Guys. I’m up and down at the moment but I’m still trying to fight this illness in the right way. I may need support from others - NOT REASSURANCE - just support. I was thinking: I may write short exposures here for my themes to really expose myself. It may also encourage others to face their Goliath! And that would make me so happy ? Who’s with me??

Right POCD: I am bathing my son, and I completely lose control and can’t handle this sudden dark desire to be intimate with him. I push and fight but I lose all control and a terrible dark desire over takes me. I start touching him in places I shouldn’t, I get really aroused and before I know it I’m molesting him in every way imaginable. I can no longer deny my impulses and that I have an UNCONTROLLABLE urge to repeat the cycle of abuse like it was done to me. I have to live with this knowledge I have caused insidious damage to my own child, and I live a life full of self hatred and loathing. I have become my very worst nightmare and the thing I hate most - a sexual predator

It's rough, but you did it! From now on it will get easier each time you do it. Here's mine for emetophobia: It is 11:47 PM and I am laying in bed awake, just as I have been for two hours. My stomach begins to churn and I sit up in bed, preparing for the very worst. Suddenly, i am faced with the inability to swallow. I can feel acid quickly rising through my esophagus, forcefully expelling through my mouth. Red liquid with chunks of today's dinner cover my shirt, my bed, and myself. The smell is excruciating, and the vile burns my throat.

Skills. I’d rather have images of vomiting than skullfucking my kid though:) I will do sexual next!

Can I join you guys???? This idea is great!! I think you two are very brave.

Aye! Responsibility, relationship, paedophile, sexual, harm! All five and then a biggie that incorporates ALL OF THEM!

Tell you what: I’ll do one now in this thread! You do one straight after. Deal?

God..............these are not. Nice. At all

You fucking bet you can join!! We’re doing this. Fuck this condition, fuck its bills hit, fuck it’s bullying tactics, fucks it’s shame, fuck it’s thievery if self belief and self esteem. FUCK. IT!!! Let us know you theme(s) and do it here.

Right: Sexual OCD. It’s back! The bad thoughts! The performance anxiety! The failure as a man. The nasty thoughts of unnatural sex. I start to fear sex again, because I’m too afraid to fail to to see the bad images my brain shows me. Despite my best intentions, my wife and I make love. During the act, I start to panic as I see horrible thoughts of my children, or my family being engaged in sexual acts with me. I try too hard to block out the images and kill my libido and erection in the process. We try again and now I have become obsessed with having sex, and have started watching lots of porn again. I try not to emulate the fast and ‘exciting’ sex seen there but it’s the only way I can get through and ‘be a man’. My wife knows EXACTLy what this means. The thoughts are back, and I’m acting. She feels no intimacy and I have slipped again into sexual obsession. I have to always prove myself sexually - to prove I am a man. Because I am a failure.

These are equally painful and liberating.

Next up will be responsibility! After you guys though?

Ok Gloria: Do another theme. Muni - you follow. Then I do responsibility (which is an old theme but has been problematic)

What do you mean for your themes? Anyways, I'm down for it.

Heck yeah I'll do that for mine. Kind of like a worry script??

Deal.

Okay, so my main obsessions are existential ocd questions, especially regarding reality, and having a heart attack because of too much stress. Now I have to go to bed (it’s nighttime here in Europe) but I’ll do it tomorrow!!

Oops. I forgot to say my themes. I have emetophobia, harm, suicidal, contamination, and counting OCD. And some sexual but not a main one currently.

I'm not sure if I should post about my other themes because they may be very triggering for other individuals??

It’s up to you but we have to do it if we are gonna face fears. If people do get triggered........isn’t that the point?

I'll write them individually, but I'm not going to post them. I fear they could trigger depression and I don't want it to be too graphic for people. I'm down to keep posting my emetophobia ones, though!

@muni - are you still doing an exposure?