- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You can be loved. But if you’re not willing to love yourself by managing and working on yourself then yes it makes it more difficult. I asked my boyfriend almost everyday if he loved me, wanted to be with me, wanted to be married. And I wasn’t taking care of myself or my OCD and it eventually made him so depressed bc he felt so guilty anytime he left me bc I would spiral and I became so reliant on him. It’s so important to take responsibility for our actions even if it’s not something we are doing intentionally
- Date posted
- 4y
And I say this from a place of love and understanding ! So please don’t be angry
- Date posted
- 4y
Oops I mean by managing and working on your OCD
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly I agree that you are responsible for needing to take care of yourself in your marriage so as to not drag down your husband or yourself, but also keep in mind you deserve a partner who understands these tough times and can support you through these episodes because with ocd sometimes they’re impossible to avoid. If he’s telling you horrible things and you feel manipulated by these words and actions , don’t solely blame yourself
- Date posted
- 4y
@Pinklotus Yes 100% he should be understanding. But if you aren’t putting in the work to get better it’s a bad look. I wasn’t saying to blame yourself at all. I’m just saying you have to do both. Put in work and have the support
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly No of course ! I was just adding to your point :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. I should mention that I've been taking an herbal supplement which has helped and I have improved over the last few months. I've taken responsibility for my part in it. I just want him to meet me half way.
- Date posted
- 4y
So you’re asking less questions? Bc asking the questions is seeking reassurance which you need to not do in order to get better.
- Date posted
- 4y
But that’s a great start! Erp will help a lot, as well as therapy
- Date posted
- 4y
Sorry one more thing, yes he needs to meet you halfway so together you should come up with a plan? I told my boyfriend so every time I’d ask questions he’d be like I’m not answering that it’s your anxiety talking. If he can’t meet half way then you don’t want to be with a person like that anways bc you deserve love and support
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes I've been able to process through some of the questions I have on my own. This is why it's so hurtful that he can't be more understanding if I have a bad day once in awhile
- Date posted
- 4y
What’s the herb that’s helped you?
- Date posted
- 4y
I think its wrong of your husband to express he wants a divorce if he doesn't actually mean he wants a divorce. I'm young, 22, but right now I'm in a relationship 1 yr 8 months where I ask do you love me i think everyday and they always say yes they love me ofcourse I love you. I'm always saying I love you so I can hear it back And I'll get to hear "I'll never leave you" without me asking for it sometimes and thats really been a life changer in my life. When I wake up in the morning there's days im cuddled and waking up to them telling me that they love me so much and that I make them happy. there's only been a few times where my compulsiveness was really aggressive and making it sound like I'm not getting enough affection which has lead him to gently state that I was making him feel like he wasn't doing enough and he doesn't think that's fair . For some people, reassurance isn't tiring. For some, it is. Is your love language words of affirmation? Does he compliment you? A healthy partner is a good thing when you're not healthy yourself because your mood swings don't impact them as much because they're able to separate your moods from reality? Does that make sense? I'd hate to advise divorce, I don't know your situation and I want you to be happy. Maybe both of you having counseling would be good so there can be a understanding of what you guys are going through. You're not a failure, insecurity is a few traits out of a thousand great traits you have and that is recognizable. For now, try to distract yourself when you feel compulsed to ask questions with a good TV show or movie. When I feel such a strong urge to ask too much or express distress that I don't think is warranted, I just go and lay next to my partner and cuddle until it can pass if able. I'm not a professional and idk if this is good advice but I wish you well and hope some of this helped.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you whatadooo. You are insightful far beyond your 22 years. It is also hard to separate questions which are valid and warranted from those that are OCD based and don't need to be asked. My husband also gets mad at me for asking questions that I feel a wife should ask her husband. It's unfortunate that he blames my anxiety for every question I ask when sometimes it is normal communication between a wife and husband. He spent the last two days telling me he wanted a divorce. One of those days was my birthday. He essentially "cancelled" my birthday. I finally told him if he wants a divorce he is welcome to go. I told him I was fully at peace with that. I have four pets and already moved to a different state for him to accommodate his job when we were engaged. Since I've already moved for him once and I have pets and it is hard to find rentals that allow pets I think he should be the one to go. After I told him that, he backpeddled and wants to continue trying. This is why I feel like I'm being manipulated because I don't think he was serious about being done, but pretended he was over the course of my birthday and caused a great deal of anxiety and hurt on my part just to punish me. I think this is abusive behavior. I am not a perfect person but I think my good qualities far outweigh my bad. Thank you for putting so much thought and time into your words to me , I really appreciate. It's hard that he knows I have this problem because he tries to blame everything on my OCD issue and in all fairness he has a temper problem too. I'm so lost right now.
- Date posted
- 4y
The above comment was meant to be a reply to @whatadooo
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings that I might be sabotaging myself in my relationship. By sabotage, I mean that I find it hard to stop engaging in compulsions, like seeking reassurance or overanalyzing my thoughts. I also sometimes behave badly with my boyfriend, and the intrusive thoughts I have can completely change my mood. I love my boyfriend—he’s such a good, beautiful, and wonderful person—but I’m afraid these thoughts are going to ruin things. I truly want to love him, but I’m scared. I know the thoughts are anxiety-driven, but they still make me question if I’m forcing myself to stay with him. Today, for example, I felt okay earlier, but when he called me on video, I suddenly felt like I didn’t feel anything, and I started thinking I don’t like how he looks. These thoughts hit me like a wave, and I panicked. Usually, I find him very attractive, but when these thoughts come, I feel sad and disconnected. What’s confusing is that I also have many moments—like today and in the past few days—where I’ve felt really good and I’ve felt love for him. I feel awful writing this because my boyfriend doesn’t deserve this, and I feel like I’m posting out of habit. It makes me scared that I don’t want to accept the truth, even though I know I care about him. I hate feeling this way because it feels like I’m betraying him by having these thoughts and posting them. Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of sabotaging their relationship or feeling like they’re forcing themselves to stay? How do you cope when the thoughts feel like they’re true, and how do you work through the fear of letting go of anxiety
- Date posted
- 16w
My husband suffers from SEVERE ADHD and he claims that he “forgets” whenever I ask him to do something like clean up after himself or pick up his clothes off the floor. But it’s everyday now and we’ve been together for a year going on 2. We also have a 5 month old and I feel like I’m going crazy worrying about my mental health and taking care of the baby AND still having to come home and worry about him. At this point I’m done telling him anything as he sees anything I say as me “attacking” him rather than me just telling him why I’m upset and that this is now affecting my happiness in this relationship. I no longer feel close or want closeness. I’ve also mentioned this to him and he doesn’t take me seriously. “All this, only because I don’t pick up after myself.” I get stressed very easily over the smallest things. I don’t know if I’m at fault and need to seek help for getting mad over small things or if he’s just not mature enough to own up and be responsible for himself(he’s younger than me). Am I overreacting? I’m just a very clean person and can’t stand that he’s a “I’ll clean it later” type of person and forgets. I just don’t feel I’m getting the support of a mature spouse. I want to lean on him and feel like I can’t do that. Like I have to everything myself. Does anyone else feel like this? PLEASE HELP. I’m reaching my limit and feel like I need to break things off.
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ll preface by saying he’s a brutally honest guy who doesn’t feel like there’s anything wrong with being honest. But um… yeah. He says I concentrate on the bad too much instead of all the good. I said I feel the bad is still there lingering during the good. He doesn’t compliment me like my previous boyfriends have unless I’m absolutely dressed to the nines, and even then, I can barely get it out of him. I’m a few years older than him. The other day, I asked him if he is sacrificing being with his type to be with me, and without missing a beat, he said “yes.” Basically, his type would be skinnier, younger, hotter than me (shocker, I know). I showed him a photo of myself that I liked, and he said “meh.” I tried to be confident and said, “well, I know it’s good, and that’s all that matters.” He asked what I liked about it, and I said my cheekbones looked good. He said he “only saw cheeks.” I said, “yeah… kinda hard to see cheekbones without seeing the cheeks…” He then proceeded to poke at my face/double chin, and when I asked what he’s doing, he said, “Trying to find the bones.” In the same convo, he said he hasn’t wanted to sleep with me because of my weight. Said he wishes he could see my waist more. I’m 10 pounds heavier than I was when we met, and that’s nothing. He’s gained way more in this relationship, but I don’t give him shit about it. He says “well maybe you should.” But I’m not gonna go insulting him just because he insults me. When I tell him it makes me feel bad, he says, “well I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad, so…” Anyway, I know it’s not just ROCD. I deserve better than this. But ROCD still makes me question myself. Mad af at him ngl
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