I'm beginning to feel that real event OCD is something that's much harder to tackle on here for people including myself. I'm frantically switching from being okay with my past mistakes to not being okay with the mistakes at all. I've posted about these mistakes and I was told that I could just move on from the mistakes from people on here and friends online. I even enlisted in extensive research saying that my mistakes really are mistakes. It's complicated. I feel I'd be better if my mind just stuck to one perspective and kept it that way.

sfgal88

Date posted: 5y

Well first, definitely stop researching. And second, the past is just that. Past. No amount of parsing or ruminating can change it and no amount of evidence-seeking will leave you sure enough. So give yourself permission to stop trying to move on; move forward instead. The difference is in the power you allow mistakes to have on your life. It’s ok to not be ok. And I can say confidently that all themes look easier from the outside, but honestly, they all freaking suck =)

BigGyro09

Date posted: 5y

I never wanted these mistakes to have power. Most of them were when I was in my teen years. I'm just so disgusted with the mistakes mainly. I don't want to give them power, I don't want to think about them, and I just want to accept that like all human beings everyone makes mistakes and no one is freaking perfect. I guess it's so hard to accept self forgiveness because of how different I am today compared to before. I also feel like uncertainty will mean only the worst things will happen to me and I'm the worst person ever. Fuck, I just don't know

sfgal88

Date posted: 5y

@BigGip09 Of course you don’t want to think about them. But it’s a core principle that the harder you fight to not think about it, the more you will. Having power over your past doesn’t mean just accepting your imperfections. OCD is fundamentally opposed to acceptance. Believe me, if it was that easy, we’d all have been cured by now. But instead, you have power over the thoughts by deciding not to do anything with them. Don’t try to block them out, don’t try to rationalize, and don’t mull them over. Just let them sit there. They will go away eventually. I know it sounds like the hardest thing in the world, and it’s definitely close, but you can do it.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 5y

@sfgal88 What am I going to do? How long will this take? Are the thoughts really that serious? Am I supposed to just sit there and let the thoughts get to me even if I don't want them to? Is this what ERP is? Why me? I hate that we all have to go through this. I really do. It's so unfair

BigGyro09

Date posted: 5y

I didn't think of it until now, but I think I also have a really bad case of unhealthy perfectionism. I'm so scared of doing anything that will cause a mistake because of the mistakes I'm recently ruminating over. I'm always uncertain about these mistakes but I want to be certain. Even when I feel like I am I'm not

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5y

Comment deleted by user

BigGyro09

Date posted: 5y

@Anonymous You're really nice. Thank you. Maybe loneliness is part of this feeling too

sfgal88

Date posted: 5y

It’s hellish. And unfair. Don’t focus on how long it will take. Just hold onto hope that it won’t always be this way. ERP is sitting with the discomfort and being ok. You can ignore the thoughts without trying to smother them. Say to yourself, “Ok, my brain is thinking about it. It’ll pass. And I’ll be ok still.” Find other things to think about, things that ground you. I promise you, the harder you try not to think them the stronger they get. And if you dive into the thoughts, you’ll ruminate endlessly to try and get them sorted. You’ll never feel sure enough, but that’s just the bad wiring we all live with. It’s hard, but you CAN do this.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 5y

This is so difficult, it really is. There's different triggers that are around and some are stronger than others, but at the end of the day they feel so damn real. It feels like the second I think about it it's going to happen and I'm going to be punished for something. That's why the thoughts never fully go away. But maybe you're right I'm always thinking the thoughts and even if they really make me uncomfortable I do end up being okay. Maybe I have to keep this in mind or something

Heello

Date posted: 5y

I am on the same

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