- Username
- Jojo
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I would say keep the baby and fight through it. Don’t let OCD ruin your life or your goals. You’ve made it this far
Hey girl. I am 14 weeks pregnant and also struggle with pocd/harm ocd. I also have a 4 year old daughter who the pocd stems from. It is very very hard and I still have not fully accepted I am pregnant and I have many doubts about how I will act when the baby is born and going to my OB makes me very scared as well. My pocd started right when I got pregnant, I’m guess the hormones are causing my ocd to be so so much worse. I’m on Prozac 20mg and buspar for anxiety. I’m seeing TWO therapists. Trust me. I am in the SAME boat as you. It’s so fucking hard. I can barely manage taking care of my daughter that I already have, let alone a new born who relies on me for everything. Trust me I’m terrified to my core but I love my kids and we have to be strong. If you ever need to talk message me. I suffer every day trust me.
Thank you for this. I wish there was a way to PM here. Idk I think I’m strong. I try to keep my faith and push through but I just don’t know. This would be my 1st child if I decide to continue. I seriously feel like at this point I need to listen to my heart and not go through with it. I know these are thoughts but they feel so real and at times tell me otherwise. That’s my fear that I decide to keep and the thoughts will get worse and I won’t be able to function or care for a child. I’ve told my bf my fears , while he tried to understand since he can’t fully make sense of it, he thinks if I have a baby, I’ll just get over it. I know that’s not the case. It’s hard because I also don’t feel any positive emotions towards the pregnancy and he sees it as a for sure thing. I get down on myself for even putting myself through this.
I am a mom of a 7 month old baby and have struggled with POCD. It’s not easy hun. I see a counselor. I talk to her once a week mostly unless something gets in the way. I avoided giving him a bath sometimes now I take a bath with him almost everyday. Diapers weren’t easy I would quickly try to put them on sometimes. Looking at him was and is still hard sometimes. I wanted to have kids when I was a young teen growing up into adult hood (I was an adult the last time I felt I wanted to have a baby with someone) at least I believe so I still try to check these kind of things out like how old I was when things happened or when I felt certain ways anyways getting off track here. It’s possible hun if you want to try. It’s definitely a lot to think about. Idk how you feel hun but I want to say I wanted my baby. I feared losing him or being reported or people thinking I’m not fit to take care of him once I open up to certain people about what goes on with me. It’s hard but I haven’t gave up yet and I haven’t been planning on it. Do what you feel is best hun. I wish you and the baby the best and hope whatever happens you guys can live happy lives. There will be good times and bad times. I had some great times and I had some terrible times.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I didn’t bother or haven’t bothered to share the ultrasound pic to my bf because I don’t want him to get attached. I feel like I can’t even talk to him honestly about terminating because he doesn’t agree with it and we’ve been through it before. I feel sad for him and for me in general. I feel like if I maybe had a maternal instinct right now then I would be more inclined to carry on with it but because I don’t it causes me more doubts and worries about the future. I feel as if my heart tells me I know what to do...which is to terminate but a very very small part tells me “ what if you don’t “ but then my thoughts tell me “ you can’t live with those thoughts and uncertainties not with a child in your life” I pray to God he shows me the way. 🙏🙏😞😞😞😞
@Jojo Hun I still struggle with bonding with my son. I feel like I’m supposed to be utterly in love and in Awh but in all reality I spend a lot of time not feeling like that. I broke down once crying I couldn’t look at him. This was shortly after I had him. I felt like I didn’t want him And I just cried because I mean to feel that way about your own son is terrible.. for him and it can be for me. It’s hard when you think and feel like you’re supposed to feel one way but it’s not exactly there. But I didn’t want to give up. And I do what I can so he feels loved and hopefully he won’t know for awhile about what I go through. But sometimes I think about the fact I’ve been doing this for 7 months and I got through it. It’s possible hard but possible but don’t feel obligated to keep the baby if you truly feel you can’t do it and maybe try being open with your partner. It might be hard but it’s important and I hope you find a way to get through this. I personally support whatever decision you feel you should make. But just know this is possible hun and you can do it.
@ashleyboo Thank you. I appreciate the support esp coming from a woman . 💛💛
@Jojo You’re welcome 😊
Also he is my first son. He was my first pregnancy and only so far.
I had a lot of trouble last year with my relationship, no matter how much reassurance my Bf would give me I was always afraid he was going to leave me. Towards the end of our relationship I was anxious and crying a lot. He couldn’t take it anymore. He fell out of love with me. We broke up not just because of that but because we both weren’t on the same page as to what we wanted out of our relationship. Which is why I just thought that’s what caused my anxiety. We broke September and I thought I could finally relax a little because the anxiety had lifted. Come December though my mind had lost it. I’ve had extremely grueling intrusive thoughts/images pretty much every day since. Ones of harming people I love. I have no history of violence what so ever. I was the naive church girl growing up. I always wanted to help people as much as I could. I was never a vengeful person. In fact if i had a argument with someone I’d have to fix it right away. I couldn’t stand them being upset with me. This has been going on for 8 months now. I find it hard to think of anything else. I google a lot to see if my thoughts are normal or not. I have to constantly reassure myself things are going to be okay and that I won’t hurt anyone. Most days I don’t like to be touched or sometimes it’s hard for me to even talk. I feel scared all the time. I went to my doctor for depression and anxiety and they put me on lexapro which only seemed to make me more jittery and anxious. Then Zoloft which helped but then stopped working. I’m not on Paxil w/Xanax to help the panic attacks. But I can’t tell if it’s working. I almost feel like it’s not because everyday I break down and cry. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I should be locked away. I have a therapy appointment in two weeks. I’m trying to hold on and not freak out for the time being.
I think I may be pregnant but it’s still too early to tell. It scares me because I think due to my ocd I may not be a very good mother. I think what if I have to be hospitalized again and can’t be there for my child? Or what if I get the intrusive thoughts about them? The ones about my husband have been coming back slightly but it’s definitely focused on health right now. My friend’s lung collapsed two days ago and she’s my age! (27) and now I’m terrified that it may happen to me or worse I may have a heart attack and die. If I am pregnant I may choose to abort. Idk yet, a part of me thinks that those of us with mental illnesses should be sterilized. I’m curious to know other ppls opinions on this subject...
Hello! I want to introduce myself, I am Pamela. I am currently pregnant 28 weeks. I have developed Harm OCD with myself and others. and I feel as if I have Pure OCD as well. I felt as though I was getting better but the thoughts have came back and they seem a lot more scarier. I feel like I can’t do this pregnancy thing and the whole family thing. I just recently quit my job because I can’t get adequate sleep at night anymore and My anxiety is soooo bad all the time, especially at work. I am also struggling with being afraid of developing what mental illness my mother had. I have been afraid of being possessed by a demon because I KNOW this isn’t me. I have always been scared of those kinds of things anyway, I had watched something with Jeffery Duhmer and a few other things and now I have been worried what if I’m like him , I used to think how could someone do those kinds of things and now I’m thinking what if I want to do those things?? what if I have no emotion? I haven’t been able to cry lately, i feel sort of numb and that also scares me because normally I would cry over a movie, or something silly. I want to cry, I want to be genuinely happy and I want to feel the way I did before I developed this terrible illness. I feel crazy to be even talking about my thoughts, and I feel stupid . I have started Zoloft maybe a month and a half ago and I am also worried that the medicine isn’t working properly and is making me worse. I haven’t stopped taking it but I definitely have thought about it. But I’m also worried that if I do stop taking it my anxiety and depression will get worse. Here lately I have been feeling like I will never get better and I just want to die, I have been wanting to birth this baby and just give her to my boyfriend and then go away , I don’t know where I’d go but I feel as though I don’t deserve to be here anymore. Im so tired , like exhausted but I keep pushing like I’m not. I keep pretending that I am happy. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Please someone help me in what I need to do to begin my journey, even though I’m completely and utterly terrified to do just about anything because I’m scared of triggering these thoughts , or even new ones .. Please I am really not looking for reassurance, I just wanted to share what I personally have been going threw, and I want options on what I should begin with to get better ?
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