- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You can be loved. But if you’re not willing to love yourself by managing and working on yourself then yes it makes it more difficult. I asked my boyfriend almost everyday if he loved me, wanted to be with me, wanted to be married. And I wasn’t taking care of myself or my OCD and it eventually made him so depressed bc he felt so guilty anytime he left me bc I would spiral and I became so reliant on him. It’s so important to take responsibility for our actions even if it’s not something we are doing intentionally
- Date posted
- 4y
And I say this from a place of love and understanding ! So please don’t be angry
- Date posted
- 4y
Oops I mean by managing and working on your OCD
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly I agree that you are responsible for needing to take care of yourself in your marriage so as to not drag down your husband or yourself, but also keep in mind you deserve a partner who understands these tough times and can support you through these episodes because with ocd sometimes they’re impossible to avoid. If he’s telling you horrible things and you feel manipulated by these words and actions , don’t solely blame yourself
- Date posted
- 4y
@Pinklotus Yes 100% he should be understanding. But if you aren’t putting in the work to get better it’s a bad look. I wasn’t saying to blame yourself at all. I’m just saying you have to do both. Put in work and have the support
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly No of course ! I was just adding to your point :)
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- 4y
Thank you. I should mention that I've been taking an herbal supplement which has helped and I have improved over the last few months. I've taken responsibility for my part in it. I just want him to meet me half way.
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- 4y
So you’re asking less questions? Bc asking the questions is seeking reassurance which you need to not do in order to get better.
- Date posted
- 4y
But that’s a great start! Erp will help a lot, as well as therapy
- Date posted
- 4y
Sorry one more thing, yes he needs to meet you halfway so together you should come up with a plan? I told my boyfriend so every time I’d ask questions he’d be like I’m not answering that it’s your anxiety talking. If he can’t meet half way then you don’t want to be with a person like that anways bc you deserve love and support
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes I've been able to process through some of the questions I have on my own. This is why it's so hurtful that he can't be more understanding if I have a bad day once in awhile
- Date posted
- 4y
What’s the herb that’s helped you?
- Date posted
- 4y
I think its wrong of your husband to express he wants a divorce if he doesn't actually mean he wants a divorce. I'm young, 22, but right now I'm in a relationship 1 yr 8 months where I ask do you love me i think everyday and they always say yes they love me ofcourse I love you. I'm always saying I love you so I can hear it back And I'll get to hear "I'll never leave you" without me asking for it sometimes and thats really been a life changer in my life. When I wake up in the morning there's days im cuddled and waking up to them telling me that they love me so much and that I make them happy. there's only been a few times where my compulsiveness was really aggressive and making it sound like I'm not getting enough affection which has lead him to gently state that I was making him feel like he wasn't doing enough and he doesn't think that's fair . For some people, reassurance isn't tiring. For some, it is. Is your love language words of affirmation? Does he compliment you? A healthy partner is a good thing when you're not healthy yourself because your mood swings don't impact them as much because they're able to separate your moods from reality? Does that make sense? I'd hate to advise divorce, I don't know your situation and I want you to be happy. Maybe both of you having counseling would be good so there can be a understanding of what you guys are going through. You're not a failure, insecurity is a few traits out of a thousand great traits you have and that is recognizable. For now, try to distract yourself when you feel compulsed to ask questions with a good TV show or movie. When I feel such a strong urge to ask too much or express distress that I don't think is warranted, I just go and lay next to my partner and cuddle until it can pass if able. I'm not a professional and idk if this is good advice but I wish you well and hope some of this helped.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you whatadooo. You are insightful far beyond your 22 years. It is also hard to separate questions which are valid and warranted from those that are OCD based and don't need to be asked. My husband also gets mad at me for asking questions that I feel a wife should ask her husband. It's unfortunate that he blames my anxiety for every question I ask when sometimes it is normal communication between a wife and husband. He spent the last two days telling me he wanted a divorce. One of those days was my birthday. He essentially "cancelled" my birthday. I finally told him if he wants a divorce he is welcome to go. I told him I was fully at peace with that. I have four pets and already moved to a different state for him to accommodate his job when we were engaged. Since I've already moved for him once and I have pets and it is hard to find rentals that allow pets I think he should be the one to go. After I told him that, he backpeddled and wants to continue trying. This is why I feel like I'm being manipulated because I don't think he was serious about being done, but pretended he was over the course of my birthday and caused a great deal of anxiety and hurt on my part just to punish me. I think this is abusive behavior. I am not a perfect person but I think my good qualities far outweigh my bad. Thank you for putting so much thought and time into your words to me , I really appreciate. It's hard that he knows I have this problem because he tries to blame everything on my OCD issue and in all fairness he has a temper problem too. I'm so lost right now.
- Date posted
- 4y
The above comment was meant to be a reply to @whatadooo
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.
- Date posted
- 22w
I have a very persistent confession compulsion. most of the time i confess to my lover, mostly because i have obsessions about our relationship and stuff ( im always terrified I'm treating my lover badly). at times when I confess bc im scared i did something wrong i also tell my lover what my therapist or a friend of ours told me ( usually that i actually didn't do anything wrong and that i should calm down). i think i tell them because im deeply scared in those moments and maybe i do It because im afraid that what im confessing sounds extremely bad and i want to make myself look less of a monster? idk. i don't think i do this to make my lover reply a certain way, like ofc i want them to tell me that everything's fine and i didn't do anything wrong, but i genuinely want to know the truth and if they feel okay or not. i don't care about lies and i think the proof that i genuinely want to know what my lover feels is that even when they reassure me i cant stop thinking about it and wondering if what they tell me is true and i ask them many many times. i also always tell them that if they feel uncomfortable or hurt they can tell me or that they can straight up break up with me. idk if it's manipulation that i say those things because im scared and in some way maybe i want to justify myself
- Date posted
- 22w
Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?
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