How my OCD is kinda different . Do you guys even know what Perfectionism and Order and Symmetry OCD really is ? . Guys , my OCD was induced into me , I sat in a competition wherein they put the chairs and table neatly and symmetrically , and also furniture ads . I was in 6th grade and since then , this spark of O&S&P OCD was induced into me . But since then , this got moulded into thought OCD . C'mon , whatever I said till know is nothing but a sad story . My P&S&O OCD has moulded into such a thought OCD , that I have used this into Number Theory and some other parts of mathematics . I changed it (partly) into pattern OCD , the fear of not seeing a particular pattern . Pattern OCD is not entirely OCD . Due to this I have an intense dislike for things just not being in a certain way . Like - If I make a tick mark with a pencil , and if isn't sharp , then I stop doing things further and I lose all interest in the universe . What I want to say is use your OCD in a constructive way . Art and OCD can go together for example . I also had this unusual habit of associating events and people with SONGS , although I removed that , but I realised this is similar to placing objects which seem associated/similar to some objects , with them , and BOY did I realise this is a distorted form of pattern and thought OCD . "OCD , how do I even begin with , I have experienced the depths of OCD . OCD in the very core of it , is dangerously beautiful . OCD is related to your ego . OCD is nothing . OCD is nothing but a fear of losing , the very root of OCD , is threat and the fear of losing something" Go deep explore your OCD , play with it , some habits have their very root as fear .

Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?

I never heard about people with OCD who have messy living conditions. Maybe this is why it took so long to accept my diagnosis. Although I really dont like how OCD is percieved at by the majority of people, I feel like Im weird or something because I dont fit into that stereotype. I understand that a lot of people with OCD have this issue, but why do I feel so different? If anybody else has/had this belief, what helps with feeling more comfortable? Everytime my mom points out my room, and how its messy- Its like I feel so lazy and useless. So then I often plan out everything I was going to do, step by step, always having a reasoning behind everything, because logic always comforts me. When I start tidying up my room, I go full out (Sheets, Laundry, Clorox, Candles, Vaccuming, Then I start going through the guinea pigs cage to rearranging all of their stuff) Yet always somewhere after doing a few things, I start feeling disgusting and almost shameful of myself. 99% of the time I end up laying on my floor sobbing, noting every little thing about my room. How my furiniture doesnt match, how i would rather have solid floor like hardwood or vinyl instead of the carpet, usually things i cant change… and then barely anything gets done in my room. I start to have a meltdown and often dont take care of myself even more afterwards. A piece of me feels like my thoughts are just me being a spoiled brat and wanting everything i dont have- meanwhile others dont even have a roof over their head. The other piece of me is just tired, just emotionally exaughsted. Please comment any thoughts or recomendations to maybe improve motovation and attitude towards doing long tasks.

I haven't been able to read about experiences similar to mine when it comes to my perfectionism OCD so I was wondering if anyone had any "uncommon" experiences.