I made a huge mistake in the past. Going into it I didn't know at the time how bad the mistake was until a long time later. I so badly wish I could go back and fix it and change it. I hate myself and I feel like I deserve to die. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that I need to just let it go and stop beating myself up and that I've punished myself enough but I can't seem to shake it off and move on. I'm a Christian so I do believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins but why do I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I would NEVER make the same mistake again knowing what I know now. Do I deserve a second chance? Is it possible that OCD can make it worse than it actually is? I need help 😭

Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.

17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.

I’m a Christian with religious OCD something I’ve always wondered as a Christian is why did God send Jesus to die on the cross why didn’t God die on the cross? Every time I think about that, my OCD calls God a bad word. even as I’m typing this, my mind is calling that bad word I don’t mean it and I don’t understand it. I know I would never say that last night when I had that thought I felt so sick. I ran to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. it’s terrible and something that is not true, I’m sure you guys can figure it out it starts with a p. I don’t wanna kill myself, but I feel like that’s the only option (edited)