Hi everyone! I wanted to ask a quick question. My partner and I are interested in taking the next step in our relationship - getting engaged then getting married. However, I obviously still struggle with ROCD which distresses me. I am very attracted to him, but have these thoughts that “he’s not the right person for you” even though that couldnt seem further from true. If anyone on here is married, can you share how you made the personal decision to get married to your current partner? Thanks in advance!!

You’re seeking reassurance. Do some ERP, no one can tell you if you’re ready for the next step and if your partner is the one you should marry.

One of the biggest things that I realized was that my OCD would focus on the appearance/social status etc. of my boyfriend. Things he could not change.... I would think “would I be happier if I was dating someone way cuter or more social” but at the end of the day my husband was there for me at every point even if he didn’t understand it, he was still by my side through it all! Don’t listen to your OCD, you just have to tell yourself “if it’s meant to be it will be” that way you are not reassuring your OCD!

I was a total mess when I started dating my husband! Couldn’t hold a job, could barely cook for myself, effectively nocturnal...if you’d asked me if I was ready for a relationship, I’d have said no way. If you’d told me that in the space of five years I’d be happily married and running a functional household, with our second child on the way, I’d have thought you were crazy... I think there are a few things in particular that have made this possible. 1) I was super upfront with him about everything, very early on. And he made it very clear that I could trust him, while still giving me lots of space to work through shit. No danger of codependency, in other words. 2) An awesome Team Me, including health professionals, close friends, and lots of family in driving distance. I am super open with all of them about my mental illnesses and can ask for support when I need it, so he’s not the sole pillar I’m leaning on. 3) I am 100% committed to all the daily things that keep me sane(ish): meds, exercise, meditation, and so on. I treat my health as a full-time job, because without it, everything falls apart. 4) We both work incredibly hard to love each other through the tough times. We learn to communicate in ways that the other person can understand. We hug and kiss a lot. We text each other hearts when he’s at work. We work on patience and on asking for what we need. We warn each other if something tough is coming up (PMS for me, work inspections for him) so the other person knows to have a little extra patience. We go on dates. We snuggle in bed and try to beat each other’s crossword score. He’s amazing. I’m so glad I didn’t let my crazy stop me from marrying him.

Hi! I actually have ROCd as well & I got married 3 weeks ago! I had such a hard time when talk of engagement would come up... I knew I wanted to marry him but also would always think about other boys & wonder if I would be happier with someone else! I did ERP & exercised a lot which helped me so much in recovery! I still have hard days but getting married was the best decision I’ve ever made, even though OCD told me it wasn’t😘

Yes! Like I am able to write a HUGE list of all of these things that I love about him but then for some reason my anxiety / OCD almost makes me feel trapped. What were some ways you felt confident about him and were able to tell ROCD that those thoughts weren’t true?

That’s awesome! Thanks so much for sharing. ♥️