded with this: “i know that mental health has been a struggle with you but you can always talk to me about it. the only time that i ever hear about it is when you are using it was a reason that you don’t talk to me. you never tell me what you’re actually going through so i just hear it as an excuse” i don’t know how to respond. i can’t tell her about ocd yet, im not ready. and i don’t know how to make her understand that this is different, like yes, i was an introvert, that doesn’t make me mentally ill. this is different. way different.
@zeep this is what i’m thinking of sending in response: “you keep saying that. i haven’t always struggled with mental health. being an introvert doesn’t equal mentally ill. i have struggled before, but not recently and not like this. this is different. and it’s not an excuse for me to not talk to you, it’s an explanation, but not an excuse. i shouldn’t have done that. and i’m sorry that it’s confusing to you, but i’m not going to tell you any specifics about how i’m feeling. i appreciate that i can talk to you about it, but i’m choosing not to. i don’t owe you that information, and i would rather deal with it on my own. ik you are tired of me being like this, which is understandable, so imagine how tired i am of it. i don’t like it any more than you do. i’m sorry for being so shitty, and i’m sorry that i hurt you. is there anything i can do to make you less angry?”
@zeep I like the core of that message but I think you could make it a little less defensive (if you haven’t already sent it.) “Mental health has become a much bigger problem recently. And I really appreciate that you’re available to talk. I don’t feel ready to open up about what I’m going through. I’m sorry that not having more specific information can feel confusing or seem like an excuse. I am very much struggling and doing my best to work through this. I really appreciate how patient you’ve been with me and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. If there’s something I can do to make this up to you, please let me know. You mean a lot to me.”
@pureolife i already sent it, so maybe i can fill up with a message apologizing for my tone and use what you said.
@zeep follow*
@zeep I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t worry about over apologizing. You’re close friends and she should understand.
@pureolife thanks. she’s not answering me anymore, but that’s ok. she’s allowed to be angry. i’ll stop bothering you now haha,but thank you so much for the advice <3
also i can’t tell her that i have ocd bc i haven’t been diagnosed, and tbh idek if it’s ocd anymore, and i can’t tell her specifics abt it
You can tell her the truth, which is you’ve been struggling with mental health problems that you suspect to be ocd. Not everybody can access a diagnosis, this doesn’t mean your mental illness is any less valid and you wouldn’t be deceiving her if you tell her that.
Hey guys, just wanted a bit of advice as I’m sure my friends are sick of me constantly asking them for reassurance and to be there for me. I use to be very close friends with this girl who had kids with a complete an utter nasty piece of work, anyway when they were together I was friendly with him as he was with my close friend and that’s only right, even though most people despised of him, I never see the bad in people. Then when they broke up he came to my home a few times to chat and for advice, which I gave him, he then tried it on with me sexually and I obviously declined in which he didn’t like, I then had the decency to tell me friend the mother of his children and it back fired on me for trying to be the good friend by telling her the truth, she then took his side in which I lost all respect for her as I was trying to do right by her for telling her what had happened as o hate things like that on my mind. After this he came to my house and threatened, send me a whole load of abusive threatening voice notes too like the vile human he is because of course he got found out. I drifted away from her because of the situation and clearly trying to do the right thing was the wrong thing, we have briefly spoke since this happened a few times within the last three or so months. This caused me to have severe ocd and have the worst paranoia, I don’t want her in my life, I don’t even have her number saved but today she turned up at my door unexpectedly just to ‘pop in’ although I don’t want anything to do with her, the whole situation makes me feel ill, makes my ocd bad and bad paranoia. What can I do?
This kinda isn’t related to OCD but I just wanted to rant: Ok so my boyfriend asked me to hang out tomorrow and now I’m scared to. Ugh I’m so tired of this anxiety shit. I make up excuses and say I can’t hang out even though I want to. I think I have social anxiety, but when I don’t hang with him my anxiety isn’t bothering me. I just hate that feeling. I need help can anyone please give me some advice. I could really use it :(
Hey, just looking for some none-OCD advice, as at the moment I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I’m gonna try and keep it short, so I don’t bore you! So, I’m from England, and I’m 16. At 16 in the UK, you go from high school to 6th form, where you spend two years doing something called your ‘A levels’, and then you go to university at 18, like all countries. I’ve been in college for 8 months now, but I’d say 65-70% of my time has been spent online - so I’ve only had a relatively small amount of time to make true friends. I had solid friends throughout high school, and I say I tilt quite a lot towards being an extravert. Ever since coming to 6th form, a lot of the people who I was friends with, went to a different school, and some of the people who were acquaintances I barely see now, because the school is so large. Basically, since coming to college I only have 2 true friends, and one of those has basically separated herself from me (she’s a bit of a bitch, but that’s another story - we’ve basically been best friends since we were 4 but she routinely ditches me) I’ve found that no one ever messages me anymore. I’ve got plans to go to the city with me and 3 other girls next Sunday - but I organised it. They were all excited, but I’ve only been invited out once by one of my other friends. I just feel like no one likes me, and that I’m repulsive to people - I know it’s irrational, but the fear that I’m just unlikeable terrifies me, as I want nothing more than a big group of friends and that’s not what I have at the minute. I’m desperate for someone to be like “hey, Ellie do you wanna come and sit with us”, but they don’t. And I’m usually just sat with one of my close friends, who I love. She’s popular, and people like her more than me but she’s self-admittedly introverted and I’m not. Ugh, this is long now. But does anyone have any advice? I’ve made a lot of acquaintances, but they all have their own friendship groups from high school - but I don’t because a lot of my friends went to a different school. I’m miserable because of this at the moment, and I feel worthless.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond