I just had this breakdown because of my thoughts. I kept getting the thoughts and images and kept yelling in my head “stop thinking about this” or “no I’m not this or that” or “no I don’t have this or that.” But I took a shower hoping that it would help me but at the beginning of my shower but it was the same way. THEN ON TOP OF ME STARTING TO CRY, I KEPT GETTING GROINAL RESPONSES 🙄. But I just kept crying and wishing it would all end. I hate ocd so much :/

I'm currently at one of the lowest points with my OCD despite me working so hard on it and everything that I know it stems from because a lot of my OCD comes from trauma from sexual abuse as a kid and as I got older and a lot of other stuff which is also why I have Complex PTSD. I was doing so well, I started medication, and I was in this dual housing program for treatment and everything was going okay. That was until I ended up getting SA’D by a man there and none of the staff cared or did anything despite me doing everything possible and gathering all of this evidence and all the people there either didn't care or bullied me relentlessly as they laughed with my abuser. It was so painful and I felt so alone. I think what triggered my spiral was that it was very similar to the reactions of my past assaults and thus my OCD came spiralling alongside my C-PTSD symptoms and I feel like it is worse then before. I left that place but its still absolutely terrible and I feel so hopeless and hurt. Not only did this man hurt me like I have been in the past he brought back the very thing that caused me so many years of suffering. It makes me sick. I don't want to think these thoughts or feel these horrible urges and sensations. I feel so disgusting and broken.

i feel so lost. my religious ocd involves sexual intrusive images right now about Jesus, and it's really killing me. it keeps flashing in my mind and I feel so bad and in pain. i feel so dirty and disgusting because of it. i really respect Jesus and i love Him so much. i always saw Him as a Father because He has a father figure. now, i don't know what to feel anymore because of those sexual intrusive images. it is traumatizing and terrifying. i hate that my ocd creates images of Jesus as bad and tries to put the blame on Him. i'm trying my best to fight it and put the blame on myself. i feel like my relationship with Him is slowly getting ruined. for me, it's all my fault because of my ocd brain. i want to feel what i normally feel toward Jesus. i hate that my ocd needs to do this. i hate the feelings that I'm liking it even though I never like it. i feel unforgivable and condemned. i can't take anymore of what my ocd keeps throwing at me. i feel like I'm going crazy. i feel disrespectful. i feel so disgusting. i feel like i'm not comfortable in my own body. last night i broke down because of it. it is so heavy and too much to carry. i'm thinking that this might be my punishment for the constant blasphemous thoughts and doubts caused by my OCD.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive thoughts and images of the same gender, and I’ll often get a groinal response out of pure terror which then fuels hyperawareness to the groin and to salivation which then makes my whole body burn and ruins my whole day out of fear of it meaning something about myself despite all the evidence in my past that I am straight (e.g having a baby on the way, only being attracted to women), I try to tell myself that it’s all OCD and it is a lie, but the groinal response just keeps me in this horrible spiral constantly, to the point that I have nightmares about it, does anyone else have this problem? I’m so exhausted because of it and I can’t sleep because the intrusive thoughts keep me awake for hours on end, I’m getting the help I need but the wait is crippling :(