- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I experience this!! Where my mind cannot just chill and experience things as they happen, but instead looks into what things mean and whether I’m being “attractive enough” or comparing myself to other girls.. to the point where I just avoid those situations because it brings me so much anxiety. And I totally get what you mean about not knowing what it’s like to like someone.. because our OCD takes something that should be enjoyable and makes it nerve-racking.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m 24, never been in a relationship and I do this. I’ll get an idea about someone and compulsively check his social media to confirm it (good or bad). Like if I‘m on the fence I’ll check repeatedly to see if he’s attractive, or I’m really into him I’ll worry that he has something that’s a dealbreaker and look for clues on his socials.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Kately I thought I was the only one who felt like this and lived this way. Omg. Thank you for responding, at least I know I’m not alone! Have you gotten any solid advice on this?
- Date posted
- 6y
For example!! I became really obsessed w/ getting a boyfriend in college, but I was scared to really put myself out there so I focused on guys I knew who seemed like a possibility. I decided if it was gonna happen it had to happen w/ this one guy from my class and I started reading into everything he did + building it up in my head. I was also asking my friends + Google for lots of advice during this time! Like “Is it weird if he...” “Is it bad if he...” “Does he like me if...” etc!
- Date posted
- 6y
@csca914 you are definitely not alone on this! There’s a reason for the stereotype about facebook stalking ppl you’re dating ?The best advice I’ve gotten on this is actually from watching my friends who have less anxiety around dating. I see that they are a little more “selfish” about it in that they go by their feelings and don’t worry too much if they’re doing it perfectly.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do this as well. & then after that newness wears off it reverses
- Date posted
- 6y
Also, what does it really look like to like someone? Any advice?
- Date posted
- 6y
@m.a.d yes yes yes. I’m always comparing myself. When said attractive/intriguing guys add me on social media, I spend hours going through asking myself if I look “unique enough”, “attractive enough”, etc. I think I also have this fear that I’m never going to get married because every other girl out there is more interesting than me ??♀️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 17w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond