Hi guys. I've had the worst news possible. I've had health OCD for more then 15 years and with meds, ERP and a lot of effort I was starting to get by. But yesterday I went to the optalmologist for a regular checking, and all of a sudden she told me I have Glaucoma??. I'm 44. What the fuck!? No job, no family(all dead from cancer) and now the possibility of becoming......I don't even want to think about it. I am going to ask for a 2° opinion but this does not look good. I feel I have not incentives or motivations in life to keep going any more.And I will probably have to quit my meds(ISRS) just in case they have something to do with the Glaucoma. I feel very depress. I apologise for being so negative this time but I do not feel like talking to anyone close to me about it yet. The "what if" is killing me a and this is gonna be a hard one to get over...thank you for reading this and being there.

Just been discharged from hospital outpatients after operation and 3 month recovery. There was an ultrasound on eyes and possibility of radiotherapy treatment for a spot there, but turned out it was benign. OCD was quiet during this time. However, now OCD has come back big time, and I'm wishing I hadn't been so fortunate with diagnosis. Tired of going through this like groundhog day, and worried that there will come a time where I won't cope. Can't tell anymore if this is OCD or I'm just losing my mind. All plans and dreams gone now.

I’ve been a bit of wreck this whole day. Today, I went to an ENT appointment I set up to address potential hearing loss issues that I have been experiencing for a while now. The result of that was the diagnosis of bilateral sensorineural hearing loss (mild hearing loss in both ears). I’ve been ruminating and catastrophizing all day today cause I feel like my world is crumbling (despite me knowing that I could still live a fruitful life). I’m not afraid of losing my hearing per se, but rather, the implications of it and how drastically my life will change. I won’t be able to make music and films the same way anymore, or enjoy it like I used to. I won’t be able to work day jobs that require me to use hearing. Without financial security, I won’t be able to take care of myself. I’d to get to rekindle my appreciation and knowledge of ASL cause I think it’s a useful skill, but I’m just really anxious. I’ve already been struggling a lot due to other factors in my life, and I find myself thinking about death pretty often, but I have no desire to die. It just seems like the only escape. I’m very scared and full of grief. I want to resolve all this conflict now, cause I feel a giant sense of urgency but I can’t. That’s what’s killing me right now. I know I can’t solve it all, and a big factor of OCD is being okay with uncertainty, but I can’t fathom that. I’m so frustrated and I’m tired of suffering. I just want my physical and mental health intact.

since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.