My husband says he wants a divorce because I ask too many questions. But I think he's manipulating me to make me feel that I'm unlovable. I'm a good wife and I treat him very well. I just have these episodes where I feel unsure about us or I worry that he he feelings for someone else. He has no patience for me during these times and says horrible things. Is this all my fault? I'm feeling like such a failure that maybe no one will love me. I know I've been very good to him though and I feel so confused.

You can be loved. But if you’re not willing to love yourself by managing and working on yourself then yes it makes it more difficult. I asked my boyfriend almost everyday if he loved me, wanted to be with me, wanted to be married. And I wasn’t taking care of myself or my OCD and it eventually made him so depressed bc he felt so guilty anytime he left me bc I would spiral and I became so reliant on him. It’s so important to take responsibility for our actions even if it’s not something we are doing intentionally

Thank you. I should mention that I've been taking an herbal supplement which has helped and I have improved over the last few months. I've taken responsibility for my part in it. I just want him to meet me half way.

Yes I've been able to process through some of the questions I have on my own. This is why it's so hurtful that he can't be more understanding if I have a bad day once in awhile

What’s the herb that’s helped you?

I think its wrong of your husband to express he wants a divorce if he doesn't actually mean he wants a divorce. I'm young, 22, but right now I'm in a relationship 1 yr 8 months where I ask do you love me i think everyday and they always say yes they love me ofcourse I love you. I'm always saying I love you so I can hear it back And I'll get to hear "I'll never leave you" without me asking for it sometimes and thats really been a life changer in my life. When I wake up in the morning there's days im cuddled and waking up to them telling me that they love me so much and that I make them happy. there's only been a few times where my compulsiveness was really aggressive and making it sound like I'm not getting enough affection which has lead him to gently state that I was making him feel like he wasn't doing enough and he doesn't think that's fair . For some people, reassurance isn't tiring. For some, it is. Is your love language words of affirmation? Does he compliment you? A healthy partner is a good thing when you're not healthy yourself because your mood swings don't impact them as much because they're able to separate your moods from reality? Does that make sense? I'd hate to advise divorce, I don't know your situation and I want you to be happy. Maybe both of you having counseling would be good so there can be a understanding of what you guys are going through. You're not a failure, insecurity is a few traits out of a thousand great traits you have and that is recognizable. For now, try to distract yourself when you feel compulsed to ask questions with a good TV show or movie. When I feel such a strong urge to ask too much or express distress that I don't think is warranted, I just go and lay next to my partner and cuddle until it can pass if able. I'm not a professional and idk if this is good advice but I wish you well and hope some of this helped.

Thank you whatadooo. You are insightful far beyond your 22 years. It is also hard to separate questions which are valid and warranted from those that are OCD based and don't need to be asked. My husband also gets mad at me for asking questions that I feel a wife should ask her husband. It's unfortunate that he blames my anxiety for every question I ask when sometimes it is normal communication between a wife and husband. He spent the last two days telling me he wanted a divorce. One of those days was my birthday. He essentially "cancelled" my birthday. I finally told him if he wants a divorce he is welcome to go. I told him I was fully at peace with that. I have four pets and already moved to a different state for him to accommodate his job when we were engaged. Since I've already moved for him once and I have pets and it is hard to find rentals that allow pets I think he should be the one to go. After I told him that, he backpeddled and wants to continue trying. This is why I feel like I'm being manipulated because I don't think he was serious about being done, but pretended he was over the course of my birthday and caused a great deal of anxiety and hurt on my part just to punish me. I think this is abusive behavior. I am not a perfect person but I think my good qualities far outweigh my bad. Thank you for putting so much thought and time into your words to me , I really appreciate. It's hard that he knows I have this problem because he tries to blame everything on my OCD issue and in all fairness he has a temper problem too. I'm so lost right now.

The above comment was meant to be a reply to @whatadooo