- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Right POCD: I am bathing my son, and I completely lose control and can’t handle this sudden dark desire to be intimate with him. I push and fight but I lose all control and a terrible dark desire over takes me. I start touching him in places I shouldn’t, I get really aroused and before I know it I’m molesting him in every way imaginable. I can no longer deny my impulses and that I have an UNCONTROLLABLE urge to repeat the cycle of abuse like it was done to me. I have to live with this knowledge I have caused insidious damage to my own child, and I live a life full of self hatred and loathing. I have become my very worst nightmare and the thing I hate most - a sexual predator
- Date posted
- 6y
It's rough, but you did it! From now on it will get easier each time you do it. Here's mine for emetophobia: It is 11:47 PM and I am laying in bed awake, just as I have been for two hours. My stomach begins to churn and I sit up in bed, preparing for the very worst. Suddenly, i am faced with the inability to swallow. I can feel acid quickly rising through my esophagus, forcefully expelling through my mouth. Red liquid with chunks of today's dinner cover my shirt, my bed, and myself. The smell is excruciating, and the vile burns my throat.
- Date posted
- 6y
Skills. I’d rather have images of vomiting than skullfucking my kid though:) I will do sexual next!
- Date posted
- 6y
Can I join you guys???? This idea is great!! I think you two are very brave.
- Date posted
- 6y
Aye! Responsibility, relationship, paedophile, sexual, harm! All five and then a biggie that incorporates ALL OF THEM!
- Date posted
- 6y
Tell you what: I’ll do one now in this thread! You do one straight after. Deal?
- Date posted
- 6y
God..............these are not. Nice. At all
- Date posted
- 6y
You fucking bet you can join!! We’re doing this. Fuck this condition, fuck its bills hit, fuck it’s bullying tactics, fucks it’s shame, fuck it’s thievery if self belief and self esteem. FUCK. IT!!! Let us know you theme(s) and do it here.
- Date posted
- 6y
Right: Sexual OCD. It’s back! The bad thoughts! The performance anxiety! The failure as a man. The nasty thoughts of unnatural sex. I start to fear sex again, because I’m too afraid to fail to to see the bad images my brain shows me. Despite my best intentions, my wife and I make love. During the act, I start to panic as I see horrible thoughts of my children, or my family being engaged in sexual acts with me. I try too hard to block out the images and kill my libido and erection in the process. We try again and now I have become obsessed with having sex, and have started watching lots of porn again. I try not to emulate the fast and ‘exciting’ sex seen there but it’s the only way I can get through and ‘be a man’. My wife knows EXACTLy what this means. The thoughts are back, and I’m acting. She feels no intimacy and I have slipped again into sexual obsession. I have to always prove myself sexually - to prove I am a man. Because I am a failure.
- Date posted
- 6y
These are equally painful and liberating.
- Date posted
- 6y
Next up will be responsibility! After you guys though?
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok Gloria: Do another theme. Muni - you follow. Then I do responsibility (which is an old theme but has been problematic)
- Date posted
- 6y
What do you mean for your themes? Anyways, I'm down for it.
- Date posted
- 6y
Heck yeah I'll do that for mine. Kind of like a worry script??
- Date posted
- 6y
Deal.
- Date posted
- 6y
Okay, so my main obsessions are existential ocd questions, especially regarding reality, and having a heart attack because of too much stress. Now I have to go to bed (it’s nighttime here in Europe) but I’ll do it tomorrow!!
- Date posted
- 6y
Oops. I forgot to say my themes. I have emetophobia, harm, suicidal, contamination, and counting OCD. And some sexual but not a main one currently.
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm not sure if I should post about my other themes because they may be very triggering for other individuals??
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s up to you but we have to do it if we are gonna face fears. If people do get triggered........isn’t that the point?
- Date posted
- 6y
I'll write them individually, but I'm not going to post them. I fear they could trigger depression and I don't want it to be too graphic for people. I'm down to keep posting my emetophobia ones, though!
- Date posted
- 6y
@muni - are you still doing an exposure?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Trigger Warning: Suicide I’m 21(Female) just for reference Anyone else struggling with OCD so much to where you feel so isolated, confused, burnout, suffering & in astonishing emotional pain & agony. I promise yall aren’t alone in the feelings. I promise you there is someone going through similar, obviously our lives aren’t identical, but our struggles can be very similar. It’s even harder dealing with trauma, split parents, abusive parent(s), a sick parent at the same time as all of this. It feels like God or the universe just WANTS you to struggle. Like it’s punishment for something you did as a kid or teenager. I’m dealing with all this exactly. Sometimes I just want support. So I hope this message can be support for someone struggling too & hope it helps them be able to breathe a little easier & gives them strength to go on another day. I just would like to mention if you have access to therapy take advantage of it. The therapists are not there to judge you but I promise it’s a them issue & you’re not a horrible person. When I used to think of suicide often I started to think less “doomsdayish” & realized that I wont know how my life will turn out if I just give up. If you give up you won’t ever know. Whether your situation will improve, & all the fear in your heart just gone. You could miss out on that freedom and happiness you’ve been waiting for in this current life we are living. One last thing I want to point out that I’ve thought about is that we don’t know how many more people are out there struggling with this. I think they’re maybe afraid of judgement. Basically what I’m implying is I feel like there are so many others out there who don’t want to speak up & are struggling with this. Everything on their conscious being afraid to even write it down. I just feel in my heart that there are others who keep these issues to themselves. I think I feel it in my heart because that was me once. Feeling like my story was different, afraid at thought of even telling a stranger(therapist) who could judge me. I did not want to be perceived badly. I’m 21 years old & wish I had the courage to speak up sooner I feel like I could’ve started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sooner but that’s okay. Speak up for you, you do not have to wake up in fear everyday or contemplate suicide everyday. Even if it feels like you’re your only cheerleader. Sending a virtual hug to all because I know what it’s like to just want to be held & told that everything is going to work out. you never know what others are going through, be the person who isn’t afraid to extend your heart to others, try & breathe a little more, take care of yourselves, remember you aren’t alone no matter your situation, stay strong To the suicidal person reading this, you’re resilient & strong. Sending a virtual hug❤️.
- Date posted
- 20w
I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.
- Date posted
- 15w
I wanted to share with you guys some of the things that have helped me in the past few weeks! If you’re open to it, maybe try a few and see how you feel! First I would really recommend leaning on God. If you’re not a believer you may be skeptical but if you’ve never tried to read the Bible, prayer or even just talking with God, I would recommend so much! My relationship with God has gotten so much better through this terrible illness and in turn I have noticed a lot of positivity, I feel substantially better since I’ve been trying to bring this to God instead of worry about it myself. If you can give your worries to God and learn to have faith that he is with you, loves and forgives you. You have a great step towards recovery and even just a more positive life. Next, try going outside! I know it sounds kinda dumb but I mean it! Some of my best days started with just going outside, reading a book and or listening to music. I went out and tanned, ate some fruit with some lemonade and read “Girl Wash Your Face” it was a great book! I would spend HOURS and it helped me so much! Take a walk, hike, etc.! This leads into the next thing…READING! I recently bought the new book “don’t believe everything you think” and the workbook and it is amazing! This also applies to reading your Bible and other books, specially ones targeting self help and things like that! Another thing is fitness! Try out the gym, I know there is days that you just can’t bring yourself to get up but in those days, make yourself go to the gym! Even if you just go walk on the treadmill or bike! Anything is better than nothing! Keep yourself active, I promise it will make you feel better! Find a good podcast! I have been listening to (The OCD Stories on Spotify), sometimes I’ve even listened while I was going to sleep and let it play through the night! Go on YouTube and follow Chrissie Hodges, NOCD and look for other people who help! Go on instagram and follow Chrissie Hodges, NOCD, iocdf, sincerelyocd, recoverocd, letstalk.ocd, my lovely ocd and there are so many more! Find good music! Again I’m going to bring up worship music some of my favs being ( I Thank God, Move of God, Hard fought Hallelujah, The Truth, Made for more, Thy Will, and there is so many more!) if you would like I can share my playlist! But overall music is so helpful and if you are not a believer or want something different I would recommend songs by Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Kesha, Rihanna, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, even Billy Joel, Queen, Beck, and things of that nature that are gonna get you PUMPED UP! Lastly, hang out with PEOPLE! Don’t let OCD rule your life, put your ocd in a box best you can and go live your life! Get lunch with a friend, join a bible study, go get a massage, even just meet up with a friend and talk in a parking lot while shoving your face with fast food! You NEED interaction as much as you don’t want to! I know some of these are hard, some is triggering or you’re nervous that you’re gonna spiral, but step out of your comfort zone! That’s the way to get better! Do things that make you feel uncomfortable, the things that are unknown, the things you used to do before this! You can still live and love your life you don’t have to keep just “surviving”! And this isn’t a fix all, trust me I still have my days where I’m like nope I’m staying in bed and crying, but you need to push yourself! No one is coming to hold your hand and walk you out of this, you have to want to help yourself too! And you can do that! I know it’s scary and uncomfortable but you got this! We’re gonna kick some OCD butt! I hope you find this helpful and I wish you the most luck! Comment if you have questions and whatnot! 🫶
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