- Username
- csca914
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I experience this!! Where my mind cannot just chill and experience things as they happen, but instead looks into what things mean and whether I’m being “attractive enough” or comparing myself to other girls.. to the point where I just avoid those situations because it brings me so much anxiety. And I totally get what you mean about not knowing what it’s like to like someone.. because our OCD takes something that should be enjoyable and makes it nerve-racking.
I’m 24, never been in a relationship and I do this. I’ll get an idea about someone and compulsively check his social media to confirm it (good or bad). Like if I‘m on the fence I’ll check repeatedly to see if he’s attractive, or I’m really into him I’ll worry that he has something that’s a dealbreaker and look for clues on his socials.
@Kately I thought I was the only one who felt like this and lived this way. Omg. Thank you for responding, at least I know I’m not alone! Have you gotten any solid advice on this?
For example!! I became really obsessed w/ getting a boyfriend in college, but I was scared to really put myself out there so I focused on guys I knew who seemed like a possibility. I decided if it was gonna happen it had to happen w/ this one guy from my class and I started reading into everything he did + building it up in my head. I was also asking my friends + Google for lots of advice during this time! Like “Is it weird if he...” “Is it bad if he...” “Does he like me if...” etc!
@csca914 you are definitely not alone on this! There’s a reason for the stereotype about facebook stalking ppl you’re dating ?The best advice I’ve gotten on this is actually from watching my friends who have less anxiety around dating. I see that they are a little more “selfish” about it in that they go by their feelings and don’t worry too much if they’re doing it perfectly.
I do this as well. & then after that newness wears off it reverses
Also, what does it really look like to like someone? Any advice?
@m.a.d yes yes yes. I’m always comparing myself. When said attractive/intriguing guys add me on social media, I spend hours going through asking myself if I look “unique enough”, “attractive enough”, etc. I think I also have this fear that I’m never going to get married because every other girl out there is more interesting than me ??♀️
I’m so worried that I’ll never get married or be in a relationship because I’ve always pushed guys I was seeing away right before we’ve committed. Growing up this was always a constant thing, I’d like a guy, we’d have a good time together then I’d get scared, feel overwhelmed and trapped and start comparing him to what I “want” and if he met everything on my “checklist” and then push him away. I really liked these guys too and then I’d be so mean to them just because I wanted them out of my life cause I was just so overwhelmed and trapped. I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing, I thought I was just picky and then I thought I couldn’t receive love and then I thought I was aromantic and then asexual, but it wasn’t true because I did like being sexual with guys I really liked and I do like affection. It makes sense that this is ROCD because I’ve always had ocd tendencies and control issues. Does anybody else with ROCD just very hesitant about even getting in a relationship because they fear they’re stuck with someone forever and then start nit picking and then get turned off and then start to question everything??? I once talked to a guy who used the wrong “youre” and got scared and almost stopped talking to him fully. And the only relief when I feel overwhelmed is just being alone like I love being alone but I’m so sad because I want a boyfriend but feel I’m just not capable of loving and being loved. I guess now that I have a name to it I can work on it.
Hey guys, I’m new here but I’m already loving this supportive app. I have been with my boyfriend who is so sweet and amazing for 4 years now, but about 3 months in I started feeling like I was settling or that something was not right because I did not have the same sparks that I did with previous not so great boyfriends. I would talk with him about my thoughts and feelings and he would talk me down and say spot on things that addressed what I was thinking/feeling without even knowing he was doing so, and things would go back to normal for a while. Every few months I would freak out due to an “inner feeling” and feel disabled in my body and thoughts- heavy anxiety, depression, comparison, nit-picking, constantly googling relationship articles, talking to friends and so on. Every article, friend, and even my therapist at the time would say “maybe he’s just not the one for you and your body is letting you know, or maybe you’re looking for permission to break up with him.” So then I would become obsessive over that thought. Finally, a few months ago I came across the term “ROCD” and it pin pointed all of my thoughts and actions that I’ve been struggling with for 4 years. I didn’t believe it at first, thinking that the ROCD is a new thing for me, but after thinking on past events in my life I figured out that I’ve had always had different forms of OCD, and I actually have experienced ROCD before too. Anyway, all of that to say, today I am experiencing the thoughts again. “Is he attractive enough, or am I attracted to him?” “What if there is someone who could better suit me?” “Could I live with him forever (he’s so great)?” “Sometimes great people in a great relationship just aren’t meant to be. Is that my relationship?” “Am I really in love with him?” Etc... Two weeks ago I literally skipped all of my classes one day because I was googling articles. I’m ashamed of it. Am I alone in this or can someone else relate? Sorry for the super long post! Just wanted to give some background info! Thanks in advance for any help!!!
How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.
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