Out of control intrusive thoughts of all types have become a part of my everyday life I do not know who I am anymore and I see no hope:(

Do I have pure ocd or am i in denial. I have been getting intrusive thoughts, nightmares, severe loss in appetite, extreme anxiety, near non-existent libido, sex repulsion, identity crash where i literally dont know if im gay or trans anymore, very high suicidal ideation, I have been homebound for possibly more than a year, i cant look in the mirror without thinking how disgusting i am, and it literally feels like my life did a full 180 out of NOWHERE.

Everyday I feel extremely down and I don’t know how to snap out of it. Intrusive thoughts are always playing in my head and won’t stop. I’ve been feeling down for the longest time to the point where it doesn’t feel right to be happy or do anything positive for myself. It’s as if I want to be miserable and don’t want anything good to happen to me. I don’t deserve it and I don’t think I can truly overcome this. I get eaten up everyday and lil by lil, a piece of myself slips away to the point where I don’t recognize myself anymore or care for myself. I don’t want to feel like this anymore😔I feel so detached from reality.

Hello, 3 weeks ago I experienced something that triggered horrible intrusive thoughts. I have been having 5-10 panic attacks every day. I can't leave the house and haven't been able to work. My relationship with my girlfriend is in distress as she has 2 young kids and doesn't understand what I am going through. I feel so alone. It wasn't until last Monday that my psychiatrist identified it as intrusive thoughts and now I am realizing how many other OCD symptoms I am having. I can't eat from my anxiety. I am so so sad. I just feel like this will never end and I am going to be in this black hole forever. All I do is worry about losing everything and everyone I love because of this.