Hello everyone this is my first time writing on here and I’m really scared to even say something because I have never had proper help with ocd or been diagnosed but I’ve been dealing with severe ocd since 2017 now. I just want to get better but it feels like there is no way out at times. My most common are sexual thoughts or pocd or ocd related to my family, sexual or harm. Yesterday my niece was at my house and I adore her to bits but over the past year I’ve become very distant with her and I don’t like hugging her or touching her or just being close to her. It makes my heart break because she is everything to me and I have to push her away when she comes to hug me. Yesterday I tried to get over it and play with her again so I hugged her and sat by her side with my head on her shoulder but a sudden urge came into my mind and it was so disgusting. I kept thinking I would touch her inappropriately or without her consent and that thoughts just took over my mind. This will sound so stupid but my thumb or fist was on her back and I had a thought that it was wrong to touch her so I pulled away but the thoughts came rushing back and I let my fist be placed in that same position again. I feel so disgusted I know it’s nothing and this sounds completely insane but I feel like I’ve done something disgusting and touched her in a inappropriate way and I havent been able to get over it because it feels like I let the thoughts win and they made me do it? What if it isn’t ocd? I’m feeling like I just can’t get through the night please tell me if real event ocd happens to you guys and how to deal with it? Is this ocd or am I just this disgusting person who did something to her? I keep replaying the moment in my head but all of it is fuzzy and I can rationalize it. I just feel disgusting.

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

WARNING: POCD I need to know your thoughts... I'm panicking and feeling horrible This is probably one of the first events that made me wonder if I was a "p". (I'm female, 20s) Two years ago, in the summer, I went to a friend's house and I met her younger sister (8, at the time). She was very sweet and adorable and I liked her so much! She showed me her toys and she was always around me... I feared I was feeling some sort of attraction to her... And now that I am recalling the event, I'm getting so afraid that this attraction was, in fact, real. I'm on the verge of tears right now ... Because it was so strong... Believe me, this felt like attraction. I'm thinking about her as I'm writing this and I'm remembering the warm feeling I experienced (like I was developing a crush) - I just want to cry because I don't want to be a "p". I spent the whole day in panic and wondering If I was "p" and if I was attracted to her. I tried to dismiss the thoughts and enjoy the day. I've always wanted a little sister and one day (at that time), I wanted to have a daughter someday. I've played with her and talked with her. Later that day, we went to the pool and I played with her again and even gave her piggyback rides (which now, I know it was a mistake - because I am getting flawed (false) memories that I touched her butt but I'm almost sure that I only touched her legs when giving the piggyback rides but I'm afraid that I touched her butt on purpose too to be deviant! I feel like I would be capable of doing such a awful thing). I remember enjoying her company and wanting to be more time with her... But now I'm so scared that I had bad intentions, because "p" people want to be around children. I feel like there was more than "having a child/sister for a day" because of my strong feelings for this girl. I regreted this whole dayAnd when I went back to her house, I avoided the child at all costs. What do I do?? I feel so hopeless... I am crying like crazy, not knowing what to do. I feel like a "p". I am so scared that I was attracted to her and now I have this new false memory that scares me... Please help me... I'm in despair..This particular story weights on me. I'm reviewing it over and over (taking the false memory off) and I don't think I did anything wrong BUT I cant help but to feel uncertain about it... Even if I didnt do anything wrong, I still feel bad for not avoiding it. I felt like a "p" the whole day... I had these intrusive thoughts the whole day... Yet, I wanted to be near the child and play with her?? I was trying to dismiss my thoughts - I tried to fight them! but I can't help to feel that what I did was predatory! Or wrong! I have been crying so much about this subject... I have high morals... And everytime an adult plays with a child is usually a "p" or a predator... I am so afraid that my "desire" to be with this child was an indicator that I'm a p or a bad person in general. Please... I want to know your opinions (I also have another question. I also felt "dirty" all day. Are all of these symptoms normal in ocd? Do people with ocd can like being with children? Are even these questions making sense?) I can't help to reinforce this! I felt terrible afterwards - I regret it so much... I felt dirty during that event, after that event and even today! This was my first time (or one of the first times) dealing with with pocd... I thought it was my brain trying to get me... So I tried to fight it! But... I feel like shit for not avoiding her... I'm so afraid I actually felt attraction for her because it was so strong the affection I experienced for her... I feel like a p... I'm so done...

I feel like I am going insane. My ocd has never been this bad before. I’m waking up every morning with extreme dehabilitating anxiety. I am gagging and using the restroom all of the time. My pocd has reached an all time high. I work in a law firm and read a very disturbing case involving child abuse and child pornography. Ever since my world has been twisted upside down. I feel like the line is so thin. Like anyone can cross it in a split second and their world can be flipped upside down in an instant. I have a daughter of my own and that night after having read that story at work, my intrusive thoughts and feelings were at an all time high. I was changing her diaper and had intrusive thoughts which I knew was going to, givin the triggering and emotionally draining day I had. I quickly pushed them out of my head and then what happened next is some what of a blur because I have spent the last five days ruminating it over and over and over again in my head. I was trying to get her to lay down in her crib and she kept standing up. I was gonna lay her down in a way that required me to maneuver her with one hand and that one hand would be in between her legs, over her clothes and her diaper. I see people carry and handle their babies like this all of the time but I always avoid it. This time I didn’t. I fought the compulsion to move my hand. Because it is in fact, not a sexual thing at all. But in my mind I had it made out to be. I remember moving her super quickly in that fashion and immediately feeling guilt like I did it in a malicious sexual way. Even though the movement itself is not sexual at all, because it has been in my mind forever as a sexual place I’ve always avoided it. I was attempting to fight the compulsion and now as a result because I didn’t move my hand, I feel like I have done something horrible. I feel so guilty. All because of a quick 5 second movement. I keep imagining me without my daughter, going to jail, her not having me, my family disowning me. I can’t handle the immense amount of emotional distress I am feeling because of this event. I keep feeling like I could’ve moved her in a different way, why did I have to move Her in the way that required my hand to be between her legs? Was it me trying to somehow act out on the intrusive thoughts I had previously? I am so torn apart by this. I would never ever intentionally hurt my baby. Ever. My biggest fear is her being abused. In an attempt to stand up to my ocd and desexualize that specific action, it has launched me into the worst ocd episode of my life.