- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I experience this!! Where my mind cannot just chill and experience things as they happen, but instead looks into what things mean and whether I’m being “attractive enough” or comparing myself to other girls.. to the point where I just avoid those situations because it brings me so much anxiety. And I totally get what you mean about not knowing what it’s like to like someone.. because our OCD takes something that should be enjoyable and makes it nerve-racking.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m 24, never been in a relationship and I do this. I’ll get an idea about someone and compulsively check his social media to confirm it (good or bad). Like if I‘m on the fence I’ll check repeatedly to see if he’s attractive, or I’m really into him I’ll worry that he has something that’s a dealbreaker and look for clues on his socials.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Kately I thought I was the only one who felt like this and lived this way. Omg. Thank you for responding, at least I know I’m not alone! Have you gotten any solid advice on this?
- Date posted
- 6y
For example!! I became really obsessed w/ getting a boyfriend in college, but I was scared to really put myself out there so I focused on guys I knew who seemed like a possibility. I decided if it was gonna happen it had to happen w/ this one guy from my class and I started reading into everything he did + building it up in my head. I was also asking my friends + Google for lots of advice during this time! Like “Is it weird if he...” “Is it bad if he...” “Does he like me if...” etc!
- Date posted
- 6y
@csca914 you are definitely not alone on this! There’s a reason for the stereotype about facebook stalking ppl you’re dating ?The best advice I’ve gotten on this is actually from watching my friends who have less anxiety around dating. I see that they are a little more “selfish” about it in that they go by their feelings and don’t worry too much if they’re doing it perfectly.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do this as well. & then after that newness wears off it reverses
- Date posted
- 6y
Also, what does it really look like to like someone? Any advice?
- Date posted
- 6y
@m.a.d yes yes yes. I’m always comparing myself. When said attractive/intriguing guys add me on social media, I spend hours going through asking myself if I look “unique enough”, “attractive enough”, etc. I think I also have this fear that I’m never going to get married because every other girl out there is more interesting than me ??♀️
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.
- Date posted
- 15w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 15w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
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