!! TW COCD RANT !! my family and i are going away for holiday in about two weeks and i can’t stop thinking about it ,, all i can think about is lying on the used hotel beds covered in bacteria and the bugs surrounding the area - we’re going to a resort and my parents really want me to swim but i literally can’t ! when i imagine the pool i think of all the people who have swam in it and all their unclothed feet covering every inch of space available. i’m going to hopefully bring a sleeping bag from home and stay in that the entire time - we also have to travel on a plane which is even worse :( just thinking about sharing the air with all those strangers makes me want to cry :’((( also we aren’t making food in the resort so we have to go to restaurants to eat which i really can’t handle bc of the shared cutlery. i’m hopefully going to bring stuff from home to prevent panic but i’m afraid that this trip will totally ruin those safe items for me. sorry to write this paragraph but it would really help if u had anything to say which might help my situation in the slightest !!!

I know I keep talking about this and I swear I’m not trying to be annoying but over the weekend I had gotten some new Clorox wipes because I was running low on some at home. I noticed when I came home I still had 2 half full containers left. When I got home everything was fine until I accidentally knocked my setting spray off my bathroom counter. Now mind you I had 2 warts on my foot about 4 months ago and my ocd makes it worse by making me believe the virus is still on the floor. Immediately when it dropped, I cleaned it with a Clorox wipe. This is where it went down hill and my brain started to spiral. After disinfecting my setting spray, I started second guessing if the Clorox I used on it was from the same container I used for the shower floor. I usually wear gloves before getting a Clorox wipe and sometimes I don’t. I was trying to do “ERP” and instead of washing my hands 3x… I just washed it for about 5 seconds . I then put my lipliner and gloss on and now I feel like I contaminated my lipliner. I threw my lipliner in my makeup bag and my makeup bag has a blush brush , hilighter brush and some other makeup stuff. I just wanna throw that whole bag out now. It’s exhausting and this might seem dramatic but I couldn’t get out of bed because all I could think about was everything being contaminated in my bathroom. I leave for Florida in 3 days and I’m freaking out because everything isn’t going how I want it to. I’m just exhausted. I just bought some new Clorox wipes from Kroger and one of the Clorox dropped on the floor and now I think that’s contaminated and now I’m confused which one fell on the floor and which one didn’t. They were next to eachother and I forgot that fast. 😞☹️ Before going to Kroger I felt like god was talking to me or my intuition and telling me don’t get another one. So now my minds making me feel like it dropped on the floor on purpose. Idk know if it’s god talking to me or my ocd. I was sleeping all day because I don’t wanna get up and go in my bathroom and I don’t even wanna put my makeup on because I don’t wanna take a chance of getting a wart on my face. I never did a deep clean after my wart but I have used so much Clorox in the bathroom to just to dinsifect. I’m still nervous to even do a deep clean because I feel like I’m going to pick up the virus or bacteria. Also if there’s any Christian’s reading this I would appreciate just a prayer bc I’m tired and exhausted which I know seems funny from being in my bed all day. But mentally I’m exhausted. I don’t even wanna go to Florida anymore. I know the only way to get a wart is to get it from skin to skin contact. Oh! I almost forgot I had a dentist appt today and this girl was shadowing my dentist and she greeted me and shook my hand. It happned so fast. I didn’t go home right away and wash my hands and I’m freaking out about that too. I’m just overwhelmed . 😞 I know this was long and I appreciate you reading.

As the title says, I’m having a severe breakout while abroad with a friend. It is contamination related and mostly STI related. I am at loss what to do and that ehat I’ve learned I am not able to follow and my intrustive thoughts are going rampant. I am not able tk enjoy my time and I am faking it for my friend. Going back earlier is not an option. What can I do to survive this period? I am not able to distinguish realistic fears from unrealistic ones anymore

I am going to a country I have never been before and am feeling on edge because I will have to face the Airport, a place that causes a lot of germ related anxiety for me and I will inevitably have to use a public bathroom at some point before I reach my hotel room. This is my biggest fear place-made infinitely worse because I am transgender and there has been a massive increase in transphobia and hate crimes related to trans people using public bathrooms.-I know there isn’t much that will help me with that fear but any general advice on traveling especially in unfamiliar areas would be greatly appreciated!