- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Right POCD: I am bathing my son, and I completely lose control and can’t handle this sudden dark desire to be intimate with him. I push and fight but I lose all control and a terrible dark desire over takes me. I start touching him in places I shouldn’t, I get really aroused and before I know it I’m molesting him in every way imaginable. I can no longer deny my impulses and that I have an UNCONTROLLABLE urge to repeat the cycle of abuse like it was done to me. I have to live with this knowledge I have caused insidious damage to my own child, and I live a life full of self hatred and loathing. I have become my very worst nightmare and the thing I hate most - a sexual predator
- Date posted
- 6y
It's rough, but you did it! From now on it will get easier each time you do it. Here's mine for emetophobia: It is 11:47 PM and I am laying in bed awake, just as I have been for two hours. My stomach begins to churn and I sit up in bed, preparing for the very worst. Suddenly, i am faced with the inability to swallow. I can feel acid quickly rising through my esophagus, forcefully expelling through my mouth. Red liquid with chunks of today's dinner cover my shirt, my bed, and myself. The smell is excruciating, and the vile burns my throat.
- Date posted
- 6y
Skills. I’d rather have images of vomiting than skullfucking my kid though:) I will do sexual next!
- Date posted
- 6y
Can I join you guys???? This idea is great!! I think you two are very brave.
- Date posted
- 6y
Aye! Responsibility, relationship, paedophile, sexual, harm! All five and then a biggie that incorporates ALL OF THEM!
- Date posted
- 6y
Tell you what: I’ll do one now in this thread! You do one straight after. Deal?
- Date posted
- 6y
God..............these are not. Nice. At all
- Date posted
- 6y
You fucking bet you can join!! We’re doing this. Fuck this condition, fuck its bills hit, fuck it’s bullying tactics, fucks it’s shame, fuck it’s thievery if self belief and self esteem. FUCK. IT!!! Let us know you theme(s) and do it here.
- Date posted
- 6y
Right: Sexual OCD. It’s back! The bad thoughts! The performance anxiety! The failure as a man. The nasty thoughts of unnatural sex. I start to fear sex again, because I’m too afraid to fail to to see the bad images my brain shows me. Despite my best intentions, my wife and I make love. During the act, I start to panic as I see horrible thoughts of my children, or my family being engaged in sexual acts with me. I try too hard to block out the images and kill my libido and erection in the process. We try again and now I have become obsessed with having sex, and have started watching lots of porn again. I try not to emulate the fast and ‘exciting’ sex seen there but it’s the only way I can get through and ‘be a man’. My wife knows EXACTLy what this means. The thoughts are back, and I’m acting. She feels no intimacy and I have slipped again into sexual obsession. I have to always prove myself sexually - to prove I am a man. Because I am a failure.
- Date posted
- 6y
These are equally painful and liberating.
- Date posted
- 6y
Next up will be responsibility! After you guys though?
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok Gloria: Do another theme. Muni - you follow. Then I do responsibility (which is an old theme but has been problematic)
- Date posted
- 6y
What do you mean for your themes? Anyways, I'm down for it.
- Date posted
- 6y
Heck yeah I'll do that for mine. Kind of like a worry script??
- Date posted
- 6y
Deal.
- Date posted
- 6y
Okay, so my main obsessions are existential ocd questions, especially regarding reality, and having a heart attack because of too much stress. Now I have to go to bed (it’s nighttime here in Europe) but I’ll do it tomorrow!!
- Date posted
- 6y
Oops. I forgot to say my themes. I have emetophobia, harm, suicidal, contamination, and counting OCD. And some sexual but not a main one currently.
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm not sure if I should post about my other themes because they may be very triggering for other individuals??
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s up to you but we have to do it if we are gonna face fears. If people do get triggered........isn’t that the point?
- Date posted
- 6y
I'll write them individually, but I'm not going to post them. I fear they could trigger depression and I don't want it to be too graphic for people. I'm down to keep posting my emetophobia ones, though!
- Date posted
- 6y
@muni - are you still doing an exposure?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Specifically how can my fiance best support me without offering reassurance? I'm trying to encourage myself to grow and keep trying ERP, but I'm not sure how I can include my partner in a healthy way. I plan on talking to my therapist about it soon, but I wanted to hear thoughts from people who have been dealing with it themselves.
- Date posted
- 21w
It’s been 4 years. 4 years since I spiralled into a world controlled by rituals of 4, it started as 2, then 3, then 4 - my safe number. The amount of times I wash my hands after touching something dirty and how many repeats it takes until I feel ‘clean’, the amount of taps I make when closing doors to make sure I don’t ‘die’, the amount of times I rinse cutlery and plates before eating off them, the amount of times I disinfect things. My OCD subtype is contamination and I know 2020 lockdowns and the pandemic caused it to spiral but what started as a small ritual quickly became bigger until I no longer remembered what my life was like without the obsessive thoughts of germs and contamination. Could that person be ill? What if I go outside to the shops and someone makes me sick? You can’t answer the door to get that package from the delivery driver because he might make you sick, oh you can’t put the shopping away without disinfecting it first - what if someone has coughed on it? ‘I’ve got to wear gloves to do that’ I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. For 4 years I’ve lived like this, the ‘I don’t want to touch that’ or ‘I can’t go to this place because I don’t want to get ill and die’ ‘can you go do that for me as I don’t think I can right now’ - I know my OCD is irrational, I know the likelihood of those things actually happening are slim to none and I know my OCD stems from a need of control in my life because for so many years I felt like everything in my life was out of my control. But no matter how much I know of how many books I read, how many mindful practices I do the panic I feel after being ‘exposed’ or before exposing myself to a trigger is horrible. I’ve avoided and avoided and avoided to the point where something small now seems and feels like an impossible mountain to climb. It often feels like there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel on the dark days, when I know there is, it’s just going to take some time. Despite this on the outside to those not in my circle my life is a whole picture perfect painting. I run my own business, have a nice car, a nice house, a happy relationship and the of best friends and I’m so grateful for all those things but the reality is much different - behind closed doors and hidden in the closest is the OCD monster. I’ve decided now, after 4 years it’s time to change. I’m breaking the cycle and starting anew. The irony that 4 is my safe number too and it’s been 4 years since things started to get dark. I’m ready to lose control and find myself again. Why am I writing this? Honestly, I really don’t know. I found this app recently and hope it can be a help for my ERP practices I’ve been practicing on my own and it’s actually the first time I’ve ever openly posted or spoken about my OCD to date. For years I have lived with a huge amount of shame and embarrassment, hiding my issues from everyone - even my closest friends have no idea how much it impacts my day to day. I’ve felt shame as I can’t control my own mind despite knowing the thoughts are irrational and the rituals only provide temporary relief but each day again and again the safety blanket of the rituals wraps me up and takes over. The only person who truly knows how much it affects me is my partner, who has been by my side through it all, he’s burnt out and has seen first hand the impact it has had on me, my life and my happiness. I’ve sheltered him as much as I can, but I’m sure those who are in relationships with OCD can relate to the burnout their partner feels day in day out. So that’s my story, I hope those going through similar can take comfort in this and know they aren’t alone in it all as my OCD has made me feel so incredibly lonely, isolated and empty for 4 years too long. It feels freeing to finally share my monster and I hope I can connect with others who are on a similar journey to me. The biggest thing I want to be able to do again? I want to be able to hug my loved ones without feeling triggered, I want to go outside and enjoy life without worry, I want to live again. This app has made me feel seen for the first time in a long time and reading your stories, your experiences and how you’re coping is comforting, encouraging and makes me feel less alone ❤️ thank you for reading x
- Date posted
- 20w
I’ve been in an OCD loop for a month now and Im struggling so much alone, no one in my family get what Im going through and are just ignoring me, and I got no friends to tell Im stuck in this cycle and it feels like Im lonely in a dark place, Im writing this right now cuz u guys know the struggle, if it’s okay can u please leave a comment so I don’t feel alone in this, can u please share tips and advice so I can go through this, I feel like Im losing it
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