- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I experience this!! Where my mind cannot just chill and experience things as they happen, but instead looks into what things mean and whether I’m being “attractive enough” or comparing myself to other girls.. to the point where I just avoid those situations because it brings me so much anxiety. And I totally get what you mean about not knowing what it’s like to like someone.. because our OCD takes something that should be enjoyable and makes it nerve-racking.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m 24, never been in a relationship and I do this. I’ll get an idea about someone and compulsively check his social media to confirm it (good or bad). Like if I‘m on the fence I’ll check repeatedly to see if he’s attractive, or I’m really into him I’ll worry that he has something that’s a dealbreaker and look for clues on his socials.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Kately I thought I was the only one who felt like this and lived this way. Omg. Thank you for responding, at least I know I’m not alone! Have you gotten any solid advice on this?
- Date posted
- 6y
For example!! I became really obsessed w/ getting a boyfriend in college, but I was scared to really put myself out there so I focused on guys I knew who seemed like a possibility. I decided if it was gonna happen it had to happen w/ this one guy from my class and I started reading into everything he did + building it up in my head. I was also asking my friends + Google for lots of advice during this time! Like “Is it weird if he...” “Is it bad if he...” “Does he like me if...” etc!
- Date posted
- 6y
@csca914 you are definitely not alone on this! There’s a reason for the stereotype about facebook stalking ppl you’re dating ?The best advice I’ve gotten on this is actually from watching my friends who have less anxiety around dating. I see that they are a little more “selfish” about it in that they go by their feelings and don’t worry too much if they’re doing it perfectly.
- Date posted
- 6y
I do this as well. & then after that newness wears off it reverses
- Date posted
- 6y
Also, what does it really look like to like someone? Any advice?
- Date posted
- 6y
@m.a.d yes yes yes. I’m always comparing myself. When said attractive/intriguing guys add me on social media, I spend hours going through asking myself if I look “unique enough”, “attractive enough”, etc. I think I also have this fear that I’m never going to get married because every other girl out there is more interesting than me ??♀️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- Date posted
- 16w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
- Date posted
- 12w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
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