Ok, after 4 years I've come to the conclusion that I'm the most comfortable with the bisexual label. But nonetheless I still have the urge to constantly be re-checking the gender of the people I like,or find pretty/attra tive. Bc I'm worried I'm just pretending. And its so relative, bc somedays I find pretty guys on the internet and other days some cute girls and you can't really conclude anything from such ever-changing data, could 'ya? Hahs But...its been 4 years, right??? I wish it was enough to realize that it wasnt pretending but ugh trying to analyze yourself is such a hard and subjective task. It's getting better, and having self-assertion is super important and it's been really helping me. Not just on this, but in a lot of areas. But I wanted to know if anyone is going through something similar to try and get their point of view

It's a bit different with me, but still similar. I really love women's curves but have a phobia of the female genital. I just told my therapist about it and she was like *I gotta think about this for a bit*. Although whenever I spent time alone with a girl I found to be attractive, I had real problems to hide my boner. And since I grew up homophobic I often feel as that I could not access the love I can have for men. One girl that I was really into told me that I don't have to decide. And from that I took a bit of rest. Knowing that if I am in the actual situation to either sleep with a guy or a girl, I can shit on the homophobic thought patterns that I couldn't kick out yet, but also assess whether my sexual desire to have sex with a girl is bigger than my phobia of vaginas.

I agree with you marcospgp, I felt the same way. Like maybe if I’m bi then I won’t have to worry about the hocd but in actuality I don’t want to be bi, i want to be straight but just have anxiety about being bi that’s why I’m not going to settle with that.

Phew. Your comment has been stuck in my head since I read it, marcospgp. I know that you are partially right. I have to talk to my therapist about this. I kinda hate how you make it seem so absolute. By absolute I mean if labeling myself as homosexual is the best option to start with, you're still forgetting about what I stated above regarding my interactions with women (boner). I really hate your argumentation. Because, like I said, you're partially right - and disagreeing is a common sign of my aggression towards those who touch my wounds, but also because your viewpoint seems to consist of two extremes.

Yea, you're right but I'm gonna learn to negotiate lesser by taking it slow and do it in babysteps. It's something I'm working on right now with my therapist. Oh and regarding the extreme, just think about little steps one can take to be less afraid of their own orientation. Claiming you are homosexual to your whole environment is definitely not the first one. And I'm gonna emphasize this, only taking big steps is not the only right action one can take. I had zero motivation to recover when I thought I'd have to go from 100% of comfort to 100% risk. It helped me tons to do exposures in tiny steps. My therapist even recently told me I made half a years progress in just 3 weeks. I think it just pisses me off that you didn't incorporate that into what you wrote. However your still right. That's the goal. For me that's not being scared of being homosexual and put myself into the uncertainty without neutralising what I feel but assessing it with healthy techniques. I get so easily pissed off when people talk the way you do. But thank you for your honesty, I mean it. I might understand the way you chose your words much better as I progress in this aspect of my life.

I think you're not doing the right thing by settling for a bisexual label. You're avoiding the discomfort and trying to escape the anxiety, that's how OCD is keeping you under control. You should seek professional help. But for a start I would suggest labeling yourself homosexual and facing the fear and anxiety involved with that. That's how you go about treating OCD, you can't negotiate it. Please trust me in this, and seek a professional experienced in OCD, and CBT/ERP.

I guess you have a good point. But being bisexual doesn't just mean avoiding finding out ones true orientation. My therapist told me that almost everyone could do it with females and males. So being bisexual means to be okay being attracted to both. Figure it out as you go which is difficult when intrusive thoughts cloud ones own judgement and emotions.

I think you're giving in to reassurance, thinking "it's ok if I'm bi, it's normal, I'm definitely not homosexual, just bi, I'm safe". OCD will keep controlling you if you try to seek reassurance. Be brave!

What are the two extremes? I only see one, and perhaps not so extreme, point: pretend you are homosexual and there is nothing you can do about it. That is the kind of thing you have to do if you want to be free of OCD. You can negotiate with it, accept a label of bisexual, or try to go around it in some way. But OCD will be there always making you doubt and you will be scared of male genitalia for the rest of your life. I know it sucks and it's hard, but you have to be strong. Being free from fear is worth it, but you have to pull yourself together and see that you're trying to negotiate with OCD. You're being controlled by fear. No gay person is scared of being gay, at most, they're scared of being accepted. What you're facing is OCD, and fear that is controlling you.

I might have been too harsh with the "being scared for the rest of your life" part. I just want to say that OCD won't let go until you stop avoiding the fear and discomfort. You can take medication, or try other things, but if you work on accepting uncertainty you will be immune to OCD for as long as you live.

@raphael @marcodpgp @Ilovestarts Guys, thanks so much for your replies. I'm sorry I have been so away from the conversation, a little after midday I had to travel and just got wifi again. But, during the whole trip, I've been thinking about all of your opinions and also my situation. Getting to know all of your points of view regarding this matter has been certainly something new to me. Thank you for sharing

During my 5 hour long trip -trying my best to avoid falling into a tedious cycle haha- I've been trying to put into words what I'm feeling. I'm not worried about being bi, in fact I like the possibility of being with either gender and appreciating their qualities and characteristics on a romantic/sexual level. What truly worries me....well, is the fact that my environment is completely anti-gay. So, my OCD comes from the realization that if I'm to pursue a relationship with a girl, a lot of my family life its gonna change and I can't help but feel heartbroken about that. That's when the intrusive thoughts come in and tell me its all been fake and I should just stop and settle with trying to date a guy. With men, I don't even know when I truly find someone attractive bc whenever I see some guy with a cool appearance or doing something badass, mt brain is like "See, you like men. Shut up with the gay stuff" With girls, anytime someone catches my attention for any reason or I think of a past crush of mine, its like "see you do like girls! You are not faking it!" But when the contrary happens and its been a while without finding any woman pretty the "you are lying" worry comes again. In short, my OCD comes from the constant worry if I genuinely like girls or not, bc I really wanna date one -but the risk is to high -, and of overestimating how much I like guys too, bc it feels like its adding up to the "you're faking liking girls" worry. So, yeah I'm bi. I would date and love either. Even if my preference right now is dating a woman. But am I bi enough?? Is it worth it?? And THAT'S the OCD trigger, trying to find the answer :v