- Username
- asdfghj
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You seem pretty well read up on the issue which is actually a really good thing. I share the view that there's a huge difference between being some kind of way that you can't help, and your actions. A lot of people with POCD don't feel able to come to terms with that fact/that issue in the way we view pedophiles as a society and I suspect that keeps them locked in their OCD for much longer than necessary. Black and white thinking is not helpful for any of us. Having intrusive thoughts is really normal. People without OCD have them, we're only different in that we respond to them with argument/pushing them away/self reassurance. A lot of us respond intensely to intrusive thoughts or images because we have issues with shame and everything already feels like an attack a lot of the time, and low self esteem adds more doubt. Some of us pride ourselves on our moral compass and acceptability in society so it makes us feel accused. Regardless of why we feel particularly triggered by intrusive thoughts, it's the way we respond to them which makes them come back repeatedly- our brains are designed for survival so if we treat something like a threat, our amygdalas keep reminding us of it in an attempt to keep us safe. So no, intrusive POCD thoughts don't have any relationship to whether a person is or isn't a paedophile. Most people have experienced them, and most people feel uncomfortable for a minute and move on and forget about it. I get harm OCD thoughts which go "what if a mole came out of that molehill and you kicked it?". There isn't something to it, I'm not deep down a mole-kicker who chooses to not kick koles. That's absurd. It's not happening because I'm a bad person, it's happening because my brain knows what kinds of things tend to scare me and it's trying to make me prepared and run through scenarios all the time to get me to behave in ways that keep me safe. It's not your fault that you have a hypervigilant brain anymore than mine is my fault. If you tend to feel like you're a bad person underneath it all and that's part of the fuel for your OCD, then I really recommend reading about the concept of 'toxic shame'.
So, how do you suggest those working through this theme proceed and "kick it" so to speak?
Thank you so much for this indepth reply. I do have other OCD themes that are way worse and coupled with experienced trauma. These I spend the most time on and have realizied "its OCD" and that ERP is the only way. Breaking the avoidance habit is hell but necessary. But with this, even though less of a problem (the other stuff have ruined my life completely) seems so easy to just avoids. I dont have to have sex. I dont have to be around my friends with kids. And a part of me feels like I cant risk this because it will harm others. Kind of like not cooking for others cause what if I accidentally kill them. While exposures where I cook for myself or stand close to traintracks is okay because even if its scary as hell... im not hurting everyone else. Plus even if its shameful to have OCD about all the other stuff, I guess other people could tolerate me for that. But I dont think my friend would tolerate me for having obsessive thoughts about HER child which makes me think I should just leave them alone. Dont know if this makes sense?
Lol I get some what similar thoughts like “am I talking to this person because they have a lil sibling?” Or “do I wanna hang out with this person because they have a lil sibling and I wanna see them?” It’s funny but also stupid how I fall for it and believe it
Yeah! I mean I can see its ridiculous when you write it. But when I think it of myself Im worried I should stop visiting my friend because what if im accidentaly insppropriate towards her child. And actually I should not be friensds wtih parents alltogether cause im a disgusting person. And I should never get my own children!
@asdfghj YESSS YESS I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUUU I FEEL THE SAME WAY
@anonynon And its kind of an easy thing to avoid... But I dont want that! So glad im starting up with an OCD specialist soon. This is all so ridiculous... but ... its just that: WHAT IF!!! 🤢🙊
The difference of it actually being pedophilic is that they want those thoughts, they find comfort in them and they don’t see them as wrong. Pedophiles don’t feel intense anxiety and shame with their thoughts, they may feel wrong about them because of what society says, but not because of their own morals. They also find pleasure in these, even if they do feel ashamed of it. They still find them pleasurable, where as people with POCD find them absolutely tormenting. That’s the difference.
I found an article on NOCDs website about the difference and it said pedophiles also feel intense shame. And that people with pedophile ocd could get groinal responses to thinking of it that started more worry and compulsing.
@asdfghj You're right about this, most pedophiles are ashamed, and MV01 isn't quite fully understanding the issue. Shame is a social emotion, morals come from society and differ between societies. When you were a baby you weren't embarassed about crapping yourself in front of company, you grew up and learned what isn't considered acceptable, and those became your morals. To feel shame about something is to see yourself negatively through society's eyes. Most paedophiles are ashamed about it because of what society says *and* their own morals- they see it as wrong, because those are one and the same thing. Paedophiles who *didn't* internalise the moral messages of society about paedopilia being unacceptable (due to e.g. having the attraction since a young age, or not ever hearing much about it or being told about it, or being abused or exposed to it since childhood and thus it's normalised), may feel *stigmatised* by society (and be potentially angry or upset about this), but do not feel ashamed. Those are generally the ones who act on it, as they may not see it as wrong. So yeah, paedophiles are human too, they can often see their preferences as wrong in the eyes of society and themselves, and so they're ashamed. But as MV01 said, all paedophiles find them pleasurable and know this fact- not from anxiously checking their responses or rifling through their memories or analysing why they think about it. They know very, very well that they choose to think about it because they enjoy it, even if that then triggers shame. They're tormented in a very different way to someone with POCD. Their dilemma is the cognitive dissonance between the unquestionable fact that they like it and the fact that they see it as wrong, plus whatever other messages they've internalised from society about pedophiles being subhuman by their very existence. The POCD struggle is a struggle with facts and doubts.
@Scoggy This was incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Need some advice here as I feel like such a sick twisted person..I feel like I may have sexual intrusive thoughts ocd but sometimes I think it’s just me and my twisted brain- intrusive thoughts about my family members has turned into pedophilia ocd and what makes it worse is that I work with children. Lately I’ve been seeing sexual intrusive images of me sexually abusing young children normally male, and I am obviously distressed by them and I would never act on that but it makes me feel like I would actually do that cause of the feeling I would get and it’s all so confusing and scary cause I would never do that to a child. Please someone help that has maybe been through a similar experience?
Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent
i need help, if ANYONE can give me guidance PLEASE. I NEED IT. im a minor, i cannot tell my parents about these intrusive thoughts im having, so i cant get a therapist, nor can i get diagnosed. im scared i am a pedophile. i experienced a groinal feeling a couple days ago when i saw a picture of a little kid. I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS A KID AT FIRST, but i freaked out. i freaked you guys. i even unfollowed the account i saw the picture of the young cchild on. im so scared that i am a pedophile. i cant live like this. what if i am but im i denial? i cant do it. ive experienced something like this before. i had a thought and obsessed about it about it. but i even think back, what if i wasnt obsessing? i was constantly online looking for answer for the thought. i was constantly confessing the thought to my ex (the thoughts were about him) and im just terrified. AND THEN, I HAVE THOUGHTS THAT SAY “you are a p*do and thats okay” BUT I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. I DONT WANT TO THINK LIKE THAT. i just want to be a normal teen. i wanna be worry free. i dont want to be a pedo. i wannt be happy. please any guidance you can give me i need it. does it sound like POCD to the people who have experienced OCD? or am i in denial. i cant live with myself being a pedo.
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